Neighbours from Hell

shegirl

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

Oh dear, the joys of living in a flat. I know it well!

(And apparently the word handicapped is offensive now, btw!)

I can see how in this situation the family in question could easily play that card and try to get you and the other neighbour into trouble for 'hate crime'. Yes, just for complaining about the noise.

If the flat is being let, there should be a clause about noise levels, but the Letting Agent (and the Police) are probably trying their best to tread carefully.

The best I can suggest is to try and sound-proof your flat as best you can, and hope and pray that they move out soon

Clauses about noise levels don't apply to natural noises from a disabled child.The landlord can,however,try to help the situation.

**professor~yaffle**

shegirl wrote: »

Clauses about noise levels don't apply to natural noises from a disabled child.The landlord can,however,try to help the situation.

Does it not? Wouldn't surprise me. We had a similar situation in our block of flats, except we're all tenants. There is a family with a disabled boy and he makes a LOT of noise. The poor woman in the flat next door to him can hardly get a wink of sleep at night, but what can you do? I would say if the noise is disturbing and distressing the neighboring people to that extent then other arrangements should be made.

poet123

I can't believe that noise next door would stop you sleeping if you wore earplugs. My DH can snore for England but with earplugs I sleep well.

**professor~yaffle**

poet123 wrote: »

I can't believe that noise next door would stop you sleeping if you wore earplugs. My DH can snore for England but with earplugs I sleep well.

Not a good idea:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/ent/202925.html

I don't live near to the boy myself, so I can't really say, but I know some of the adjoining walls to these flats are thin enough that you can hear your neighbours thoughts.

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

I can't believe that noise next door would stop you sleeping if you wore earplugs. My DH can snore for England but with earplugs I sleep well.

I find it very difficult to sleep in a house with a snorer, and had problems when the people in the flat below us were loud snorers.

We shuffled the flat around so we no longer slept in the room above theirs.

People have different sensitivities. I think its as hard to blame someone for being sensitive to sound as it is to blame someone unable to help making it in some circumstances.

Edit....I have mentioned twice today on Mse that I have misophonia, there was something on radio four today about this. I find it 'difficult' to tolerate some noises. However, I DO have coping mechanisms and NOBODY outside my close family knows. Although today I was horrified the lack of personal discipline some people showed, I did empathise. I personally would struggle immensely in OP's position though, and perhaps that's why I find it easier to feel sympathy despite the language used.

Tigsteroonie

tesuhoha wrote: »

No time to be civil to a neighbour but enough to get drunk on the balcony with a friend.

Believe me - sometimes we NEED that drink.

(Although, wasn't it the friend who was drunk & not the neighbour? I can't be bothered to go back 5 pages to find out ...)

paulineb_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

At the risk of being shouted down, everyone seems to be assuming that this is a nice normal family with a disabled child. However, if they were like that and approachable, surely the OP wouldn't be having this problem.

I may be wrong but I get the feeling that the family have an antagonistic attitude towards their neighbour. Otherwise, why would she feel so helpless and despairing. If she felt she could have a pleasant chat with them and they were friendly then the child's cries would not be so distressing to her. Noises from a neighbour are not normally upsetting unless there is some kind of malicious, aggressive or uncaring element in them. I.e a drunken party out of control, a domestic incident.

For instance, my neighbour has her grandchildren over in the afternoon most of these hot days. They are very badly behaved and most days there are ear splitting screams coming from next door's garden. However, I do not feel upset by it. So the question is, why does this lady feel so threatened? I can't believe its just from a disabled child's cries. I think it goes deeper than that and that there is some aspect of her new neighbours that makes her feel deeply uncomfortable.

Also I once spent the night in my mother's one bedroom flat and the sound from the neighbours felt quite oppressive as you could not get away from it (it was only footsteps across the floor) and it made me feel claustrophobic. So maybe I have answered my own question.

Quite, when she asked them to turn the noise down (not noise from the child) the friend of the neighbour told her to eff off?

Its the attitude thats the issue. If someone came to my door (and I live in a 4 in a block and I know what its like to have noisy and horrible neighbours, Ive had numerous anti social neighbours spanning back 15 years) and asked me to turn music down, Id say no problem.

The very last thing I would ever do is cause nuisance to another family.

I could write a book about some of the stuff my neighbours have got up to over the years, all night parties, flats being used as a giro drop, where have the housing scheme has keys, water on the stairwells, toys being set on fire, having bricks thrown at me from a certain problem neighbours kids when I was outside, and so on and so on.

I am female and I live on my own and its really not a nice feeling when you feel that you cant get peace and quiet and to be honest where I am, noise is the least of my worries.

I had a anti social task force officer at my door last week along with a police officer, 3 weeks after I spoke to my local housing office about the man downstairs who battered my door, when he was drunk and called me a few choice names.
That was the third incident with him and his flatmate in the last year, the first was when they battered my door at 9am accusing me of having an all night party (indeed, me and my cats) when it was actually the neighbours below them, they were effing and blinding at me that time as well. I have cctv inside the block, asked the housing to check it and have a polite word, they refused, sent me to the police, who wouldnt do anything and sent me back to the housing who did the square root of sweet fanny adams.

I ended up being told by her that I was going to be reported, not for anti social behaviour, but because I had some of the contents of my kitchen in my living room, it was emptied because new flooring (plywood) was to go down, after a washing machine leak.

The joiner refused to do the repair and ms jobsworth deemed my living room a health hazard, I was also criticised for having letters sitting at my front door (also a health hazard according to her).

This was all done in front of a community police officer who made comments to me such as "if you had kids I would be reporting you to social services", "you dont look vulnerable to me" and "you arent being targeted because you are a lone female, thats just the way people are around here"

What Im trying to say is, personally I dont expect people to live in some kind of bubble where they never make one scrap of noise. But when you dont yourself and all you get is disturbed and you are having to be on your own night after night wondering whats coming next it can be quite hard going at times

And Im not retired, Im in my 40s. I dont see why someone should have to go into sheltered housing just because they have PITA neighbours.

And we dont know enough about this families needs to comment much, well I dont anyway, but if that mum isnt coping and needs extra support to look after her child, then someone should be trying to support her to do that, even if it means respite for some weekends or some kind of day care service, Im well aware social services are over stretched

But if this family and the friends have started with an aggressive stance, I dont blame the OP for being concerned. It is no fun trying to start your day on an hours sleep due to noise, Ive been there and done that.

I would wear the ear plugs, but Id also be letting the local anti social task force service know about the comments you got when you politely asked if they could keep the noise down

Because disabled child or not, its not on that you ask someone to try and be a bit quieter and the answer is eff off. And yes, some people will try it on if they know you live on your own.

And if someone is getting so plastered they have to be helped up off the floor, thats not just a quiet drink or two and if someone told me to eff off while they were in that state and I was on my own, I might be a bit concerned as well

Or I would be if it were the first time it happened, not these days as every day just about theres something else going on with neighbours in my world.

I can stand up for myself, but Ive lost count of the number of people who think its acceptable to give me abuse because I dont have a 6 foot 2 man living here and many of the anti social neighbour incidents have been caused by people who cant handle their drink.

There are no easy solutions because a lot of the time, councils hands are tied once someone has a lease or a tenancy agreement.

Tolerance, is a two way thing, but sometimes people need to meet you in the middle, its not too much to ask. And personally, if I ever start swearing at someone, thats when I know Ive lost the argument and the plot, theres no need for it at all. Its just bullying by any other name.

shegirl

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

Does it not? Wouldn't surprise me. We had a similar situation in our block of flats, except we're all tenants. There is a family with a disabled boy and he makes a LOT of noise. The poor woman in the flat next door to him can hardly get a wink of sleep at night, but what can you do? I would say if the noise is disturbing and distressing the neighboring people to that extent then other arrangements should be made.

All rented properties,social or private,would have clauses regarding noise.Just like people can be reported for anti social behaviour for noise.

A disabled child is not intentionally noisey.For that to be covered under a clause or anti social behaviour would be akin to saying it is unacceptable for a baby to cry.It cannot be helped!

Like it or not,disabled children have to live somewhere..

**professor~yaffle**

shegirl wrote: »

All rented properties,social or private,would have clauses regarding noise.Just like people can be reported for anti social behaviour for noise.

A disabled child is not intentionally noisey.For that to be covered under a clause or anti social behaviour would be akin to saying it is unacceptable for a baby to cry.It cannot be helped!

Like it or not,disabled children have to live somewhere..

Yes, and the other people have to live somewhere, too! Granted it cannot be helped, but that's no help to the neighbours who are trying to get on with their own lives, but can't due to noise levels.

If the noise is that intrusive then other arrangements need to be made, IMO.

paulineb_2

The issue isnt just the disabled child though is it, its the attitude of the family towards the OP, the friend was the person who told the OP to eff off and live elsewhere, but the family didnt do anything to try and smooth things over.

If a mate of mine abused anyone in their own home Id be out apologising, sharpish.