Neighbours from Hell

shegirl

Treevo wrote: »

I was referring to the posts telling the OP that she should offer help to her neighbours, rather than her trying to understand the issues involved.

I do think the OP could have handled her reaction more sensitively, but I also think the neighbours actually have a responsibility to their new neighbours, to at least explain what may happen. Because if I was at home one day and I heard the noises that the OP describes, I'd be phoning the police within a minute.

Oh,I understand.I've had the police out before:rotfl::D

I think we should explain to the neighbours in a way,but it's a hard thing to do,often backfires or isn't welcome,it's not nice to feel you have to do such a thing and you often don't have time to go knocking on someones door to awkwardly explain your childs disability.Hence why we often wait until approached or have a chance meeting

poet123

Treevo wrote: »

I was referring to the posts telling the OP that she should offer help to her neighbours, rather than her trying to understand the issues involved.

I do think the OP could have handled her reaction more sensitively, but I also think the neighbours actually have a responsibility to their new neighbours, to at least explain what may happen. Because if I was at home one day and I heard the noises that the OP describes, I'd be phoning the police within a minute.

But surely after the initial shock and when you knew the reason you would accept that it cannot be helped?

Next door but one to us a family moved in who have a child who is severely Autistic. They sent all the neighbours a note explaining his condition and how that manifests and asked us all to understand if he made loud or strange noises. They said he had a tendency to run into the road and hated loud bangs. Without exception all the neighbours drive slower now in the road and if they are doing anything unusual they let the family know so that they can minimise the impact on the child.

It hasn't hurt any of us, but it has helped them.

Calien27

The child isn't being some out of control little brat, they are disabled they can not control the noises they make, neither can the parents because the child is disabled. They aren't some chav parents who don't care what their kid is up to, letting them run riot all over the place, the noises the child makes it's his/her way of communicating, it's not something that can be disciplined out of the child because, say it with me now..they are disabled.

shegirl

Nicki wrote: »

Which would be a result - not just money saving but money making

Martin would be proud!

balletshoes

just wanted to add - my 3 siblings and I, plus a handful of cousins, grew up on a shooting estate in Scotland - believe me the noise we made around the place (and we did ) was nothing compared to the noise of the machinery around. Silence doesn't happen in Nature - theres always some beastie or other getting killed by a slightly bigger faster beastie, and usually making a noise doing it!

Treevo

shegirl wrote: »

Oh,I understand.I've had the police out before:rotfl::D

I think we should explain to the neighbours in a way,but it's a hard thing to do,often backfires or isn't welcome,it's not nice to feel you have to do such a thing and you often don't have time to go knocking on someones door to awkwardly explain your childs disability.Hence why we often wait until approached or have a chance meeting

I get that but I do think in flats that there should be some communication when someone moves in, so at least the neighbours can be prepared. Sort of ensuring you get off on the right foot, rather than immediately creating a negative impression with your neighbours - because 'eff off' does make you seem like something belonging on ITV1 at 9.25am.:D

Vicky123

I visit Scotland frequently with my severely disabled son and find them the most understanding and helpful people, would love to know where the person lives who is posting here in order to avoid polluting him with ignorance.
As for the OP if she has already complained to the authorities then in all likelihood the parents are aware and would no more welcome her presence at their door than they would a plague of locusts.
Maybe one day she will be relying on the kindness of others and will encounter small minded people herself.

coolcait

Well, if the OP is a troll, what a success this thread has been!

Looking at the subject matter, I can understand that the noise can be distressing to neighbours - to the point where it is damaging to them.

That's a valid point for the neighbours to make. Even if they understand, on an intellectual level, the reasons for the noise, the noise is still affecting their lives.

I can't add anything to the many, many posts which have explained how life may be for the child's family, or the child himself. All very valid points too.

Taken at face value, it's a very tough problem. The noises made are distressing, disturbing and potentially disruptive.

But, the noise is not being made deliberately. So, the usual routes for dealing with noise from neighbours are not appropriate.

I think that the suggestion of soundproofing the flat downstairs is a good one. It benefits both the family with the disabled child - less worry about neighbours being disturbed - and the neighbours.

It's only on reading this thread that I've realised how easily I could have ended up posting something like the OP. The house diagonally across from us is home to a woman slightly older than I am, and her daughter who must be in her late thirties now.

Thirty years ago, the daughter was described as 'autistic'. I don't know the fine details of the diagnosis. I moved away for abut 20 years, before coming back home. I do know that nowadays she is picked up by a taxi every weekday morning, and returned home the same way later in the day. I believe she goes to one of the local 'centres'. When she's not away at the centre, her mother often takes her for a walk around the local area (weather permitting).

This young woman screams all the time. When she's being taken to the taxi, when she's being returned by the taxi, when she's being taken for a walk. The first time I heard the screams, I genuinely thought that I was hearing somenone being attacked. I was clutching the phone as I peeked through the blinds, ready to call 999.

I know who's screaming, and why. Yet, it still makes me start. If I'm asleep when I hear the screaming, it does make me mutter 'shut up!'. Any noise which wakes me up will get that reaction! I'm not ever going to report the noise, because I know why it's happening. But I'm not saintly enough to be able to claim that it doesn't make me jump every time I hear it. Or that I don't occasionally grumble about it ot my pillow.

All of the above also holds true for my elderly neighbour who has always been a loud and cheery sort of fellow. He's still cheery, but louder than ever since he's now deaf. Mostly his (loud!) cheerfulness makes me smile. Sometimes his (cheerful) loudness makes me swear to myself.

From a personal point of view, I have found that I can deal with the noise issues far more easily when I know what the cause is.

'Dealing with it' doesn't mean that the noise doesn't bother me, or that I expect the noise to stop. It basically means getting on with it - and if that means that I swear violently at the pillow, so that I can smile at my neighbours, so be it! :rotfl:

CC-Warrior

fashionlover10 wrote: »

Really?! Would you say a couple with a newborn baby who cries in the middle of the night and won't settle is 'breaking the terms of their tenancy agreement'?
Some noise can't be helped and people should learn to be a bit more tolerant.

Maybe the OP would like to swap flats with me? I live near a railway line which is regularly used by freight trains and there are two takeaways underneath the flats where both sets of employees seem unable to talk at a normal level whilst outside. The man opposite me has a thing about banging his front door every time he uses it and the pub just behind us regularly holds live music events.
TBH I don't notice it too much anymore, it ends up being background noise after a little while.

Look, I didn't write the tenancy agreement, just suggesting that the late night noise and abuse from the tenants' friend could be breaking some of the terms in the agreement.

Like what's already been said, noise is noise, irrespective of whether it's from a handicapped child or not.

nlj1520

My son lives in a supported living set up and has annoyed his neighbour by posting things over the neighbour's fence onto his patio. We have done everything possible to stop this happening but occasionally he still does it. This neighbour has said (within my son's hearing) that 'people like him should be locked away with their own kind'. not unnaturally this angered my son and I'm pretty certain contributed to an increase in his challenging behaviour.
The neighbour has complained to the Letting Agent, the council and to my son's care provider. It was only once it was brought to light what the neighbour had done (discriminatory comments and harassment as he came round regularly in between incidents to complain about the last one and express his views as to how my son should be treated) and he was warned that this was illegal did it stop.
Now we have a sort of armed truce........support workers do everything in their power to prevent annoyance to the neighbour and he only comes round when there has been an incident (maybe once every 3-4 months absolute max).
The crucial difference is that we can support my son to stop this behaviour..............this poor family cannot do anything to stop their son's vocalisation. They may be very aware of the effect this has on neighbours but to them this is just one more problem that they cannot solve. Their stress levels must be through the roof............I know mine were when my son was causing his neighbour problems.
I don't see that we can change the OP's opinion of disability, she is entitled to hold it no matter how offensive we find it. What the OP cannot do is act illegally and in a discriminatory manner..........I don't see that she has.
I second those who have suggested practical solutions like sound-proofing, but do not think that going to meet the family properly will help as the young man may well pick up on her attitude to disability and express it in his own way. My son is a very good judge of character and will always sense someone who is uncomfortable around him or who patronises or discriminates against him and will react angrily.
It's a really difficult situation and probably only sound proofing will ease it.