Living with parents - am I being unreasonable?

Pollycat

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

When we had a similar problem, I took the attitude, as long as the mess stays in that room, then OK.

I agree with this.

As long as you're not leaving magazines strewn on the living room floor or your breakfast dishes soaking in the sink or wet towels on the floor in the communal bathroom, I can't see what harm 'mess' in your own room is doing.

And I'd be bloody annoyed if I were - at the age of 24 - paying rent for a room and someone came into that room uninvited.
I'd see it as a gross invasion of my privacy.
So - how does your Dad know your room is (in his opinion) 'messy'?

But at the end of the day, it's not your house and regardless of what other people's opinions are about the situation, it's you who has to live there and if your Dad is so intransigent about tidiness, I guess you either have to comply or look for an alternative place to live.

Dunroamin

People keep saying that the OP is paying rent but he hasn't actually clarified whether this is the case or not and, personally, I feel that this makes a difference as to whether the father's attitde is reasonable or not.

However, as an untidy person myself, I couldn't live in this situation but then I wouldn't have wanted to be living with my parents for more than a couple of weeks at this age anyway.

MrsE_2

FBaby wrote: »

I don't understand this logic. You're either in your parents house and don't pay for rent, or you pay rent and it does become a house-share with you having some rights to privacy. You can't have it both ways surely.

I do.
Is s/he paying the going market rate for the room?
With adult kids at home its usually an amount to cover food & fuel, with no real rent element I it.

Prothet_of_Doom

jetplane wrote: »

The equal relationship is more important and won which is why I left her and her room to it but it still made me feel uncomfortable. It is no secret that I have to fight my ocd traits when it comes to my family and work but I recognise it and my colleagues jest about it. Apart from this I am a wonderful, loving, loyal and supportive person just fighting my control demons :rotfl:

Sorry if it came out like I was getting at you. I think most people with mild OCD do try to balance not passing it on to others.

I have a few in my extended family who suffer, and I'm always struck by the irony of it all. One demands that we clean her toilet after using it, and yet there's mould growing in the kitchen near the sink on the draining board.

Brighton_belle

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Here's some fun - ask your dad if he's declared any of the 'rent' you pay to the taxman...

You can earn up to £4,250 tax free p.a. from renting a room out in your home under the 'rent a room' scheme.

However, I suspect the OP isn't paying 'rent' but board - which is cost of his food and utilites/C.Tax etc so nothing to declare there either.

Desperado99

VitcH wrote: »

Once more, thank you all so far. Ultimately I will likely back down as I am lucky to be living with parents and although I could, I wouldn't want to move out. But at least during our talk I know I'm not being totally unfair in requesting a bit of privacy.

This whole topic reminds me of when I moved back home after uni, I was working full time, paying (albeit a nominal) rent, helping round the house etc. But Mum totally reverted to me being a teenager making sure I was 'doing my homework' (I was studying for accountancy exams whilst working). Luckily she realised what she was doing when I told her I was going out to watch the football at a friends house in another town (Euro 96 ) and she raised her eyebrows at me to be told "Don't worry I know it's a school night" :rotfl:She backed off after that.


I think backing down is probably the only way forward as your dad sounds as if he has his 'quirks' and it'll be easier for everyone.

No real advice, but just really say that it is hard to move back into the parents house after being away and independent, Yes it is fantastic that you have supportive parents who let you come home (not all do) but certainly wanting to maintain your own bit of space in your own way doesn't make you 'ungrateful'.

southoftheriver

I wonder how many of the people being flippant about moving out have tried being in their twenties in this climate? I'm 28 and I don't live at home, but I would if I could. People aren't walking into jobs straight out of uni and even if they are, things like saving for a deposit on a home and being solvent are much more difficult in the current climate. I would agree completely if the OP was being belligerent, but he comes across as a sensible non-dramatic person who is trying to figure out how best to respect his dad and have some autonomy.

esmerelda98

Dunroamin wrote: »

People keep saying that the OP is paying rent but he hasn't actually clarified whether this is the case or not and, personally, I feel that this makes a difference as to whether the father's attitde is reasonable or not.

He gives a clue in the first post. He'd have to add to what he gives his parents in order to pay for a room in a shared house. So he isn't paying a commercial rate. I am also pretty sure that lodgers, unlike tenants, have very few rights. A tenant must be allowed 'quiet enjoyment', however since a lodger is living in someone else's home, the homeowner can proceed pretty much as they wish, within the law.

Beachview_2

geoffky wrote: »

You are very lucky because at 24 you would not be living in my house...You are a adult so go out into the world and act like one...Some people need the push or they become cuckoos in the nest..

My cousin is 29 and still lives at home. She is not allowed to move out until she is married, that is the view taken my my family. She told me she would like to be out in a flat somewhere like other people her age but she's not allowed to. I think her parents like having her at home because she has always done a lot of housework and gardening.

She'd love the push but she's not allowed

Mojisola

Beachview wrote: »

My cousin is 29 and still lives at home. She is not allowed to move out until she is married, that is the view taken my my family. She told me she would like to be out in a flat somewhere like other people her age but she's not allowed to. I think her parents like having her at home because she has always done a lot of housework and gardening.

She'd love the push but she's not allowed

How would her parents stop her?