Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

stir_crazy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Say, is the term "beard" even used that often any longer?

I just had to google it

tracytaxi

Hi I really sound stupid don't I ? Husband who again has always been so loving in tears wishing he told me before the marriage ,he says he thought he could of kept it out of his head forever ,and how he wished he never felt like this about men and wish it would go away ,he says he loves me so much ,and i know he does, i have told him he has just to be truthful with himself and me ,and no no man is coming to my house .He says over the last few days his feelings regarding bisexuality are all over the place ,he doesn't want to experiment with a guy as he feels that would and the marriage but deep down he does feel the need ,after years of denying his TRUE feelings i kind of understand but don't condone .i feel very sad that this has happened but its not a case of being too sad a person to go it alone i genuinely adore my husband and value him ,and i know even though it doesn't sound like it he does me to.i don't know if we can save our marriage i totally don't want to share my husband with men ,he is still attracticed to me i know ,but it always will be there now won't it ?

tracytaxi

Sorry beard ???? I don't know what that means

lostinrates

tracytaxi wrote: »

Sorry beard ???? I don't know what that means

It's a cover...a wife a gay man marries to cover his sexuality to the world. His 'beard' a sign of his masculinity.

tracytaxi

He wants to consumate the marriage and he looks after me ,loves me ,kind and considerate but not always good with in depth feelings which I possibly think is his aspergers,I have told him exactly how. I feel ,he says our marriage is important and he will put his bisexuality in a box in a mind where it has been for 24 years , but can he ? Should he ? I probably come across as stupid but actually I am not ,just wish I had a magic wand , wish life would give me a break tha is everyone think I will ask moderator to close this thread later thanks

stir_crazy

tracytaxi wrote: »

Hi I really sound stupid don't I ? Husband who again has always been so loving in tears wishing he told me before the marriage ,he says he thought he could of kept it out of his head forever ,and how he wished he never felt like this about men and wish it would go away ,he says he loves me so much ,and i know he does, i have told him he has just to be truthful with himself and me ,and no no man is coming to my house .He says over the last few days his feelings regarding bisexuality are all over the place ,he doesn't want to experiment with a guy as he feels that would and the marriage but deep down he does feel the need ,after years of denying his TRUE feelings i kind of understand but don't condone .i feel very sad that this has happened but its not a case of being too sad a person to go it alone i genuinely adore my husband and value him ,and i know even though it doesn't sound like it he does me to.i don't know if we can save our marriage i totally don't want to share my husband with men ,he is still attracticed to me i know ,but it always will be there now won't it ?

No, you don't sound stupid, you sound like someone who has just been hit with a ton of bricks, as the saying goes. Finding out that someone has been hiding something and lying to you about it must be a massive shock, and well done OP for trying to deal with it and trying to get past it. However, I really do feel that your OH is trying to abuse your good nature and take you for a ride.

Pechow

It doesn't need to be put in a box, it just doesn't need to be acted on if he stays with you. That is entirely fair of you to ask him.

Birdie85

Tracy, I really feel for you, it must feel like the world is collapsing around you right now.

I have no issues with someone being bisexual as long as they are comfortable with it before entering a committed relationship and remaining monogamous throughout. It's the fact that it was kept secret and now he's keen to explore these feelings that worries me.

I think the other posters have hit the nail on the head, don't be steamrollered into letting him do what he wants to come to terms with his sexuality at the expense of your own feelings! It would be a deal breaker if he asked to sleep with other women so why is it OK for him to ask to sleep with other men? And what if he does go through with it 'to get it out of his system'... but he decides he rather likes it and wants to carry on? Where does it end?

The fact that he hasn't managed to consumate the marriage would be sending off major warning bells for me, added to the fact that he only managed previously where he couldn't see your face? That's just wrong. No man who truly loves his wife and is sexually interested in her would find face-to-face sex so difficult. He says he's attracted to you and loves you... but how is he actually proving this?

If you stay with him I hope you find peace and happiness together although I doubt it. I'd rather be alone in than in a sexless marriage where there's always going to be a doubt about his true feelings for me.

Please don't close the thread, you clearly need somewhere to let off steam and although you may be reading things you don't want to read, they're all people's honest opinions of the rubbish situation you've found yourself in which I think is what you need right now.

Have you/your husband got any friends one of you can stay with for a couple of days? I think you need some space to come to terms with what's going on.

stir_crazy

tracytaxi wrote: »

I feel ,he says our marriage is important and he will put his bisexuality in a box in a mind where it has been for 24 years , but can he ? Should he ?

He's no longer hiding his bisexuality from you, or himself. If he is bisexual (and not gay), then if anything he is now able to fully be himself in a monogamous relationship.

shop-to-drop

Besides the huge emotional risks of staying with this man have you also considered the health issues, STD's etc.

As a mother you also need to consider how this will affect your children. Be strong now and save yourself from inevitable disaster.