Real-life MMD: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

Former_MSE_Debs

Money Moral Dilemma: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

We've told my wife's parents they can stay in our spare room for our son's christening next month, but my mum's now said she can't afford a hotel (not true) and to tell my in-laws to get one instead. As she's being difficult, when I suggested to my wife we pay for her hotel, she refused, saying my mum can like it or lump it. What should I do?

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Twiggy_34

This sounds like the kind of thing someone I know would do because they felt their nose had been put out of joint by the in-laws, so I can't help but assume that this is a similar scenario. I certainly hope that this would be the only reason why your wife would say she 'can like it or lump it', otherwise it's not a very charitable relationship with your mum, and is most certainly somewhat biased in favour of her own parents!

However, irrespective of my assumptions, my 1st question is, how can you be sure that your mum can afford a hotel next month, is it not possible that things are perhaps a bit tighter than usual on that month? Maybe all the bills come at once in July/August making it a bit of a squeeze?

Regardless of whether you know the answer to the previous question, my 2nd question is, can your wife's parents easily afford a hotel? I appreciate that it can be tricky retracting an offer of a room, but if they can and you can talk your wife around, is it worth posing the question to them, explaining that your mum says she can't afford a hotel and has also asked to stay at yours.

Last but not least, can you not find room to put them all up? Perhaps you have a dining room that could house a 'put me up' bed, or even a corner of the living room? It might not be your mum's ideal solution, but it could be a quick way to establish whether she genuinely can't afford that hotel or not! If she accepts the living room floor, and the in-laws don't get on that well with each other, you might find the problem resolves itself as soon as your wife's parents hear the news and check themselves into the nearest hotel!

duchy

Book her a travelodge

mummybearx

As Twiggy_34 has suggested, I would offer the sofa or other room in your home for her. If she really can't/won't pay for a hotel, she will be grateful of your offer!

elsien

Bang all their heads together?
Your wife is favouring her own parents over your mum. And your mum is throwing her toys out of the pram as a result. She probably needs reassurance that she's not always going to play second fiddle to your in-laws in the future. And possibly a valid (to her) explanation as to why they were invited when she wasn't.
Have them both to stay. Or tell them both to make their own arrangements. Unless there are other factors at play in the family dynamics that you need to think about when the issue next crops up - Christmas, other christenings, whatever.

jfdi

Let her have your room & you (& OH, kids) all go & stay somewhere else for the night? That'd teach 'em!

Smurfette80

I Love the idea of you going and staying in a lovely hotel as a family and starting a day of celebration in luxury and let both sets of parents stay in your house otherwise do you have a friend who could perhaps give your mother a bed for the night? Perhaps a godparent?

benedictadams

ask your wife how she would feel if you said like it or lump it concerning her parents.

You could do it a slightly different way to what has been suggested so far

I'm sure both your mum and your wife's parents will want to be there on baby's first birthday (or another occassion)

If your wife's parents get the spare room this time your mum gets the spare room next time.

and to your wife say as we will pay the hotel for your parents for occassion x its only fair we pay for my mums hotel.

if your wife don't agree then neither her parents or your mum can stay in the spare room

gloriouslyhappy

As it's your son's christening, he's just starting out on a long, and hopefully very happy, relationship with his grandparents. In the interest of keeping things amiable, is it possible for you to give up your room to your wife's parents, put your mum in the spare room, and you and your wife bunk in with your son, or if his nursery's not big enough, in the sitting room? Or give your mum his nursery, and he bunks in with you?
That way, if it's a bit cramped and crowded, you can open the conversation about how to handle such events in future, and let the grandparents work it out? I'm not sure about you paying for a hotel room either for yourselves or for your mum as you might not be in a position to do so in future and it wouldn't be a smart idea to set a precedent.
Best wishes it all works out OK for an enjoyable christening party for your son, and all those future milestone events too.

ripongrammargirl

I am not sure why anyone needs to stay with you in your house? Are you all living so far apart that it's not possible to drive over for the Christening and then go home again afterwards as anyone I know would do?!! It really can't be that much of a dilemma. You either have to stick with the arrangements already made , make room for both sets of parents or none at all! Life is harsh-deal with it. Parents who are throwing tantrums over something so trivial is not a good example to be setting your son. If all else fails, I agree with the person who said offer both sets of parents your house whilst you go and have some pampering in a hotel as a family. This should be a joyful event and shame on grown up people who are bickering over something so trivial as a bed for the night.

scotsbob

This does not bode well for the future. If your missus and her parents are being awkward now, think what it is going to be like in the years ahead.

Your mum is being told to "like it or lump it." Personally I think you should tell you missus and her family to lump it, find another girl and move on in your life.