Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

tracytaxi

I believe you can be bisexual and faithful ,no problem with that ,but would of preferred to have known before the marriage ,he only told me because I found and honestly wasn't looking gay !!!!!! ,and he lied at first and its four weeks for it all to come out ,and it also explains why I think we have some bedroom issues ,whereas when he discusses his urges as he puts it there isn't a problem !so I guess my problem is I want a loving conventional marriage ,knowing my husband is completely happy ,but because he hasn't felt able to acknowledge his bisexual side until now he wants to watch more !!!!!! and share his sexual thoughts online with men in the same boat ,he has also said he might like to meet someone just to see I understand where he is coming from ,just don't know how far he is going to take his awakening and if the marriage will survive ,he hasn't got anywhere to go if we split and due to illness doesn't work ,and he's got no one else and I don't want to abandon him ,not least I still love him ,but I don't think I could cope if he met someone for an encounter let alone the health side of things ,its a situation made harder as I love him and him me ,and I don't think I can give him all he needs ,sorry to go on

tracytaxi

Annulled as non consumunated hence my reference to bedroom problems ,I would of liked to start again on the marriage side going into it with full picture ,I thought it was his medication causing problems with arousal but not so sure now

MrsDrink

tracytaxi, as the above posters have asked (in a round about way), what is the thing that has upset you the most? Is it the fact he is bisexual? Is it the fact that he kept this to himself for so long and has only told you now? Is it the fact he was looking at !!!!!!? I'm afraid our advice will be different depending on the cause of your upset.

e.g. The fact he's bisexual. Whilst it'd be great if we all lived in an accepting society we know the reality is very different. Some people just would not be able to accept this - you may (or may not be) one of these people. In which case I'd advise going to see someone like relate to help you overcome this in one way or other. As others have said just because he is turned on by men and women does not mean he loves you any less.

If it's the fact he's been looking at !!!!!!. Again people have different reactions to this, some will say it's a way of life, others won't be so relaxed about it. I would say it is natural to think about and fantasise about other people (men or women, or both), when you're in a relationship, and for some people they do this through the media of !!!!!!. Again just because he's looked at !!!!!! it doesn't mean he loves you any less.

If it's the fact he's kept it a secret (and this is the only thing that would bother me) then I would say communication is the key here. Be proud and pleased that he obviously feels safe enough with you to confide in you (although being 'caught' did give a helping hand). I would recommend going to somewhere like relate to keep that communication going.

I wish you well, and hope you can see this doesn't mean the end of your marriage.

Upsidedown_Bear

Pee wrote: »

I'm almost 100% sure that you can't get a marriage annulled because your husband is bisexual. You could of course get a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (I don't think on the grounds of adultery) if he acted upon it, or possibly if he found the !!!!!! unreasonable behaviour.

Some info about getting a marriage annulled.

https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage/when-you-can-annul-a-marriage

Dunroamin

Do you have children?

peachyprice

Ah, I see, I didn't realise that he perhaps wants to pursue that lifestyle.

Well, as you say, he should have said so before he married you, it's very disrepectful not to have discussed this with you if he had an inkling that this was going to be more than an unfulfilled fantasy.

Asking your permission to try it with another man is no different to asking if he can cheat with another woman, surely he wouldn't expect you to agree with that?

I do know a couple where the wife is bi, but she didn't tell her husband for years, when it came down to the crunch they decided that they loved each other too much to split over it but he accepts that his wife has 'friends' that she spends time with too. It works for them and they have managed to remain happily married, but I would imagine it's easier for a man to accept and they tend not to form the same emotional ties to sex as women do.

I feel for you, you must feel very betrayed knowing that he wants to do this.

MrsDrink

Crossed posts.

tracytaxi wrote: »

I believe you can be bisexual and faithful ,no problem with that ,but would of preferred to have known before the marriage ,he only told me because I found and honestly wasn't looking gay !!!!!! ,and he lied at first and its four weeks for it all to come out ,and it also explains why I think we have some bedroom issues ,whereas when he discusses his urges as he puts it there isn't a problem !so I guess my problem is I want a loving conventional marriage ,knowing my husband is completely happy ,but because he hasn't felt able to acknowledge his bisexual side until now he wants to watch more !!!!!! and share his sexual thoughts online with men in the same boat ,he has also said he might like to meet someone just to see I understand where he is coming from ,just don't know how far he is going to take his awakening and if the marriage will survive ,he hasn't got anywhere to go if we split and due to illness doesn't work ,and he's got no one else and I don't want to abandon him ,not least I still love him ,but I don't think I could cope if he met someone for an encounter let alone the health side of things ,its a situation made harder as I love him and him me ,and I don't think I can give him all he needs ,sorry to go on

((hugs)) For me "he has also said he might like to meet someone just to see" would be a serious no-no. I would not tolerate my husband meeting up with a female for an 'encounter' so meeting up with another guy 'just to see' would not be tolerated either. He has a decision to make. Be monogamous or not. (Okay so in some relationships there is a 3rd option but that doesn't sound like the case here and it wouldn't be in my marriage - I am not a good sharer.) I would strongly recommend going together to talk through all the issues. x

pigpen

tracytaxi wrote: »

Annulled as non consumunated

I'd probably take this option.

I would feel lied to, betrayed and that he entered into the marriage dishonestly.. and hasn't even bothered consummating the marriage.. Letting him go now would be the easiest option all round.. you don't have to cut him out of your life, but it doesn't sound like you were ever really in it.

elsien

He want to meet someone just to see what? If he fancies them? Then what?
It's ok for him to tell you about his needs, but you also must be open with him about yours. If you both went into the marriage expecting monogamy, it is unfair of him 3 months later to change the goalposts, whether that's with men, women, or little green persons from outer space.
He might be confused; that doesn't give him the right to go off to find himself and drag you to a place you're not happy with if that's not okay with you.
It sounds to me like at the moment it's all about him. You need to remind him its about you as well. Open marriages only work if both parties are genuinely in agreement. Not if one is manipulated into something they don't want just to keep the other happy.

easy

erm ... you have been married 3 months and it still isn't consummated ? Then I would say there is a problem.

Did you have sexual relations before marriage? If the answer is yes, then you have to sit down with him and find out why he is now finding things more difficult, counselling seems inevitable.

If you hadn't done 'it' before the wedding, then he was denying his sexuality to himself, and probably thought it would 'sort itself out'. Of course it won't, without lots of help.