Neighbours from Hell

princessdon

jinty271 wrote: »

Some very good points here.

I do agree that we should do all we can to educate and promote tolerance and understanding in others. However I have spent the last 12 years trying to do so, and frankly, I am tired. I am not sure I would have the energy now, to try, especially towards someone sitting on their pretty balcony, looking down their nose at me, just because I am spoiling their view or disturbing their peace.

Again I apologise if I am being harsh. I am very very tired, and no doubt tonight will be another broken one. My little lady has a gastrostomy and she is not tolerating her feeds. so I will be stripping beds at 1:30am when she vomits up all her feed, which I will need to re-administer. And she has a bit of a chesty cough so no doubt the Sats monitor will ping all night and I will need to moderate her oxygen.


I do hope the alarms do not disturb any of my neighbours....

I honestly don't think they are looking down Hun, remove words like "hell" animal etc, they are crying out for advice, they love their flat, they don't want animosity, they just need to help.

I know your tired (I get tired even as a respite only deal) with time to recoup my energies, but attacking OP is only adding fuel to the fire.

She is frightened, threatened, unsure of what she is dealing with (the mate didn't help), explain to her,

It's got to be worth a few minutes of your time.

I can't - I don't do this day in and day out, I'm just an I'm knackered come and take for a night, you are the expert with the long term answers on how to deal with neighbours.

jinty271

OK, taking a step back, and trying to be diplomatic.

OP, perhaps try to build a relationship with the tenant. Forget the idiot friend, we all have them.

Explain to them that you have noticed they have their hands full, would they like you to pick them up a loaf next time you are at the shops?

Perhaps spending a little time with the family would de-sensitize you to some of the noise. Maybe understanding that the child is not necessarily in distress, would make it less upsetting for you.

But also, when you have built up a relationship, you might be able to get tips from the mother as to how to cope, adjust, zone out etc.

At least this might make you feel a bit less frightened or annoyed.

shegirl

princessdon wrote: »

I honestly don't think they are looking down Hun, remove words like "hell" animal etc, they are crying out for advice, they love their flat, they don't want animosity, they just need to help.

I know your tired (I get tired even as a respite only deal) with time to recoup my energies, but attacking OP is only adding fuel to the fire.

She is frightened, threatened, unsure of what she is dealing with (the mate didn't help), explain to her,

It's got to be worth a few minutes of your time.

I can't - I don't do this day in and day out, I'm just an I'm knackered come and take for a night, you are the expert with the long term answers on how to deal with neighbours.

US explaining won't be a huge amount of help.We don't know the child or what the parents do.

The op should just go and chat,ask NICELY about the boy and start to see him as a lad who needs help,care and understanding.Just like my neighbours did and do.

Nicki

It has been explained to OP that the child is disabled and the sounds are involuntary. I am not sure what else princessdon thinks can be done to educate her given the extreme prejudice that she has already expressed. People either have empathy and decency or they don't.

Speaking from my own experience, if you let people believe that they are justified in feeling aggrieved by the inconvenience your disabled child causes them you set yourself up for more grief. Hence why my disabled child is no longer collected from the house by disabled school transport for example. The neighbours complained about the Diesel engine running for a few minutes at 8 am each morning as she was loaded on board, so she now has to struggle to a meeting point some way away on a main road and wait up to 10 minutes in all weathers for the bus. We've also had people suggest we be removed from hotels and restaurants because they don't like to be confronted by the reality of serious disability. Never underestimate the bigotry of some people towards the disabled.

alyth

I've read through the whole of this thread with interest, and I have to say I'm with the OP on this. She had lived in her quiet flat, I assume for many years, and her peace and tranquility had been broken by a disruptive family. Why on earth should she try and build a relationship with the neighbours - they have a child that they can't control, in what I'm reading to be a one bedroomed flat in a built up area. I've lived in central London and now have moved to the back of beyond in Scotland, so I totally empathise with the OP, her routine and lifestyle has been disrupted and I'm figuring that she has posted because she is upset, desperate and I'm not entirely sure she wants to build up a bond with a couple and their child who it would seem from the original post have drunken parties and friends round.
I would question the wisdom of a housing asssociation, if that's who has placed the couple in the flat, in a one bedroomed property with a child that has issues that has to be dealt with. Whilst I appreciate that this is a family board, not everyone wants to have someone else's family shoved in their face at all times of day and night.

princessdon

shegirl wrote: »

US explaining won't be a huge amount of help.We don't know the child or what the parents do.

The opening should just go and chat,ask NICELY about the boy and start to see him as a lad who needs help,care and understanding.Just like my neighbours did and do.

But that's the main advice they need, how to approach without the poor wording, all that will do is create animosity .

Example my nephew squeals very loudly when nervous, in situations outside his control it worsens, so for eg OP on a balcony would frighten him, as above and in the sky, in my situation his "it's OK signal, would lessen anxiety, I know it's individual, hence why how to approach parents, would be good.

I don't have this, when swimming yesterday and I got hacky looks as it was meltdown when told to leave water, I lost my rag with the spectator sport that happens, and gave a peice of my mind, my sister was more used to it. I caused a confrontation that was really unnecessary in all honesty.

jinty271

Nicki wrote: »

Never underestimate the bigotry of some people towards the disabled.

Off topic, but...

This is very sad, but true.

We have spent the weekend dealing with stares and rubber-necking - no wonder we hardly leave the house.

We even had someone try to make a joke once about " going to the second hand shop" for our daughter, who was born with only one hand.


Sorry to side-track. Off to bed.

poet123

princessdon wrote: »

I honestly don't think they are looking down Hun, remove words like "hell" animal etc, they are crying out for advice, they love their flat, they don't want animosity, they just need to help.

I know your tired (I get tired even as a respite only deal) with time to recoup my energies, but attacking OP is only adding fuel to the fire.

She is frightened, threatened, unsure of what she is dealing with (the mate didn't help), explain to her,

It's got to be worth a few minutes of your time.

I can't - I don't do this day in and day out, I'm just an I'm knackered come and take for a night, you are the expert with the long term answers on how to deal with neighbours.

I don't think you have to be dealing with it every day to be able to empathise.

The child is 7, not an intimidating hulky teenager. He is clearly very disabled, and yes, it may be upsetting to have the noise issue, but the noise doesn't stem from a choice, but from something no one has any control over.

So, the OP will have to accept that it cannot be helped, so it will have to be worked around. Earplugs for nigh time, and music and/or more tolerance for the rest of the time.

Tbh, it sounds as if the parents have more than enough on their plates and are probably emotionally and physically exhausted. They really don't need animosity or silent condemnation from neighbours too.

jinty271

alyth wrote: »

I'm with the OP on this. She had lived in her quiet flat, I assume for many years, and her peace and tranquility had been broken by a disruptive family.

Shame on you.

shegirl

Nicki wrote: »

It has been explained to OP that the child is disabled and the sounds are involuntary. I am not sure what else princessdon thinks can be done to educate her given the extreme prejudice that she has already expressed. People either have empathy and decency or they don't.

Speaking from my own experience, if you let people believe that they are justified in feeling aggrieved by the inconvenience your disabled child causes them you set yourself up for more grief. Hence why my disabled child is no longer collected from the house by disabled school transport for example. The neighbours complained about the Diesel engine running for a few minutes at 8 am each morning as she was loaded on board, so she now has to struggle to a meeting point some way away on a main road and wait up to 10 minutes in all weathers for the bus. We've also had people suggest we be removed from hotels and restaurants because they don't like to be confronted by the reality of serious disability. Never underestimate the bigotry of some people towards the disabled.

My old neighbours used to complain about ds minibus coming into the car park.It had to! Now close enough to slowly and awkwardly walk him to school (God job given transport was also screwed up!)

There are many people around who will not tolerate disabled children or anything for them.Naturally,they should be shut away never to experience anything 'normal' just in case somebody doesn't like it.My usual response to that is that other people distress my son on a daily basis,I'm sure they can manage a few minutes 'annoyance'