Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

Pechow

tracytaxi wrote: »

Hi to be honest I just want a loving commited marriage ,husband has said he will not pursue it but could he adhere to it ? Is it right that he does ?

You'll have to decide for yourself whether you can trust him to adhere to it or not, especially in light of what he said. I would make it very clear that your terms for being married include monogamy and that if he wants to experiment with men, he should break up with you first, that you are not willing to have a partner who sleeps with other people.

Is it right? I'd say yes-he chose to make a commitment to you, being aware of his feelings. He didn't have to marry you, he could have experimented before meeting you, he could break up with you now if it means that much to him. I would suggest counselling/therapy for him to work through his feelings, and work out how much it means to him that he hasn't been able to sleep with men and won't be able to if he stays with you, along with working out any other issues he may have.

tracytaxi

Husband is currently on a bisexual forum having posted on there for advice and soul searching I have read his posting and its similar to mine ,he is currently emailing two chaps in the same situation I,e married to see how they sorted it out

marisco_2

tracytaxi wrote: »

How the hell I would tell my mum if we ended and why I don't know ,she would cut me out of her life with the shame with a failed marriage so soon ,no matter what the reason

I would like to say that this kind of anticipated response, from a relative who should love you unconditionally and want the best for you, had surprised and shocked me. Truth be told my mother disowned me when I left a violent and abusive marriage. Some people just don't have it in them to show any empathy or compassion. That is for their consciences to deal with though and shouldn't influence any decisions you make.

As you rightly say both yourself and your husband deserve a happy and fulfilling future, whether that be together or apart. You cant always please everybody, but you can do what makes you happy and allows you to lead the life you want. You just have to hope that those around you will respect your choices and be happy for you.

tinkerbell28

So 3 months in and no consummation? He's only managed it once before and not again, even then it was not "properly".

I'd say you were his straight cover and he is infact gay, I'd be annulling.

meritaten

is this a fidelity issue or do you feel that as a woman you are not as attractive to him? are you scared that he may be more inclined to 'wander' if both sexes are equally as attractive to him?
I would say you both need to talk very openly and frankly about your expectations. whether you can work it by yourselves or whether you may need outside help, such as counselling.

I can understand your shock and dismay - but, I feel this can be overcome - at least he has told you now , he may not have felt 'secure' enough before the wedding!

tracytaxi

Hi before marriage it was more than once but only from non missionary positions ,I don't want to share my husband with any one ,I guess we should talk to the GP about erectile problems , he tries and fails , so I don't know if it's medical or sexual, I just don't know how to resolve this , or if I can, yes I do wonder if I as a woman will be enough for him , and I don't want him to wish I was someone else , don't think he really know s

eschaton

Jump while you still can.

To keep this from you until after marriage says it all about him.

I don't bet but if I did, I would put all my money on him being gay as another poster said.

Pechow

tracytaxi wrote: »

Hi before marriage it was more than once but only from non missionary positions ,I don't want to share my husband with any one ,I guess we should talk to the go about erectile problems , he tries and fails , so I don't know if it's medical or sexual, I just don't know how to resolve this , or if I can

Can he get it up when by himself? If so then that points to a psychological issue rather than medical. There are plenty of straight men with erectile issues so I'm not going to infer anything purely from that, but if he's conflicted due to being attracted to men too then I can see that causing issues in the bedroom even if he truly is bisexual, and not gay as some suggest. There's also the cycle of failing once and being so worried about it happening the next time that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's just another thing that you both need to talk about, and ideally him with a professional too.

geoffky

tracytaxi wrote: »

Hi before marriage it was more than once but only from non missionary positions ,I don't want to share my husband with any one ,I guess we should talk to the GP about erectile problems , he tries and fails , so I don't know if it's medical or sexual, I just don't know how to resolve this , or if I can, yes I do wonder if I as a woman will be enough for him , and I don't want him to wish I was someone else , don't think he really know s

This will not be sorted out at the doctors...You have been conned into a marriage by a man who knew he would cause you heartbreak at some stage of this marriage..
The fact that he wants to explore tells you all you need to know...
You better prepare yourself for a marriage built on lies and deciept or bail out...Your choice and no one elses.
I feel for you...

Dimey

I can see you both love each other so maybe you really can sort this out.
Plenty of married couples do not have a sex life but do have a strong relationship in-love with each other.

The mystery is why your husband didn't explore and enjoy his bi-sexuality or gay-sexuality when he was younger and when he was single. Unless he did and he knows exactly what his preference is but is not prepared to give it up for monogamy.

When you marry you are saying you are giving up other partners to be monogamous with the person you love. Does your husband mean to keep to his marriage vows?

Perhaps your discussions should centre around whether you are both now able to commit to each other and not seek out casual partners. Then only time will tell. You both need to be utterly honest and non judgemental otherwise each of you will become jealous and think the other is cheating.

If you decide to stay together, I hope you keep talking and be honest with each other. Build a close bond of trust and love where it doesn't matter if your marriage is unconventional or your past is unconventional or what your relatives think. You are simply happy together and will give up whatever you can and want to give up in order to make the other happy.

Edit - Remember your husband has proved he's capable of deceit. Not a good foundation for friendship let alone marriage. Good luck :-)