Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

BitterAndTwisted

Darling, you're not stupid but I suspect he thinks that you are.

Only had this disclosure because he was found out. Now, he's been testing the water to see precisely what he can push you to accept, all the while crying like a child and telling you that he loves you truly, deeply and profoundly.

If you decide to chuck him out what will he do? He sounds like a semi-invalid, he has no income. No wonder he's making lots of declarations of undying love and all the rest of that tripe.

I regret to tell you that I think he's playing you like a bloody fiddle

eschaton

If he loses you, he loses his carer, house and everything else seeing as he hasn't got anything of his own.

He is ripping the !!!! right out of you.

It's hard to continue to be sympathetic towards someone like yourself when you refuse to take on board most of what people are telling you.

How many times to people need to tell you the same basic facts until you will acknowledge them?

All he is doing is taking you for a ride and he isn't even letting you get on the ride.

I need to go, I have way over 150ft of 6ft high fencing to paint

BitterAndTwisted

Eschaton she doesn't have to "take on board most of what people are telling her". She's not even obliged to acknowledge that she's read our posts. But she has, very politely and calmly, considering.

This is a terribly hard disclosure to come to terms with, and even if she is able to, that's not going to happen in a matter of hours.

Calien27

Birdie85 wrote: »

The fact that he hasn't managed to consumate the marriage would be sending off major warning bells for me, added to the fact that he only managed previously where he couldn't see your face? That's just wrong. No man who truly loves his wife and is sexually interested in her would find face-to-face sex so difficult. He says he's attracted to you and loves you... but how is he actually proving this?.

This bit keeps sticking out to me.

Have you tried to consumate the marriage?

Whilst it's nice to mix things up and try new ways of being intimate, always having to be done in a position where he can't see your face is questionable. You say he's attracted to you, if it's true, surely wanting to make love face to face, with eye contact would be something he'd want to do.

tracytaxi

Hi , thank you I am not looking for sympathy just trying to make sense of it all ,I am well aware to the outsiders what it looks like and sounds like ,but then no one has met my husband, I have now confided in a close friend who knows both of us and she says he definitly loves me for me,she said its obvious , so whilst he is no doubt scared of being homeless his feelings for me are genuine as far as anyone here who knows him can be.we are currently having a deep conversation and he has had the chance to go with a guy before we met it was a guy from his youth but he changed his mind in part because it was close to his parents,he said the urge for gay !!!!!! will always be there but won't act on meeting someone because he loves me

Errata

It starts off he told you

he has thought he was bisexual since he was 17.but couldn't even admit it to himself.

and now it's

he has had the chance to go with a guy before we met it was a guy from his youth but he changed his mind

If that is true he's lying, and I suspect there are more lies scattered around. Of course he's lovey dovey, swears he loves you etc etc you're his meal ticket. Whilst you're getting knackered driving your taxi around, he's sitting on the sofa figuring out how to keep you sweet so he has a roof over his head, food in his belly and plenty of !!!!!! to look at and chat with like minded souls.

MakeupAddict_2

Tracy, sit still ..take a deep breath..and give your brain a chance to stop, just for a minute.

You started this thread 48 hours ago. At that point your world had suddenly changed beyond recognition, and the time between has been a maelstrom of feelings and new information. In many ways your husband must feel like a stranger to you now. But two days is only the start. There's no way you can make sense of it in that time. It would be great if somehow between us on the forum we could all create a video of your next year.twoyears/ten, and fast forward it so that you can see how the story ends. But we can't All you can do is take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time and deal with it as best you can. Some things will become clearer, but other issues will take their place.

You've had a heck of a shock and you're having to adjust, and he is too. He had a coping strategy, even if it wasn't the most constructive - to stick his head in the sand and hope it would all be alright somehow. Now that you know, he has to adjust too, but because he's kept his thoughts suppressed, they're now gushing all over the place like a champagne bottle with the cork out, going from idea to idea. This has changed both of you forever, and you have to work out how you're going to go forward into a future that neither of you expected. You can't do that in two days.

It is certainly possible that he meant to keep things to himself for the rest of his life, that he loves you, and wishes he were different and straightforward. But he is what he is, and again you both have to work through that. You can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Plenty of posts have suggested what might happen, what might be happening now, what he might be thinking or planning to do. Nobody knows for sure. Unfortunately many of them may come true - I can't pretend there aren't a number of danger signs in his behaviour. Or alternatively you may work things out between you and have many years of happy marriage.

Take baby steps, one day at a time. If you do decide to have this thread closed, let me say one last thing - believe in yourself. If you do that, one way or another, whatever happens it will be the right outcome for YOU.

MuAx

Dimey

I have followed this thread every day but haven't had anything to add to my early posts.

Tracytaxi, you mentioned you might ask the moderators to close the thread at some point so may I say - You are in no great rush to sort this and make a decision right now. Unless you decide to go for the annulment then another poster said it must be done within the year of your marriage.

I'm sure your feelings will change over the coming weeks and each of you will start to get a better handle on which road you want to take.

You constantly assert that you and your husband truly love each other. If that's true and you can live with his deception and probable continued deceit about the extent of his gay life; and he can keep out of chat rooms or acting on his gay impulses; then maybe you'll end up working out a way to stay together. At least for some time.

If not - then the annulment is the least messy way forward. I would hope he'd do the decent thing and move out so you can keep your rented home.

I do feel for you Tracytaxi and wish you the courage to make the right decision for yourself. Don't be swayed by duty, pity, anger or embarrassment with relatives. You've already proved you can look after your children on your own. If necessary you can do so again. Best wishes.

coolcait

I think it was RAS who pointed out the financial risk to the OP.

She is the one with the assets. If she and this man had split up before marriage, he would have no claim on any of those assets.

If they split up after they've been married for a certian length of time (I forget how long RAS said) then the OP's husband gets a share of those assets.

In her position, I would seriously think about getting the annulment, to protect herself financially.

In terms of getting an annulment, the facts are that she married a man who had led her to believe he was straight, and that he had difficulty in having sex due to medical reasons.

Now that she is married, her husband declares that he is bisexual, that he has known this since he was seventeen, and that there has been at least one occasion where he could have been intimate with a man. He has failed to consummate the marriage, even after three months.

That's a pretty strong hand for getting an annulment - even from the Catholic Church!

However, if the OP and her current husband want to continue to have a relationship, after the annulment, while they work through these issues, then there is no reason why they can't do so. And no one else would need to know that the marriage had been anulled.

If, in the fullness of time, the couple finds that they are in a position where they trust each other enough to get married, they can have a quiet wedding - just themselves and a couple of randomers as witnesses. But, this time round it would be a marriage built on truth.

If, in the fullness of time, it becomes clear that there isn't enough trust to maintain a relationship - never mind a marriage - then the relationship ends. Without the complications of divorce, or loss of assets.

tracytaxi

Coolcait, funny you have just written my own thoughts .i cannot share my husband ,just decided to sit back and breath as I have to go back into work this week and concentrate ! My mind is swirling ,so is my husbands , part of me wants to be alone ,the other hand the vows were for better or worse, and I know keep only unto them or similar , breathing space , trying to work out how to be excempt from court fees from annulment ,they actually want his income and bank statements as we live in same house ,what a joke !