Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

tracytaxi

The finances if we split up would mean my Carers allowance stops and the tax credits whilst I made a single claim ,I live off this money as I can't cover my overheads barely from taxi driving let alone live ,there are no assets rented house ,all all in all adds to the heart ache

Errata

I appreciate the financial situation might be tough, but you've managed before when you've been on your own and you will be able to manage again. Please don't stick with him for financial reasons.

shop-to-drop

Anyone know of there are any women's charities that may be able to help Tracy with her situation, perhaps with free legal help or something?

Possibly Citizens Advice Bureau but anywhere else?

Pechow

Errata wrote: »

Has it not occurred to you that if your OH is bisexual he'd be as keen to have sex with you, in a great many varied positions and as often, as a straight man? That's what bi means.
He'd be looking at lots and lots of straight !!!!!!. That's what bi means.
He isn't bi - he's gay.

She said though that he does other things for her in the bedroom, and tracytaxi said he's even offered since they got married. Why would he bother if he were gay and not bisexual? There's also the health problems she's mentioned, the psychological problems (both "I wonder what a dude is like" and "I failed all those other times I'll probably fail now"), and the hints that he might not be very well endowed (another reason why doggie is what works, it's the most recommended position for those with small penises). If he's on medication, that also could decrease libido and ability. She said he had heart problems, that could easily pose problems with circulation/getting blood where it's needed and staying there.

Also, being bi doesn't necessarily mean he'd be looking at lots of straight !!!!!!-bisexuals can prefer one sex/gender over the other, certain situations/acts/pairings/whatever can be nicer, he could prefer gay !!!!!! as that's the fantasy he hasn't been able to explore in real life.

I just think saying he's gay when there is the possibility he's telling the truth, given the reasons tracytaxi has given, is both assuming a bit and distracting from the real issues, like asking her if she was okay with him meeting other people while they were married, and the loss of trust in the relationship, as well as all the other little things like financial issues, etc.

tracytaxi

I am starting to feel really quite low , I know I will manage on my own but initially I still have to feed the kids and give them bus fare and pay bills , when u are at a low ebb when a relationship breaks down having no money and teenagers who just demand and think I am a failure as I don't have the money and my eldest girl 19 and at college studying 12 hours thinks that now ! I don't think hubby is gay ,but he talked to the gay and bi helpline just now and he is a bisexual with strong sexual feelings for men ,but emotionally for women or something like that,I was there when call was made . He should of come out before we married and apparently as he didn't its normal once he has to have the urges to satisfy what I as a woman cannot .it does not make it feel better as his wife but I understand ,and to be blunt he is small less than six ,and they said alternative positions do help with the wife ,but also he is a very visual man he likes to see the act to be blunt as this stimulates ,and obviously in missionary he can't .where I go from here is definite annulment if I can finish my arguments with the idiots at court who don't know their own rules as on direct gov , they don't count the partners income if the case is against the partner for fee exemption ,unlike the official who had me on hold ten minutes yesterday and said they did ,and rules are rules .well google is useful ! If we get annulment it wipes the marriage and gives a fresh non lied to start , whether love will sustain the relationship and stop him wanting to have sex with a man I don't know , but he can't have both

Calien27

Less than 6 inches isn't small, less than 4 inches, perhaps but 5-6 is actually pretty average/normal. Both of you should try couples therapy or even him, individually to work through the sexual hang ups he has. He can't let what was said in his past relationship continue to rule his thoughts and stop him and you from having a healthy and fulfilling sex life, really, only being able to do it in one position is not good.

He also should have counselling to help him come to terms with his feelings and possibly help him figure out what he wants in life. Whilst at the moment he may just be happy enough with the !!!!!! and chatting, that could easily change. Talking through everything could help him decide if he will be happy enough with that or if he would potentially be interested in exploring his sexuality more.

You could also benefit from some one on one counselling, it might help you come to terms with everything that's happened recently.

tracytaxi

Typo five inches but I have no problem with him it's his problem

Errata

tracytaxi wrote: »

Typo five inches but I have no problem with him it's his problem

It's only a problem if he makes it one. Very recent research has re-confirmed that the uk average is 5.5 inches.

paulineb_2

You want to pay to get the marriage annulled and then have a fresh start?

Id absolutely ask you to reconsider that. If you are determined to stay with this man why on earth go to the bother of getting the marriage annulled?

You want to be with him or you dont. And if you do and you are determined to make this marriage work for goodness sake go and get some counselling, on your own, with him or together.

An annulment wont give you a fresh start. It wont take away whats happened.

You either move on with him or without him but Im struggling to see the reasons behind getting your marriage annulled if you want to stay with him.

I think you should take some time, not just two days to think about where you both go from here.

tracytaxi

Yes I know Pauline , its actually been a week ,just two days since it was put it on here ,the hardest part is marriage is sacred and we married with my beloved fathers ring it was a very special day , and if I had known this we wouldn't of got married and especially with my dads ring as I would of wanted counselling for hubby and me ,I have no intention of another divorce so would hate to have hubby be unable to live with just me and stray , I love him but don't like our marriage based on misconceptions and don't know if I can work through this