Neighbours from Hell

KxMx

cupcake4 wrote: »

I posted for some support, admit my words could have been better chosen but to those who gave some support and understand I thank you.
I am suffering from stress having recently lost my beloved father and do not always feel up to going out. I am not elderly and am struggling to pay my mortgage - my ex put a lot of pressure on me to buy the property but left me with the mortgage. Whatever my flat realises will not buy very little in the area which I know and where I have friends.
To those who have posted so much vitriol, there are always 2 sides to every story. The noises are truly terrifying and make my hands shake. The flat below was sold and has been bought by someone who is letting it out.
Yes, I can put music on during the day, but the noises can still be heard. Yes, I can wear earplugs at night.
The question begs why should I?
I always thought my home should be somewhere to retreat to from the world. Now I am being forced out.
And I am the selfish one, think again.

Because you would benefit from this, you are looking for help yet won't take a simple measure which would improve your life?

Cutting off nose to spite face comes to mind.

You can't expect perfect silence all day just because you are in your home, especially in a flat.

I've had to endure noisy neighbours in the past and you have my sympathy. But every external action you have tried has failed so perhaps time to be looking at steps you can take yourself?

lostinrates

It seems to me pretty much EVERYBODY is being short on tolerance. It must be waring in the extreme to be a parent carer, exhausted and worn down by the role, and woken up by the child you love. I cannot imagine the commitment it takes and my hat is off to all of you who do it. It also must be disturbing to be woken up by something that its not been a choice to live by (unlike an existing noise like the safari park, I'd love that!) or without the temper of love for the person who you know cannot help it.

I feel sorry for everyone in volved tbh, it seems like no one is a 'winner' or can be in a situation like this.


Op, I think finding someway to alleviate the pressure of the noise is going to be the best result and it might take cooperation and maybe some mediation. It might be that some grant might exist to look at sound insulation for both properties (though in a rental I'm not sure if it would be considered?) and that both properties need to agree to keep windows on opposite sides of the flats closed at night to minimise noise transfer.

Ideal, no. Bet of a bad job, possibly. Its no more their fault than yours.

Nicki

4771_Miles_To_Caracas wrote: »

How about to live in an actual house, they should be able to afford it on the amount of benefit they will be receiving for a severely disable child, they would be a priority for social housing.

I'd love to live in this Utopian country. Please can you tell me where it is and I'll move.

I have a severely disabled child. Husband works (I had to give my job up) and the only benefits I am aware of are Disability Living Allowance and Carers Allowance, which are by no means the fortune you seem to think they are. Certainly not enough to make the difference between being able to afford the rent of a nice 2 bedroom detached house, and a one bed flat in what the OP has already said is a very cheap, not very nice, ex LA block.

We own our house fortunately but most of the families who have children at the special school my child attends live in social housing. Virtually all of them are in flats, and barely any of them have any special priority given. Even with OT recommendations and proven safety issues its as rare as hen's teeth even to get a ground floor flat much less a detached house.

Its also worth I think making the point that people can only rent the properties which exist and are vacant at the time they are looking. So if there aren't any affordable detached houses in the area, then they haven't really "chosen" to live in the one bed flat below OP in any meaningful sense of the word. And the family will be tied to an area far more than OP is due to their child's need for appropriate education, medical and disability services the provision of which varies enormously from place to place.

My issue is not that the OP is disturbed by the noise, but that she thinks an appropriate solution to this is for the family to move out. She would be just as disturbed by noise if the local authority had decided to build a 3 lane motorway outside her window, with drills and diggers while this was being built and traffic noise afterwards, but I strongly suspect in that case it would have occured to her to use self help measures to block out the noise. The very fact that she describes the family as "selfish" for being the source of noise beyond their control speaks volumes.

As for the parents being remiss for not visiting all the neighbours to apologise for the noises their son makes, I suspect those suggesting this think that all the parents are doing is sitting at home on their bottoms listening to their son vocalise. Whereas I strongly suspect they are feeding (not just cooking for) him, dressing him repeatedly, toileting him, preventing him from hurting himself and others, preventing destructive behaviours, calming him when he has panic attacks, possibly dealing with seizures, tracheotomies, incontinence issues, and thinking of activities to occupy someone with the interests of a 7 year old but possibly the cognitive abilities of someone much younger. I doubt they have time to make themselves a cup of tea most days much less visit all their neighbours regularly to apologise for their son's existence.

tesuhoha

Nicki wrote: »

I'd love to live in this Utopian country. Please can you tell me where it is and I'll move.

I have a severely disabled child. Husband works (I had to give my job up) and the only benefits I am aware of are Disability Living Allowance and Carers Allowance, which are by no means the fortune you seem to think they are. Certainly not enough to make the difference between being able to afford the rent of a nice 2 bedroom detached house, and a one bed flat in what the OP has already said is a very cheap, not very nice, ex LA block.

We own our house fortunately but most of the families who have children at the special school my child attends live in social housing. Virtually all of them are in flats, and barely any of them have any special priority given. Even with OT recommendations and proven safety issues its as rare as hen's teeth even to get a ground floor flat much less a detached house.

Its also worth I think making the point that people can only rent the properties which exist and are vacant at the time they are looking. So if there aren't any affordable detached houses in the area, then they haven't really "chosen" to live in the one bed flat below OP in any meaningful sense of the word. And the family will be tied to an area far more than OP is due to their child's need for appropriate education, medical and disability services the provision of which varies enormously from place to place.

My issue is not that the OP is disturbed by the noise, but that she thinks an appropriate solution to this is for the family to move out. She would be just as disturbed by noise if the local authority had decided to build a 3 lane motorway outside her window, with drills and diggers while this was being built and traffic noise afterwards, but I strongly suspect in that case it would have occured to her to use self help measures to block out the noise. The very fact that she describes the family as "selfish" for being the source of noise beyond their control speaks volumes.

As for the parents being remiss for not visiting all the neighbours to apologise for the noises their son makes, I suspect those suggesting this think that all the parents are doing is sitting at home on their bottoms listening to their son vocalise. Whereas I strongly suspect they are feeding (not just cooking for) him, dressing him repeatedly, toileting him, preventing him from hurting himself and others, preventing destructive behaviours, calming him when he has panic attacks, possibly dealing with seizures, tracheotomies, incontinence issues, and thinking of activities to occupy someone with the interests of a 7 year old but possibly the cognitive abilities of someone much younger. I doubt they have time to make themselves a cup of tea most days much less visit all their neighbours regularly to apologise for their son's existence.

No time to be civil to a neighbour but enough to get drunk on the balcony with a friend. Although I don't dispute what you say.

poet123

I think that your own personal circumstances are probably heightening your reaction to this issue. You are grieving and you are stressed and when we are in the grip of such emotions we tend to believe our needs only the ones that count.

I think it was unfortunate that on the second day of them living there their friend behaved in that manner. That was disgraceful, but they may have been very embarrassed about it and now feel uncomfortable and unable to approach you to apologise.

What can the parents do about the noises?

To make your own life easier you are the one who will have to try to minimise the effect for yourself.

Errata

I have no advice for the OP, but I do feel very sorry for them. They've lived in their peaceful property for over 20 years, they're retired, they're on their own, and now all hell has broken out. Perhaps things will improve when the child goes back to school after the summer holiday, I hope so.
I don't believe a word the LA has told them about the family.

pollypenny

I have great sympathy for the OP and the family with the disabled child.

Perhaps a call to Social Services might help the family find more suitable accommodation for them.

sassyblue

I have sympathy for both sides. OP, can you afford to get some soundproofing/ insulation put under your floors?

bagpussbear

I also have sympathy for both sides. It's a difficult situation, I feel dreadfully sad for the parents of the disabled child, but also feel sad for the OP in not being able to enjoy their home now. Some of the comments here have been quite nasty.

OP given there is very little you can do, try and do some adaptations to help you cope - see it as a 1 year problem only, and then if its obvious they will be there another year after that etc, you will have to consider moving, putting up with it, or have now made adaptations that means the noises aren't so troublesome

Some good advice from others here, especially about the sound proofing. I wondered if being disturbed when you are sleeping is a regular thing, if so consider swapping where you sleep so you don't get disturbed. Eating out or enjoying time on your balcony might become easier when the child is back at school. Someone else said about moving out for a year, renting your flat out, that's another option.

Basically try and make your life easier for a year, and then if they are going to stay on, then consider your options.

I hope you find some peace one way or another though.

**professor~yaffle**

cupcake4 wrote: »

I have also spoken to the local ASB team, but whenever the words "handicapped child" come up, it seems that no-one wants to know.
I was woken up at 1.30 am last week by the child making terrible noises.
My neighbour opposite said that she could hear a noise "like a predatory animal" when she came out of her front door, but when I asked the Letting Agent if we could both come into the offices to speak to them, they replied that neighbours were ganging up on this family and that they had had them on their books for the last 7 yrs without any problems.
I am suffering from stress as my father died very recently and I have been driven to stay out of the flat as I cannot stand these noises.
I really cannot afford to move and fear that no-one viewing would want to buy my flat given these noises below.
What can I do?

Oh dear, the joys of living in a flat. I know it well!

(And apparently the word handicapped is offensive now, btw!)

I can see how in this situation the family in question could easily play that card and try to get you and the other neighbour into trouble for 'hate crime'. Yes, just for complaining about the noise.

If the flat is being let, there should be a clause about noise levels, but the Letting Agent (and the Police) are probably trying their best to tread carefully.

The best I can suggest is to try and sound-proof your flat as best you can, and hope and pray that they move out soon