Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

elsien

tracytaxi wrote: »

,I insisted he told me everything with no regard to my feelings so I got the truth ,as I need to know where he is in his head

Then maybe now you need to reverse that and do the same. Tell him exactly what is going on in your head, without holding back. Brutal honesty, all cards on the table, and stop !!!!!footing around his feelings. Then you can start deciding what you want to do from a level playing field. You holding back to spare his feelings is the wrong path to take. In my opinion.

Errata

stir_crazy wrote: »

Sorry, but he's just asking if you're ok to let him cheat on you. I'm not saying the gay !!!!!! is a bad thing, but the once a week session and a "trial" looks like he's trying to get you to build up to what he wants - probably a bit on the side or for him to go with men guilt free when he feels the urge. Start small and work up to something bigger.

.

Looking at it from that perspective, it's similar to grooming.

BitterAndTwisted

I see your point Errata. First it was uncertainty/possible sublimated urges. Five minutes later it's maybe bisexual, not sure. Now, he's decided that he needs his weekly fix of gay perno and he "might" need to do the oral just to test whether it's really what he thinks it might be that he needs. All in the space of less than 48 hours!

Before the OP knows it, he'll have her choosing his dates, welcoming them into their home and very possibly filming it for him as well.

I mean, he's an invalid, has no wages of his own so has nowhere to go with them and no money to get there either.

Bloody slippery slope.

ebaybaby

OP, I feel so sad for you.
It sounds to me as if you are both clinging to each other, desperate for this to work, you because you have had such !!!!!! exe's and him because due to his upbringing he wants to appear "the norm" i.e: married etc.
As he has now asked that you to OK it for him to explore sex with another man, there in lies the answer. Would you OK it if he asked for permission to have sex with another woman?
You are obviously a kind and understanding person and I think he is taking advantage of your kindness although you say he loves you and you love him, I think its time to leave. I think he loves you as a person who is thinking about accepting him and not judging him for what ever sexuality he may be.

stir_crazy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I see your point Errata. First it was uncertainty/possible sublimated urges. Five minutes later it's maybe bisexual, not sure. Now, he's decided that he needs his weekly fix of gay perno and he "might" need to do the oral just to test whether it's really what he thinks it might be that he needs. All in the space of less than 48 hours!

^^^ This. According to yesterday's posts he was ashamed of his thoughts. Today he thinks he needs to experiment with other men, while married, in order to "get it out of his system". OP, there is no getting it out of his system. He doesn't need extra marital sex to confirm if he is straight, bisexual or gay. If you want to remain married to your OH, you need to sit him down and tell him how you really feel.

Errata

Pity he won't consummate his marriage and get that out of his system. Looks very much like all he wants is blokes and a beard.

lostinrates

I'm trying to think of one thing I have really wanted that I have had and never wanted again because I have ' got it out of my system'. It didn't work with chocolate, horse riding, buying a pretty pair of shoes, or sex.

That's generally because people want more of what they like, we being fairly greedy . That's why a vow of commitment is so important and serious.

I also sort of agree with the point bitter and twisted raises. Without wanting to be offensive, just as OP's ego seems perhaps rather fragile, his seems rather...robust. Nevertheless, that's not ally the point. OP will already be feeling significantly more fragile as a result of this I guess.

eschaton

tracytaxi wrote: »

Hi fosterdog and wol2 ,thank you for the most helpful posts , the slight difference fosterdog is my hubby has never had a relationship with a man so now he's come out U guess its curiosity ,I don't condone it but kind if understand ,I fully believe as bisexual you can be faithful to one partner .and wol2 you have really summed up how I am feeling .Husband answered my email telling me what he wants ,and I now have to reply ,and tell him my feelings he found it easier to be honest with me in an email ,as emotions don't come into it easily.He has told me he wants to watch gay !!!!!! once a week ,and "if I was ok" he would like to experience sex with another guy and oral to see if it gets it out of his system ,he stresses he won't do it if say no ,but if the urge was that strong would he go behind my back also i want my husband to only want me

Is this not enough for you to boot him out?

We have got to this stage very quickly and you are still pondering what to do.

Have some respect for yourself and tell him to pack his bags.

No matter what you decide to 'let' him do, you know what he wants. Can you honestly seeing him forgetting about all this if you say no? Not a !!!!ing chance in hell.

As others have said - he is 100% gay - you are nothing but a front.

eschaton

Errata wrote: »

Pity he won't consummate his marriage and get that out of his system. Looks very much like all he wants is blokes and a beard.

Or a woman from behind as a last resort to fantasise that it's a guy.

BitterAndTwisted

Errata wrote: »

Looks very much like all he wants is blokes and a beard.

Very delicately put. I'd have come up with something much, much coarser!

Say, is the term "beard" even used that often any longer?