Living with parents - am I being unreasonable?

elsien

I don't think your dad is treating you like an adult - threatening to go into your room to get rid of stuff is what people so with stroppy teenagers. How is he with other choices that you make - having people to stay, that sort of things?

When I moved back to my mum's after being away for a number of years we had some amazing rows to start with. She's a lark, I'm a night owl, she's tidy I'm messy. She got time to herself when I was at work, I never got the house to myself as she never went out (lived above the business.) Some major causes of friction going on there for a while. But I needed to stay because I couldn't afford my own place, and she wanted me to stay because she liked the company so after a bit of compromising on both sides we got there in the end.
Although there were times when she forgot I was an adult and I had to remind her that certain things were my decision and not hers. And the need to respect my privacy in my own space.

But if your dad won't budge, are the rest of the living arrangements worth putting up with it for? (And how would he react if suggested a lock on your door?!) Otherwise if you give an ultimatum, be prepared to start looking elsewhere.

Person_one

If I were you, I'd have a sit down and a chat as grown ups, be calm and don't get fall back into 'teenager mode'.

You're paying rent, you're an adult, you have a right to some privacy and to some say over how you live.

Any messiness that impacts on the rest of the family is a no-no, as it would be in a flatshare, but a bit of clutter in your own room, that only you have to deal with is your business and nobody else's.

It can be hard for parents to adjust to their children returning as adults,but if you're going to continue to live there you can't feel like a naughty child being scolded all the time!

Are you able to or wanting to move out? What's the reason for living with them?

travelgran

So at 24 your dad feels it's ok to check out your room and go through your things. I think it's as much a question of privacy as it is of standards.

Dunroamin

FBaby wrote: »

I don't understand this logic. You're either in your parents house and don't pay for rent, or you pay rent and it does become a house-share with you having some rights to privacy. You can't have it both ways surely.

You could be living with your parents and paying rent but still have to abide by their rules re visitors, boyfriends etc. I don't see it as any different.

OP, when you say thet you're paying rent, do you actually mean this or are you just paying for your keep ie. share of food and bills?

kelpie35

My take on this is that your are very lucky to have a family who is willing to have you still staying under their roof.

I think you need to show your parents respect by abiding by their rules.

To me it does not matter how much you pay for your board and you sound a very ungrateful young lady.

nearlyrich

I think your dad should pick his battles I did from when my two were old enough to push a hoover, but to be fair he get's to decide how he wants his house to be kept.

You get to decide whether the under commercial rate rent is worth a bit of doing as you are told by your dad...

balletshoes

kelpie35 wrote: »

My take on this is that your are very lucky to have a family who is willing to have you still staying under their roof.

I think you need to show your parents respect by abiding by their rules.

To me it does not matter how much you pay for your board and you sound a very ungrateful young lady.

I don't agree with you there kelpie - she's paying board, she might be paying a full share of all the household bills as her board, and I do agree with others that as she's paying her way in the house, she should be allowed some privacy in her own room.

But, as I said before, unless her dad can compromise and see that she is an adult, paying her way, and therefore entitled to keep her room her own way (maybe OP you could just shut the bedroom door when you're out, so its out of sight, out of mind for your Dad?), then its her Dad who holds all the cards.

victory

kelpie35 wrote: »

My take on this is that your are very lucky to have a family who is willing to have you still staying under their roof.

I think you need to show your parents respect by abiding by their rules.

To me it does not matter how much you pay for your board and you sound a very ungrateful young lady.

I don't think so at all. At the age of 24 why would the father need to go into his daughters room? Surely the daughter, changes the sheets, there is no need for the father to go into the room and certainly not threaten to throw things out in a week if it is not tidied up....no one apart from the daughter need see the mess, it is not affecting the run of the house, it is a 'mess' that can easily be sorted out by closing the door to the bedroom...

Dunroamin

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't agree with you there kelpie - she's paying board, she might be paying a full share of all the household bills as her board, and I do agree with others that as she's paying her way in the house, she should be allowed some privacy in her own room.

But, as I said before, unless her dad can compromise and see that she is an adult, paying her way, and therefore entitled to keep her room her own way (maybe OP you could just shut the bedroom door when you're out, so its out of sight, out of mind for your Dad?), then its her Dad who holds all the cards.

Paying your share of the bills isn't the same as paying rent and doesn't necessarily give you the same rights that you'd have if actually paying rent in a flat share. That's why I asked the above question.

Brighton_belle

kelpie35 wrote: »

My take on this is that your are very lucky to have a family who is willing to have you still staying under their roof.

I think you need to show your parents respect by abiding by their rules.

To me it does not matter how much you pay for your board and you sound a very ungrateful young lady.

Couldn't disagree more with this post. 'Ungrateful young lady',lol, rather patronising towards a very level headed non ranty post.
It is ok to question /challenge a parent who invades your privacy.
I would say the father is very lucky he has a son/daughter who wants to live under the same roof as him given his inappropriate sense of adult boundaries.