Sorting food budget- seperate for you/OH? how?

FBaby

Gosh people are judgmental of different ways of life in this forum! OP, my fiance and I also shop for food separately. We do so because it WORKS for US! We are very happy doing it like that.

The reason is because our lifestyle is such that we don't usually eat together. I life to eat early, he likes to eat late and we don't like the same foods. He also often eat out with work. I shop for me and the kids and he shops for himself, have done so for 2 years and we are happy. I know most people think it weird because it is not conventional, but I don't care. We are a very happy and stable couple, so frankly, that's all that matters to us. I'm glad we don't feel under pressure to do things just because that's what suits other couples.

In terms of budgeting, we've worked out both our in and outgoings to decide what was left over and then adjusted what we both paid towards the bills so that in the end, our diposable income is grossly the same. What we do with that amount is for our own doings. That doesn't mean that we don't care about each other finances. If one were to lose their job, or suddenly had higher costs etc... we would reassess this arrangement immediately. I would always support my husband to be and vice-versa. We always want it to be equitable.

We've made it a joke around us. Sometimes we even go shopping together, both with our own trolley and pretend we've just met there! Friends and family see how happy we are together, and so clearly we are doing something right for us.

mummyroysof3

Everything goes into one account in our house and everything we spend comes out of it. The only exception is hubby has a small amount in his account for meals and drinks at work so I don't have small amounts on the online banking to confuse me when I check it lol

Georgiegirl256

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I find it all reallky weird as well.

We don't have "my" money and "his" money.

We don't actually have a joint bank account - we're both self-employed, and it's easier to have our own accounts, to manage things such as Chambers rent, VAT, work travel, etc

I pay our two most expensive bills - mortgage and child care - from my bank account, and also pay for all the car costs, service, insurance, MOT, etc. Council tax, water, electricity and gas come out of OH's account. As soon as I get any money in, I separate off my VAT and work expenses, and put those in a separate account, and we also have a savings account for income tax.

Because I spend much more money on our stuff, and we both get paid irregularly, if I'm short, I ask OH and he transfers some to me. If I have a big payment, I transfer some to him, but it's usually the other way around as I have £3,500 coming out of my account each month for the mortgage and child care.

We both do food shopping, or shopping for our son, as things work out.

If we want to buy personal stuff - make-up, clothes, go out with friends - then we just do. We trust each other to be sensible and careful with our money, and it works well.

If I want to buy something bigger, or OH does, we talk about it first.

This sounds very much like our set up. We don't have joint bank accounts either. All the big payments, mortgage, bills etc come out of my husbands account, and up until I was made redundant, I used to transfer my share across to his account.

Ever since I've been made redundant, it's now a case of 'what's his is mine' :rotfl: I have 2 regular direct debits set up in my account (car insurance and phone contract), so he transfers money in each month to cover them and a little bit extra for spends, and 9/10 I have his cards anyhow. If the roles were reversed, I'd do the same for him. Any money that comes in from ebay, carboots or from wherever, is put in the pot for either of us to take as and when we need it, its not mine/his money, it's 'our' money, we're a team, and I love that

Tiddlywinks

paulineb wrote: »

If you had a meat eater and a vegan or vegetarian living together which can happen, people would probably be buying their own meals. Or at least the bulk of their own meals.

I dont think its any different to one person earning more than another in a couple which might be the case for the OP and her partner anyway.

I'm a strict veggie and my OH is 'normal'. Over the years our salaries have fluctuated and we have each had turns at being the higher earner.

So what? We signed up to be a partnership so we share resources in whatever circumstances life throws at us.... otherwise, you might as well stay as two 'singles'?

Shared life = shared future, fun, good and bad times... and budget.

cod3

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I'm a strict veggie and my OH is 'normal'. Over the years our salaries have fluctuated and we have each had turns at being the higher earner.

So what? We signed up to be a partnership so we share resources in whatever circumstances life throws at us.... otherwise, you might as well stay as two 'singles'?

Shared life = shared future, fun, good and bad times... and budget.

'normal' :rotfl:

Same as Tiddlywinks here When I was married to a non-vegetarian, all our money was just in a big, virtual pot. My money + his money = the family money

Our meals were not that different anyway. His was a veggie meal with a bit of meat plonked on at the end.

Lieja

I can see how this would work if both were happy with it - my OH and I don't have a joint account (as he has a terrible credit score and I don't want my finances linked to his!) but our money has always been considered 'ours'. He paid for me while I was at uni and only working part time, and now I work full time and hope to be earning more soon, and he has lost work, I'm happy for my wages to 'pay for him'.

This does cause problems though, as he has quite a few debts and it does needle me sometimes that I end up paying for these when most of them only exist through his laziness at dealing with them. We have talked about splitting our finances, as usually all the bills including rent come out of my account as I'm paid monthly, and his wages pay for food and petrol (we use a LOT of petrol) as he's paid weekly. This sometimes issues when I ask for money for bills, as he seems to think I should then pay him back this 'loan', even though combined bills total a huge amount more than food and fuel!

Anyway, I doubt separating finances to such a degree would help us as we usually do get along really well about money, and we'd only end up giving each other money for stuff anyway!

And before anyone mentions it - I did eventually tot up out monthly bills for him and he relented on the 'loan' issue. He really is useless when it comes to money!

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

This thread reminds me of a couple we used to know. When they went out for drinks, they would buy their own drinks independent of each other and made sure they got their change off their partner if they went to the bar for them! I guess everyone has their own way of budgeting etc.

I know a couple - who aren't together any more - who had very rigid "his" and "her" money. He had been a SAHD for their children so his earnings were lower than hers but she expected him to pay half of everything. They usually compromised on holidays but, the last year they were together, she wanted an expensive trip but he couldn't afford it so she went on her own.

BugglyB

Lagoon wrote: »

A few people have said something similar to this, so I just wanted to clarify.

Having our own money doesn't mean that we don't want to look after each other. Neither of us would turn to the other, if they were in financial difficulty, and cackle manically, saying 'You can't afford to eat? Well, what a shame! I can!'

Having separarate finances does not mean that:

A) One of you is being selfish (I saw a few comments in this thread that seemed to say that this was a one-sided decision, poor OH)

You're both selfish, and would never help the other person.

It's a way of budgeting, not an expression of how much we love each other. If your being in a relationship hinges solely on the fact that you share your money with the other person, I'd be concerned.

No, I'm afraid you're wrong there, you see on this forum anything other than completely and totally sharing all your money in a joint account with no exceptions means that

- your relationship is a farce
- secretly you hate each other
- your marriage/partnership is doomed to fail

Even if you think you are living happily another way and your lives are great and you love and trust each other, and its worked for years and continues to work, you are wrong.

:rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

I know a couple - who aren't together any more - who had very rigid "his" and "her" money. He had been a SAHD for their children so his earnings were lower than hers but she expected him to pay half of everything. They usually compromised on holidays but, the last year they were together, she wanted an expensive trip but he couldn't afford it so she went on her own.

I'm not surprised they're not together anymore. How was the guy meant to contribute the same when he wasn't earning? Wasn't looking after their children so she could go out and work enough? She sounds so selfish, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the reason why they split up?

Spendless

I would find separate shopping and splitting very complex I think. My husband is away with work mid-week and eats there. I have an ad-hoc job, my youngest is in an ASC when we are both at work and gets a tea-time snack. I am diabetic, he enjoys spicier food than I eat, I eat more salad and so on. We put everything even if it's only eaten by one family member into the same shopping trolley and pay for it out of the household budget. Never occurred to me to do it any other way.