I am not putting my darling kids thorough D.I.V.O.R.C.E

marisco_2

It is very difficult to contemplate ending a relationship when children are involved. I think many people stay together in the belief that this is better for the children overall, than putting them through the upset and pain of seeing their parents split up. I don't agree with this way of thinking. Being raised in an unhappy environment does impact a child. They are very perceptive and know, no matter how well you think you hide it, they will be affected by your relationship. They will also view how their parents interact and behave toward each other as being the 'norm' and will expect this for themselves later on.

Far better in my opinion if a relationship is really unhappy and you are each only in it for the sake of the children to split up. It is then up to the couple to adjust their relationship to now being two parents working together, treating each other with respect and compromising in order to raise their children to the best of their abilities. If more people did this then children would be far less traumatised by their parents divorcing. It is when people refuse to put their children's welfare and wellbeing first, preferring to use them like pawns in a game that children stand to get terribly hurt. All preventable if the adults behave responsibly and with integrity. They can also go on to build a happy and fulfilling future for themselves too.

Gigglepig

there are many threads that make me seriously wonder why people think it is a good idea to have children without being financially stable and in a long term stable relationship with a suitable partner they know very well. and then when space and money are stretched, or there are big issues in the relationship, still deliberately proceed to have more children. Of course things can go wrong despite the best of plans, illness or redundancy can happen to anyone, and people can change, but some people don't seem to even attempt for things to go well.

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

my personal opinion, anyone/everyone else aside, is that 80% happy is pretty good, yes? I can't imagine I would moan at all about being 80% happy - life isn't perfect, so I don't think its possible to be 100% happy all the time?

That's what I thought!

Unless you marry a robot, or someone who is willing to dedicate themselves to nothing other than making you happy, does anyone ever get to 100%? Nobody's perfect, life certainly isn't perfect.

krlyr

Pechow wrote: »

I and my sibling were very aware that our parents only seemed to be together because of us and spent most of our teenage years waiting for the day they'd finally announce that they were getting divorced. Lo and behold, after we'd both grown up and were in our early 20's, they finally split up after one had an affair due to lack of attention from the other for years, with the other saying they were miserable for years and wanted to do their own thing now.

The feeling of being the cause of their misery by being the only reason they were together (in a teenager's mind) was quite strong and even now I wish they'd not stayed together for our sake. It would have been much better to deal with the initial fallout then have them both find happiness and hopefully remain friends or at least respectful than the mess and resentment that ended up happening.

Exactly. Not just that, but being in an unhappy marriage affected my parent's behaviour too, which affected us negatively - my dad spent a lot of time away from home, with other women, which meant we didn't have as much time with him, and my mum was quite low emotionally at times (suspecting the affairs but my dad doing his best to convince her she was going mad) and therefore all we saw a lot of the time was this unhappy person.

My mum kicking him out was one of the best things she's done for herself, and our relationship changed for the better - we clashed a lot when I was in my teens but I began to see her as a person, not a nagging mother. We get along brilliantly now - we worked together in the same office for 7 years, which many people find quite an achievement!

aridjis

Perhaps it's a cliche, but I often get the impression that people want the big wedding, and the bells and whistles, but when reality hits them or the going gets tough they decide being married to that person is not what they want, after all and they split up. It's a shame where there are children involved.

Heffi1

My ex was a bully and I came to believe that as long as he didn't hit me then I had quite a good deal really !

I tried to shield the kids from it.

My daughter has seen him for what he really is and I am pleased to say that I had no hand in it as I did my very best not to bad mouth him at all.

whitewing

I have known people shocked and hurt when their parents get divorced as they reach adulthood/early twenties, especially if it coincides with them being at university. It rocks them to the core and is like everything that they believed in is shaky.

I also had a friend whose mum was single for years. Mum got a boyfriend when my friend was at uni and she found it really hard to deal with when she went home for visits as she was not used to having a man about the house or even seeing her mum with an adult male. It was quite funny at times and my friend could laugh at herself at times but is did unleash some strong emotions.

Padstow

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Hi,

Just curious how many are in unhappy relationships/marriages yet stay together for the sake of the kids, ie. not entirely happy but would rather be 80% happy than put their kids through some of the break ups we read of on this thread on a daily basis.

Stories regarding broken families, the horror stories that mother/father turn into evil people using the kids as weapons. There is always appears some sibling of the father or a friend of the mother stating he/she is being difficult, kids are being neglected, clothes are grubby or small on a visit, when the kids are allowed to visit they cry because they are unhappy.
Anyway I just wondered as reading them all I would rather stay put and put on a brave face until the kids were 18 then make a run for it! The again my circumstances are reasonable no dramas, arguments, disagreements regarding kids so I guess I am not at unhappy stage yet, but do wonder what I would do If I ever was.

If you believe most women make a choice, you need to wake up. The choice is made when the H meets someone else.

I have cringed over the years when reading, "My husband would never cheat on me." How many of those I wonder are signing in with, "I'm using a different user name."

Never be be smug moneysaymoneydo, because life turns on a sixpence and it may be you next!

moneysaymoneydo

Oh don't you worry Padstow I am under no illusions trust me and if he does do the dirty (as I have three times)(well once a 1 night stand) would I leave or forgive for the sake of the kids!

So I never do say - never say never - I say if/when :rotfl:

Valli

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

The again my circumstances are reasonable no dramas, arguments, disagreements regarding kids so I guess I am not at unhappy stage yet, but do wonder what I would do If I ever was.

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Oh don't you worry Padstow I am under no illusions trust me and if he does do the dirty (as I have three times)(well once a 1 night stand) would I leave or forgive for the sake of the kids!

So I never do say - never say never - I say if/when :rotfl:

Oh believe me, you're at the unhappy stage if you're looking for (and finding) 'fun' elsewhere.