Living with parents - am I being unreasonable?

Carl31

His house, his rules. Assuming your dad isn't charging you full market rent for your room, he is providing you with subsidised lettings, I think you should be grateful that he's doing you a favour

Dunroamin

VitcH wrote: »

Thanks for all your responses so far folks!

First thing's first, I'm a guy
I need to figure out how I gave the impression I was female



He has always been a bit militant like that, and it's something I've had to accept.
In terms of other choices such as having people over and similar things, he has always been very fair and accommodating so I can't fault him at all.



I want to have such a chat, but I just thought I'd get some background here first. And I'm glad to see responses from people my parent's age to give different perspective.

I could move out if I wanted to, but I like living with them the way it is. I enjoy the company, as do they.



Unfortunately so. He has his quirks, don't we all.



Hey - why the instant judging over one forum post? My dad runs his own business from home and I spend hours every week helping out running the website, making sure things tick over. And to say I'm ungrateful without knowing me is insulting.

I'm sorry if I came across that way, let me assure you I am not like that in the slightest.

I am very grateful, and one of the reasons I created this topic was to ask whether I'm being unreasonable here. The fact that there are those that seem to side with me would indicate I have a valid question.
Thanks for your input though.



This is exactly it - my dad doesn't care whether I shut the door or not. In fact I regularly shut it. He feels there should be a certain order in the room because it's his house.
It doesn't seem to matter that I keep the door shut or that no one can actually see inside.

Once more, thank you all so far. Ultimately I will likely back down as I am lucky to be living with parents and although I could, I wouldn't want to move out. But at least during our talk I know I'm not being totally unfair in requesting a bit of privacy.

But are you actually paying rent or are you just paying your board?

scooby088

Put a lock on your bedroom door, that should be done with the snooping.

thorsoak

I take it you are the oldest in the family? By the time your youngest sibling reaches your age, I'd lay odds on the fact that your father will have relaxed his rules!

If I were in your shoes, I would be making plans to move into my own place as soon as possible - even if it is a room in a shared house. Your siblings are at uni/college and are becoming independant - I'm not sure from your post whether you've returned from uni or not - but big breath - and jump!!

maman

I'm with the camp that says your father can expect whatever he chooses in his own home. You're not like a paying lodger, you're his son and need to show him that respect. What you're trying to do is live (within the confines of that room) much as you perhaps did when you were in student accommodation.

That being said, I do think he is being unreasonable. I can't see what difference it makes if a room he doesn't use or need to go into is messy. With both my DDs I just let them get on with it in their own rooms from an early age. I just supplied clean bedding, did other washing if it was put in the basket, and occasionally vacuumed any visible patch of carpet. BUT, I'm not your dad, he is and this is one of his quirks.

You could have a conversation but I don't think it's worth falling out over. If it bothers you that much you'll just have to live elsewhere.

KxMx

I do think he's being unreasonable but at the end of the day it is his house, his rules i'm afraid.
If he isn't going to be reasonable about it then moving out would be my solution.
When you live with parents at our age you do have to put up with things being done their way because it is their house. But if it is intolerable to you and moving out is an option, then go for it.

sherri01

I wish my 20 year old son was as respectful, had a job for 6 months, got sack for not turning up says he can't afford to pay board ( but he can afford to go to the pub!) keeps his room filthy including food wrappers & dirty plates. Also keeps the kitchen a mess, supposed to keep the garden tidy as part of the family but will always do it tomorrow, just as I get ready to tell him to leave he shows me a letter from college where he starts full time in Sept. He will not have any money so will not be able to support himself for at least the next 2 years. I'll swop your parents children anytime you should have privacy at your age.

bagpussbear

VitcH wrote: »

Mum can see both sides and is being neutral. But knowing that my dad is unlikely to budge once his mind is set on something, I think she is being sensible by not instigating a row even if she thinks I have a point.

The room is everything you said - well ventilated, not damaged, all in order save me being a bit messy.

Shame, mum doesn't want to take sides.

If you don't mind me asking, under what circumstances did you move back into the home? I'm just wondering if your mum and dad were looking forward to the time when the kids moved out and having time together for themselves. Possibly you moving back in has caused resentment on your father's part, and hence him moaning about you being messy is actually much more than that, unspoken.

Sorry if I am barking up the wrong tree though

an9i77

OP - I think it was the mention of 3 pairs of shoes on the floor that may have given the impression you were a lady - a lot of guys don't even own three pairs of shoes!

whitewing

I'm a control freak, but I think your dad is being unreasonable based on your clean mess.