Married 3 months ,husband just told me he is bisexual help!!

eschaton

tracytaxi wrote: »

I just want to be happy ! I want my hubby to tell me the truth , always and love me and be faithful ,will that happen and can I live with it

It's not going to happen.

Whilst you are out working 45 hours a week, he will be sitting chugging away in front of the PC.

If he could keep this from you until after you were married then he hasn't got an honest bone in his body.

paulineb_2

I think you need counselling to sort out your damaged self esteem and who wouldnt having been in two awful marriages.

People are human, they make mistakes, I think it looks like you were looking for mr perfect to come and rescue you and he also turned out to be a !!!! to be honest

You need counselling, he could do with it and then look at specific marriage counselling if you have any hope of saving this.

Errata

tracytaxi wrote: »

I just want to be happy ! I want my hubby to tell me the truth , always and love me and be faithful ,will that happen and can I live with it

Of course you want to be happy, that's normal. Will he tell you the truth? He'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Will he play around with gay men? You may never know.
Can you live the rest of your life in a state of uncertainty? Only you know that.

rosierosierosie

Hi Tracy,

I'm sorry to hear the tough spot that you've found yourself in. No-one can really tell you what to do, but if I were in a similar situation then I would be feeling betrayed.

How long were you together before you got married? I am completely pro-LGBT but it's the hidden behaviour that would hurt me the most, and the feeling that he hasn't explored that side of his life. Again, if he hid this before, could there perhaps be more to it that he hasn't confessed to?

If your marriage hasn't been consummated, then I would say that there is something wrong that needs to be addressed. This sounds like a deep-seated issue that your husband needs to handle.

I completely understand that you love him and wouldn't want to abandon him, but you really need to think of yourself right now and what you want and deserve.

I really hope you and your husband make the decision that's right for you soon.

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, my feeling is that he's attempted to secure his future by very conveniently marrying his carer under false pretenses. Everything he's said and done since is an attempt at keeping the OP precisely where he's got her while disclosing just enough to keep her in thrall.

RAS

tracytaxi wrote: »

fixed term end November and don't really want to move but explaining to landlord would be interesting

There is absolutely NO need to explain anything to the LL.

As long as you move out by midnight on the last day of the tenancy you do not even need to give the LL any notice in England and Wales. It is nice to let them know but not legally required.

However if you do decide to move:

1. You need to allow yourself enough time to sort out alternative accomodation and telling the LL you are oving for ersonal reasons is fine if you want a good reference.

2. If you want to end the marriage I would strongly advise that you ask OH to move out a week or two earlier at least so that you are sure that you can return the property to the LL with vacant possession.

barbiedoll

Completely agree with Fluff and with FatVonD, he's gay.
All the therapy in the world won't change that, any more than "chatting" to so-called bisexual (i.e. gay and too scared to come out) married men will.

I had a friend who was married for 14 years and had two children with a gay man. She had no idea, until she found gay !!!!!! mags at home. They had a talk and he admitted that he had always found men attractive. She agreed to let him "explore" his sexuality, as long as he remained faithful to her. He came screaming out of the closet and began bringing young men home for her to meet. Eventually she had to admit defeat and told him that they would both be happier apart. He was, and remains, a fantastic dad and is still great friends with his ex-wife, who he credits with giving him the courage to come out. She admitted to me, years later, that they only had successful sex twice, both times resulting in her pregnancies. She was not very worldly-wise and said that she thought that all couples stopped having sex after children!

OP, this is a battle that you cannot win. If he is gay (and it does sound as though he is), then no matter how much he loves you, he will always be gay. You should really think about what you want from this marriage, sooner or later, he will want to act on his urges, he is basically living a lie and has been for the past 24 years, let alone the last 3 months. I would listen to RAS and think about sorting out the tenancy and securing the future for you and your children. There's no reason why you and your husband can't remain friends if that's what you both want, but ultimately, that's all you'll ever be.

bagpussbear

tracytaxi wrote: »

I just want to be happy ! I want my hubby to tell me the truth , always and love me and be faithful ,will that happen and can I live with it

I just feel so sad for you OP.

Sometimes I don't think love is enough, to be honest. Although you love each other, it doesn't appear he can be the husband that you want him to be.

No-one can ever really know if their partner will be unfaithful or not of course, but your hubby has already been deceitful at the outset so it doesn't bode well. And he is/wants to use chat rooms - like I said in my earlier post, there will be some times when someone suggests a meet up with him, what's the odds you think he would do it?

If you want each other in your lives, it may well be you are better as very good friends and companions, rather than a husband and wife relationship. That way you can look for a husband that you want and need for yourself.

Would echo others suggestions at doing some counselling though to help you get through this awful period. Good luck.

tracytaxi

Hi thank you all ,I can't afford to leave this house I wouldn't get a private rented house easily again as I have done a debt relief order ,my children 13,16,19 but still my children .Husband has said this afternoon he wouldn't meet anyone unless I was OK with it ,if I wasn't OK he wouldn't ,he also said he wouldn't chat to other men without showing ansnsharing the conversation he said he does not think he will ever want to meet someone but I don't think u can predict the future .He said he kept trying to atop the feelings and urges since he was 17 ,thinking he was abnormal .He had hoped never to give in to the urge to look at gay !!!!!! again and had locked it away in his head ,he seems suprised to recognise his true feelings ,but he says I am the love of his life .personally I am scared of what may be around the corner wish I had a chrystal ball .

Pechow

barbiedoll wrote: »

Completely agree with Fluff and with FatVonD, he's gay.
All the therapy in the world won't change that, any more than "chatting" to so-called bisexual (i.e. gay and too scared to come out) married men will.

Which way do you mean this/how should your words be read, that bisexual people are actually gay, or that married bisexuals are secretly gay, or...?