Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

tracytaxi

Hi I have children ,but not of this marriage ,what has upset me ? Just before we married I asked if there were any skeletons ? And he said no ,we had already been through
Hell for months before the wedding , with court cases and debt etc.He when he first told me said it was just !!!!!! and now he is growing more interested in taking it further ,he can't help his sexual preferences ,I know that,he said he loves me but needs to understand who he is and now its in the open he feels a sense of anticipation ,he certainly wants a gay sex side of things on a regular basis even if it were just chatting online , but then the issue is whether he could consummate and be interested in me ,as he finds it difficult to maintain ,sorry this is emabarrising

elsien

If he's bisexual and attracted to men and women, then consummating the marriage shouldn't be a problem for him. I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think you need to be asking whether he's gay rather than bi. As that's going to have a huge impact on where you go from here.
Sorry, but he's misled you and is now expecting you just to agree to him satisfying his needs and sod yours. Not the usual way of showing someone you love them. From where I'm sitting he sounds very selfish, and not someone I'd trust to do the right thing now.

MrsDrink

Like another poster has said - so far he seems to have been open about his feelings (albeit with lots of encouragement from you); but what about your feelings? Have you told him how you feel and what your expectations are?

Personally speaking, I have no issue with MrD looking at (or w***ing over) !!!!!! (as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life). I would draw the line in anything that involves 'communication' with another person - whether that is chat rooms or in person; anything where requests are made and acted upon; any type of reciprocation.

Bless you - you deserve so much more.

tracytaxi

Hi yes we did "do" it before marriage but ahem only one way ,he couldn't manage it in the straight forward manner ,but as I said due to heart problems he is on medication which can cause erectile disfunction ,so prior to marriage I thought maybe it was that ,after marriage despite cuddles nothing happened even though very loving and I thought it was life pressures such as we moved house and we had both been I'll etc ,in every way he is loving and affectionate ,so its difficult now

tracytaxi

He is mild,cuddly and soppy but living with this secret since he was 17 ,he has been married three times before and all wives cheated on him !

elsien

So he got divorced because his wives cheated on him, then expects you to be ok with him sleeping around/cheating on you. Bit of a double standard going on there, don't you think?

marisco_2

tracytaxi wrote: »

when he first told me said it was just !!!!!! and now he is growing more interested in taking it further ,he can't help his sexual preferences ,I know that,he said he loves me but needs to understand who he is and now its in the open he feels a sense of anticipation ,he certainly wants a gay sex side of things on a regular basis even if it were just chatting online

Your husbands recent revelations must have come as such an awful shock to you. I am going to be completely honest with you here, and say that if I found myself in your situation, I would find it impossible to stay in the marriage. As far as I am concerned trust and honesty are vital elements of a secure, long term relationship. If someone hides aspects of themselves from the person they plan to spend the rest of their life with then they fail to have a full and proper relationship with them.

Your husband must have known about his sexuality and desires for some amount of time, even if he struggled to admit those to himself. To go as far as marrying you without being completely up front about something as big and important as this is horrendous and deceitful. He took away your choice to decide whether you wanted to continue to be in a relationship with him once you had the truth of it. As his wife does he really now expect for you to accept and be okay with any of what I have quoted above? Could you really live like this?

bagpussbear

What a terrible shock for you OP.

I would also have it annulled. This is deceit, plain and simple. Looking at gay !!!!!!, and talking about meeting someone, well he is asking for an open marriage whereby he is having it off with other men.

Is that what you want for your life OP?

I think you are being terribly nice about the whole thing, but perhaps that's because you are in shock. He has deceived you about who he is and what he want to do in his life, and has married you in the hope you'll go along with it.

Personally I would be fuming, and no way would I want a marriage like that.

hugs.

lostinrates

Yes, the problem here is not bi sexuality. It's living and lots of other issues adding up.

I personally would not be able to go on in these circumstances OP, but the bi sexuality which has been the final straw for you would not have been an issue for me at all.

lostinrates

marisco wrote: »

. He took away your choice to decide whether you wanted to continue to be in a relationship with him once you had the truth of it. As his wife does he really now expect for you to accept and be okay with any of what I have quoted above? Could you really live like this?

Choice and honesty really are the crux of the matter.

Polyamourous relationships in any form do work for some, some blissfully some contentedly, some more resignedly, like other relationships, but IMO they have to be consensual and not strong armed or manipulated to have a hope of being ' ok'.

oP seems so incredibly reasonable and kind about her husband's revelation, I could hug her for her kindness about it, because its one of those times it would be most forgivable to be not so kind and forgiving! But this kind of arrangement should not be accepted because one party doesn't want to deny another their bisexuality IMO. Because they are then denying themselves ( or their partner is denying them) their own access to monogamous relationship...which is an equally important aspect of personal sexuality IMO.