Living with parents - am I being unreasonable?

VitcH_3

Afternoon everyone,

I appreciate my non-existant post count here as I'm more of a reader rather than a writer, but I'd appreciate some input on the following situation:

I'm 24, I moved back in with my parents in May. We live in a 4 bed house.
My parents have their room, my brother and sister have a room each although they're away studying most of the year. And there's my room.

I work full time and pay my parents rent, something I suggested and an amount which we all agreed on.

Since I was young my dad has tried to instill a certain lifestyle in us. He prefers to have things neat and tidy. I abided by this until I moved out of the house to go to university.

Now I've moved back in, he is unhappy that my room is 'messy'. Different people have different interpretations of what messy is, but in my case it is a few magazines and pieces of paper in the pile on the floor, things strewn out across the top of my cabinet, bits and bobs on my desk, clothes (ironed and not) thrown across the chair and bed, etc. Also 3 pairs of shoes on the floor.

In my opinion it's nothing major, it's the way I like it.
A kind of 'organised mess' - I know where everything is, and I leave things in certain places so they annoy me and remind me they're on my to-do list.
I do not leave plates and wrappers in the room, I don't damage the carpet, etc.

My dad has said although it is my room, the house is his (not ours) and I should respect the sense of cleanliness he tried to teach us since we were young.
While I understand this, I think the room is mine and as long as I'm not damaging anything, I should be free to have a little mess in there if I want to.
No one needs to come in if they don't want to see it.

As far as the rest of the house goes, I abide by my parent's rules, in terms of cleaning up after myself etc, and things run smooth.

I'm not a kid any more and at 24 I think my dad is being unreasonable, having demanded that I either make the room more presentable within a week, or he will do it for me (meaning he'll chuck stuff out or put things he deems I don't need or use often into the loft).
With the amount of rent I pay, were I to add a little more I could get a room rented privately with a landlord who wouldn't care what I did with it.

I've always been the compromising type so if I'd appreciate if I'm overreacting here, but I feel inclined to stand my ground.

Any input would be much appreciated.

kerri_dfw

It's your parents house, either abide by their rules fully or move out. Simples. Your Dad has set rules by you keep and remain in his house.

When I go back to my parents I abide by their rules whether I agree with them or not, then when I am in my own house I do as I please.

Keeping_Positive

I think you are in the right here. You are an adult paying your way and its in your space. Not sure what to suggest to help though sorry

balletshoes

my opinion is, at the age of 24, if your Dad is insisting on you applying his standards to your room in his home, and you don't agree, you have 2 options.

You either abide by his rules in his house, or you move out.

I don't mean that to sound harsh - if your Dad is the kind of guy who will listen to your idea of compromise and agree to it, fine. If not, he holds all the cards - its his house, not yours. Thats the bottom line.

FBaby

You are not a child any longer, you are a grown up adult paying board. You therefore should have rights boarders get and that includes privacy of your room. As much as I agree that children should adhere to their parents rules, I don't think this is the case any longer when you start paying for your own room (that is for your room of course, it still applies in communal areas).

Saying that, what can you do? You either have to go with it, continue to fight with your dad about it, or move out. Ultimately, that's what you should be aiming towards.

Brighton_belle

I too think you're an adult paying his way and how you keep your room is up to you.
Given how in every other respect you are respectful of how your parents like things to be and contribute to the upkeep of the house, I think your father is been unreasonable.
For the record, I am more likely to be a similar age to your dad.

I don't think he is going to compromise though...

BitterAndTwisted

You're living in your parents' home, not in a house-share so you abide by their rules or make other arrangements. Doesn't matter whether you're paying a fair amount of keep to them or not.

*max*

Agree with previous poster: assuming you're paying a fair rent, you should be able to keep your own room as you like it. Your dad is being unreasonable.

That said, it'd be easier for you to just move out than risk compromising your relationship with your parents over something like this.

FBaby

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You're living in your parents' home, not in a house-share so you abide by their rules or make other arrangements. Doesn't matter whether you're paying a fair amount of keep to them or not.

I don't understand this logic. You're either in your parents house and don't pay for rent, or you pay rent and it does become a house-share with you having some rights to privacy. You can't have it both ways surely.

Lagoon

I'm with those saying that you keep the house, including your room, to your father's standards.

You say that at 24 you're 'not a kid anymore', but you are living in that child/parent environment. Your age at the moment has nothing to do with it - it's the dynamic of the household.

Moving out is the answer. If you want to live as an adult, don't live with your mum and dad.

19lottie82

I don't think you are being unreasonable but then again I don't think there's a lot you can do about it.

Either swallow your pride and spend 5 mins a day tidying it, or move out.