Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

anamenottaken

tracytaxi wrote: »

He is mild,cuddly and soppy but living with this secret since he was 17 ,he has been married three times before and all wives cheated on him !

And the obvious question to ask is "why did all three women 'cheat'?". If he wasn't performing in the bedroom . . . if he was looking at gay !!!!!! and excluding them . . .

tracytaxi

Hi to be honest I just want a loving commited marriage ,husband has said he will not pursue it but could he adhere to it ? Is it right that he does ? In fairness to him his ex wives cheated ,but two of them were incredibly cruel too , he is in tears he loves me so much and he never really wanted me to know about his thoughts ,as he didn't want to lose me ,but now he has told me,the advise line told him to work through his feelings and it won't be overnight ,but this is something he suppressed since he was 17 ( his parents would disown him ).
Why am I being nice and calm ? Because I don't know what I will achieve on a knee jerk reaction ,no matter how tempted ,we have a joint tenancy etc .
How the hell I would tell my mum if we ended and why I don't know ,she would cut me out of her life with the shame with a failed marriage so soon ,no matter what the reason,and my teenagers are fond of him ,don't want to upset them .I feel empty inside he ticked all the boxes and made me feel special and loved,don't know if we will survive this ,as we both have to be happy ,thank you everyone

tracytaxi

I only know why the last one cheated ,he ran out of money the second one was a but case who burnt him with cigarettes and said he was too small ,and the first one ran off with the next door neighbour !but I wasn't there

pigpen

tracytaxi wrote: »

He is mild,cuddly and soppy but living with this secret since he was 17 ,he has been married three times before and all wives cheated on him !

Maybe they wanted a sex life he wasn't providing

lostinrates

I think you sound lovely.

I really think it might be worth talking this through with a third party the two of you. Something like relate.

It really cannot be kept together for your mother or his parents, but of you two both want it to it really can work. .

pmlindyloo

I have hesitated on posting here because I do not want to seem unkind.

I have read your previous posts and understand what a horrid time you have been through.

Now this is the bit I hesitate to write. I am wondering in view of your multiple problems in life whether you liked the idea of having a man in your life and was, perhaps, a little naïve about the relationship because he is rather a nice man (in all manner of ways I am sure). Please forgive me if I am totally wrong about this. Perhaps because of his illness the sexual part of your relationship wasn't important and could be explained.

Now he has 'confessed', I too would find it hard to forgive. Not because of his sexuality preferences but because of his not discussing this before marrying you and being 'up front'.

I couldn't live in a marriage where my OH wanted to experiment/'find himself'. The question is 'why would he think that you would be willing to do so?'

Only you can decide what to do. What do you want from this marriage? A soul partner? A lover? A companion?

Can you cope with what he wants?

If you can't then you need to annul the marriage and move forwards.

MrsDrink

tracytaxi wrote: »

How the hell I would tell my mum if we ended and why I don't know ,she would cut me out of her life with the shame with a failed marriage so soon

So you're happy to stay in an unhappy/unfullfilling/un-everything-you-expected marriage just because your mum would think bad of you? (I am exaggerating for effect).
(I'm not saying you should get your marriage annulled - only you and your husband can decide that; but if this is the only thing that would prevent you from doing it then I do feel sadness for you).
x

tracytaxi

Thanks ,I am feeling confused ,its so hard to be in this place right now and I know he is awfully mixed up too ,I guess you are born who you are ,and I sound nice ? I am too nice too understanding ,possibly a mug , as for sex life when it worked if you liked it never looking at him he was fine but obviously sometimes you want more ,he is still loving and liking to kiss me ,and I know he loves me ,just don't know if he can put this back in the imaginary box in his head where he mostly has kept it for 24 years

MrsDrink

I don't think it's about putting it back in the imaginary box to forget about it. As I said before I see no problem in being with someone who is bi-sexual as long as they are monogamous and committed to me. These are not mutually exclusive. If he was my husband he would still be "allowed" to fancy men, and view gay !!!!!!, but anything more than that would be crossing the line for me. And I'm kinda thinking you're the same as me. As long as he's 100% into your relationship you couldn't careless what his sexuality is.

I hate to write it but from what you've said I suspect he isn't 100% into your relationship. For that reason I would strongly recommend getting some help together (like relate).

tracytaxi

Hi pmlindyloo, no offence taken ,after 14 years of an ex husband who never really loves me and cheated and never showed his feelings and a other ex husband he beat me and cheated and went with ladies if the night ,when I met my hubby at first I told him to go away ,all my barriers were up ,but patiently he was there saying and doing the right thing ,I never saw this coming I thought I had my soul mate ,,no wouldn't stay in myarriage for others ,but I will be quite alone to deal with the impact ,as I am only child and it will be hard ,I could do it but it seems so bloody cruel and unfair that husband feels like this but is wonderful otherwise ,apart from the sexual side but it could be in part his illness and to be honest my ex never wanted me so used to it lol