Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

MrsDrink

tracytaxi wrote: »

I presume we will have to sort this out somehow but right now I just feel exhausted and will have to step back for a while as my head is messed up

For me this is the important thing. I have no doubt that with communication you could both come through this the other end and still be together, assuming that you both want to and that your expectations of marriage match. I personally don't think you should leave him, yet. But definitely keep talking about your needs, and don't let him drown them out with his own. Take care of yourself.

eschaton

tracytaxi wrote: »

Husband seems at ease with the revelation of his sexuality now ,his biggest concern is the survival of our marriage ,he does not want to cheat but does want the !!!!!! and. Chat rooms but doesn't want to upset me he feels the need for that and doesnt want to do it behind my back ,the erectile problem he explains is he feels more and feels more manly in the other posistion ,always has done but I have objected to it in that style since we married as I like to kiss him too and see him !

Walk away - quickly!

marisco_2

tracytaxi wrote: »

after 14 years of an ex husband who never really loves me and cheated and never showed his feelings

another ex husband he beat me and cheated and went with ladies of the night

How awful for you that having been in two previous marriages, where you were treated so badly, you are now confronted with this revelation from someone you trusted and considered to be a soul mate. I think it is so sad that you have become used to not being wanted. Nobody should be reduced to feeling that way. I hope that you can work through all this and get to a place where you feel okay again.

tinkerbell28

The chat rooms :eek: run as fast as you can. I think you'll find if you speak to all the other women. You'll have differing versions to what he's told you and they may relate well to you.

eschaton

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I think you'll find if you speak to all the other women. You'll have differing versions to what he's told you and they may relate well to you.

Exactly.

Three failed marriages and he has just put number 4 up in the air after 3 months.

Never his fault? Of course!

Dimey

tracytaxi wrote: »

Husband seems at ease with the revelation of his sexuality now ,his biggest concern is the survival of our marriage ,he does not want to cheat but does want the !!!!!! and. Chat rooms but doesn't want to upset me he feels the need for that and doesnt want to do it behind my back ,the erectile problem he explains is he feels more and feels more manly in the other posistion ,always has done but I have objected to it in that style since we married as I like to kiss him too and see him !

Well you can always take it in turns with your favourite positions. But you've got to want each other in the first place.

If it turns out he's gay then that "want" of a female will probably not be there in the long term. And if he hasn't just realised about his sexuality and has known all along then you're in the midst of some weird mind games.

If he's bisexual then he is more able to want you.

Could you live with the !!!!!! - if you view together?

The Chat rooms would be more of a threat to your marriage as you never know when he could meet someone who tempts him to try a step further.

Has your husband explained yet why he didn't tell you before the marriage and why he has told you now?
Has he explained whether he hid his !!!!!! and chat rooms in his previous marriages or have they only just started?
Did he cheat in those marriages? If so with both male and female or just male?

You could ask these questions to see whether he's been lying for a long time and its deeply ingrained (so not likely to change) or whether its recent.....

However, I thought it might be understandable if its recent because he feels comfortable with you to "come out". But you can't get away from the fact that he should have told you before you married and there's no generous way that can be excused or understood.

Its that deceit that makes posters say "run for the hills".

tracytaxi

He did not really look at !!!!!! in first two marriages ,no computer !he has never cheated all my checks when we first got together didnt throw anything up ,his third wife was emailing men less than a year into the marriage when my husbands savings ran out when he objected she kicked him out ! He never told me before as the urge to look ornthink about gay sex wasn't often and he was ashamed and when I caught him he had to tell the full truth or leave ! Now he has told me and I am unsure of the future but he says he loves me

Pechow

The !!!!!! is normal/fine imo (but is it for you?), the bedroom issues are something that can be worked on if he agrees to, and only you can say whether you truly trust him not to cheat on you. The chat rooms though are a big red flag-what exactly does he want to get out of them? Does he just want to have cybersex via writing, does he want to use webcams? Would it be with local people or from the other side of the world? Will they be random or will he want to stay friends with some of them? Would it be at the expense of doing things with you?

Dimey

Hmm, so it appears its all as new to him as it is you.

If he's been covering up his urges all these years, even he doesn't know how he's going to react in future as the "coming out" takes its course.

BitterAndTwisted

I don't believe a word of all this rubbish about not being able to admit to himself about his interest in other men for all of his adult life. That's a complete crock of !!!!!!! He's been interested in them all through his three marriages. I doubt he's even bisexual, I suspect he's just too deceitful to come out and admit to you that he's a gay man. The reason he's not able to have sex with you in the missionary position is so he can fantasise about doing it to another man much more easily. Being able to see your face during sex would just be a deflating distraction. "More manly" is about right. In his case there aren't enough of them in your bedroom and never will be.

Even in disclosing "the truth" to you he's been a downright liar.