I am not putting my darling kids thorough D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Padstow

Just to point out to moneysaymoneydo, adulterers claim the affair is their first one, as do shoplifters when we know darn well they've offended before. They are both skanks.

Your mate well be cheating on you, and I daresay he is.

GoldenShadow

My parents divorced when I was 14 after 27 years of marriage. They had stayed together 'for the sake of you kids' for a fair few years and it was that (IMO) which made the divorce so bad. By the time it happened life was horrendous and my parents relationship itself (not so much the actual divorce) had a huge negative impact on my childhood and teenage years.

I don't have kids but from my viewpoint would not stay in a relationship if unhappy, it will filter through IMO. My parents got so absorbed into their own negative lives with each other that we got forgotten about (despite to this day them thinking otherwise).

My Aunt is just divorcing her OH and they've been married 20 odd years. Her kids (22 and 19) are heartbroken. Their parents waited until all exams etc were done but the kids feel as though they've been living a lie for a very long time. Unless there are exams in two months type of time scale I really don't see why people should put it off.

moneysaymoneydo

Padstow I appreciate you opening my eyes to the fact I was so blindsighted to think my Oh could actually, possibly, might positively be cheating on me, and you are so right how do we know the first time, second time, third time?? its just so much to bear.

I think I am changing my username to skankonansy thanks to you it sounds good and fitting for a cheater like me :rotfl:

Although Paulines - troll from the trippy trappy bridge is a close second, I loved that one also.

Valli

s'ok OP.

I think we've all worked out what type of person you are.

No need to change your username at all. You say one thing - and do another. It's utterly appropriate.

The only difference is you think it's funny - I don't; I suspect other posters would agree with me.

trevorsminted

Hate to point out the obvious Padstows but there whether cheating or shoplifting there actually will be a first time at some point or else it would never happen.

And just because one cheats does not mean they do not value their marriage vows, I gamble heavily my missus is unaware and would be horrified to discover just how much I have lost but we are happy whilst she is blissfully unaware. That sounds bad but we all do things we shouldn't I guess!

Valli

trevorsminted wrote: »

Hate to point out the obvious Padstows but there whether cheating or shoplifting there actually will be a first time at some point or else it would never happen.

And just because one cheats does not mean they do not value their marriage vows, I gamble heavily my missus is unaware and would be horrified to discover just how much I have lost but we are happy whilst she is blissfully unaware. That sounds bad but we all do things we shouldn't I guess!

Cheating, though, is covered in the marriage vows. 'With my body I thee worship' and 'Forsaking all others'

OP must have said f u c k i n g instead of forsaking.

mortgagenomore_2

I agree sometimes divorce is the only option whilst not ideal, you have to go with the kids happiness first.

The OP did admit to cheating but some are going on about that, yes it is wrong but people do it and other things to be fair she was asking about divorce and I have cheated on past relationships whilst being happy - they just happened at the moment - until you walked in someones shoes

Valli

mortgagenomore wrote: »

I agree sometimes divorce is the only option whilst not ideal, you have to go with the kids happiness first.

The OP did admit to cheating but some are going on about that, yes it is wrong but people do it and other things to be fair she was asking about divorce and I have cheated on past relationships whilst being happy - they just happened at the moment - until you walked in someones shoes

We're not arguing about people cheating - but those who value their marriages and see them as happy don't take that risk. Sorry. If you are truly happy in a marriage you don't risk it. In fact, if you truly are happy you don't send out the 'I am available' signal at all.

I personally object to the OP's stance.

It's fine to choose to remain married for the sake of the kids. But if you are staying married then you shouldn't be cheating. And you certainly shouldn't be 'preaching' about the 'sacrifice' you're making for the sake of your kids when you are, in fact. living a lie because you are sh@gging other people - it's not even if the OP has discussed it with her partner and they've agreed to have an open marriage.

So she's deceiving her kids; she's deceiving her husband and she's deceiving herself. And I for one think that is very, very sad.

moneysaymoneydo

I'm not bursting with 'high morals'. I just don't like the fact that you appear to think, because you AREN'T divorced, and have decided to remain in your sham of a marriage 'for the sake of the kids' you're somehow better than ME.

Aah just found above reply from Valli and I am aghast how I think I am better than you because I am not divorced and you are a single parent, you are constantly bringing up the sham marriage and the broken vows and the cheating and I can now see the bigger picture, you being divorced/separated obviously vows have also been broken (possibly not by yourself of course) as marriage is for life so I do apologise once again I do not think I am better than you because I am still in my sham of a marriage.

Valli

Don't you know how to quote? That post is rather confusing...

Look OP you have decided to stay in a sham marriage - your choice BUT throughout the thread you have implied this is somehow better than being divorced.

Well it isn't.

Lots of people are divorced. FWIW I petitioned for mine, for reasons other than adultery.

What you don't get is that to set yourself up as somehow 'superior' because you are 'sacrificing' your life (by staying married for the sake of your children, in itself a noble ideal) then admit to actually having had an affair...and another affair..and a one night stand.

Not such the martyr now - because YOU are having YOUR 'fun' behind your husband's back.

YOU have made your choice - you haven't given your husband that privelege, have you? He doesn't know he's in a sham of a marriage. You could have discussed it with him and agreed, between you, that you would have an open marriage. You've not even done that. So what you've got is lies, and deception and hole in the corner and cheating and lying.

Both my ex husband and I, on the other hand, are free to be with whomsoever we choose.