Living with parents - am I being unreasonable?

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

How would her parents stop her?

Cultural expectations and pressure to conform to them can be incredibly powerful.

Any

Person_one wrote: »

Cultural expectations and pressure to conform to them can be incredibly powerful.

And not just the pressure...
If you don't fulfill the expectations it can be very dangerous if the parents are very embedded in tcertain cultures...
Fear can be extremely powerful too..

KxMx

Likely she's been raised in a very controlling manner, to the extent that she now sees not being allowed to move out until marriage as normal and a rule to be followed.
My own mother was quite controlling but I realised what was going on and tackled her about it because it was making me very unhappy. We now have a really good relationship I am pleased to say. But it is a tough thing to do because those that manipulate will always cast you in the role as bad guy, so you have to toughen up and ignore the hurt feelings because it's just another form of control. It took me a long time to stand up and do it after I had cottoned on to what was happening.

lippy1923

I haven't read all of this thread but it sounds like your Dad is being a tad unreasonable. If you pay to rent the room, it should be yours as long as nothing is damaged, nothing smells and its clean I don't see a problem.

Not sure why your Dad is always poking around in your room anyway tbh. Fair enough it's his house but sounds like he's got a little too much time on his hands imo.

From the way you described the mess, it doesn't sound bad at all. If it were my Dad and he kept complaining it was horrible, I would make it 10x more untidy. Possibly leave private things, like underwear hanging on chairs, a box of condoms on the desk in full view, tampons on the dresser etc :rotfl:... That might make him think twice about snooping.

Only thing you can do it speak to him, explain you are paying your way and feel it's a bit unreasonable. Ask him his POV, tell him yours and see what you come up with.

Dunroamin

Any wrote: »

And not just the pressure...
If you don't fulfill the expectations it can be very dangerous if the parents are very embedded in tcertain cultures...
Fear can be extremely powerful too..

Those are very big assumptions and, unless you know the poster from other threads, may well not be accurate.

supersaver2

Sorry to say but your Dad sounds a little controlling, what is all this 'my house' business? What about your Mum, does the house not belong to her as well. I feel he is being unreasonable and you should look to move out, can't imagine your siblings will be far behind you if your not allowed your own private space in your rooms, god help him in Grandkids come along and want to pop round, god forbid they might make a mess! Life's to short and mess can always be tidied away!

TammBikky

Disorderly houses really do affect a certain temperament, whereas others like their things messy and it keeps them productive and feeling youthful.

On this one I would have to say that you should "become the water" or whatever it is that those kung fu types say. Your dad was not changed while you were home, and it is unlikely to change him now.

There is no positives to a free lunch and to be honest, even if you are paying for your room at home, being a kid you are probably getting a free lunch of sorts. Just like others who get a sweet deal, the stipulation is that you abide by rules.

Perhaps you should take this as a piece of evidence telling you to move out of home and enjoy your youth among other youths!

Mojisola

VitcH wrote: »

Since I was young my dad has tried to instill a certain lifestyle in us. He prefers to have things neat and tidy. I abided by this until I moved out of the house to go to university.

Now I've moved back in, he is unhappy that my room is 'messy'.

As far as the rest of the house goes, I abide by my parent's rules, in terms of cleaning up after myself etc, and things run smooth.

TammBikky wrote: »

On this one I would have to say that you should "become the water" or whatever it is that those kung fu types say. Your dad was not changed while you were home, and it is unlikely to change him now.

VitcH is complying with his Dad's rules in the shared part of the house. It's only his room which is - quite mildly - untidy.

His Dad needs to learn where the boundaries are with adult children - in this case, it's the bedroom door. It's VitcH's private space and his Dad should respect that.

Pollycat

TammBikky wrote: »

There is no positives to a free lunch and to be honest, even if you are paying for your room at home, being a kid you are probably getting a free lunch of sorts. Just like others who get a sweet deal, the stipulation is that you abide by rules.

Clearly not read the thread:

VitcH wrote: »

I'm 24, I moved back in with my parents in May. We live in a 4 bed house.

Yup, school's out. :cool:

Bufger

Would you risk damage to your relationship with your parents over a small bit of tidying up? You say you're not a child anymore at 24 but you sound like one.

Tidy the room and get on with life. There are much bigger social situations to tackle out there, why pick a fight over a few bits of clothes.