Real-life MMD: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

Levelheaded

As the parents of a son, one day your wife maybe that mother in law
Feeling as if she is second best, because the girls parents were put first !
This situation could cause a lot of unpleasantness that could fester on,
nobody wants to feel second best, it could damage the relationship with your mother.
The remedy would be to offer to give up your bedroom, tell your mother and your inlaws you will all squeeze in together so no one feels left out, keep your fingers crossed that someone will decide
The arrangement would be to uncomfortable and books themselves into a hotel !
If not grin and bear it, you know it's going to be a squeeze, but it will keep everyone happy, and next time a special occasion arises you can say to everyone concerned, last time it was to much !
Ps enjoy your sons special day !:A:A

meher

Very funny family; ideally your in laws are an outsider in your own house. I find it strange that she wants to stay in your house and make your own mum stay in a hotel.

ValleysGirl

Very funny family; ideally your in laws are an outsider in your own house. I find it strange that she wants to stay in your house and make your own mum stay in a hotel.

But surely his mum is also an outsider because she's the wife's mother-in-law and he does talk about 'our house', not 'my house'? I would agree with those who suggest offering your mother a put-you-up bed and see what her reaction is. You certainly shouldn't withdraw your offer to your in-laws.

npw32jnw

I don't often feel the need to respond to the MMD but feel compelled to here. No-one on the debate actually has any idea of the family dynamics going on here. For instance me and my wife have a much better relationship with my mother in law than we do with my parents, due to a fuss that my mother kicked up on my wedding day. Quite simply no one here can properly comment without knowing all those dynamics, attitudes and personalities. The only really sound advice I can give is to make sure that you do what is best for you and your other half, and your new family. They are the most important thing.

duchy

I do think this is to do with the OP's mother's feeling that she isn't high enough up in the pecking order. Only the OP knows if she has a drama queen history or if this is unusual and she feels genuinely pushed out.

I agree the in-laws shouldn't be "punished" but I do think husband and wife should both come up with a solution they can both live with. Maybe that means "this time" booking Mum a hotel but having the spare room mysteriously unavailable for any future events that involve both Mothers ? Or maybe just stand up to Mum and say firmly-I'm sorry - I can't go back on the arrangement now and offer to pay half on a hotel -and if she refuses-it's her problem.

Sulevia

If I was that Mum, how would I see it?

Sounds like I am on my own. Would I like to stay in a hotel by myself when the in-laws (plural) are staying in my son's and his wife's home? No, I would not. I'd rather sleep on their sofa. Or next door with the nice neighbours, to whom I would bring a lovely present to thank them for agreeing to put me up.

If I felt that un-welcomed, I'd probably rather not go to the christening than be there and feel awkward and lonely about it.

Just another perspective.

cats2012

Wow.

I literally cannot believe some of these responses!! We recently got married and have an amazing relationship with both sets of in-laws, but yes if that situation had occurred for us and OH's Mum was being weird about it I probably would say something a bit snappy back in the heat of the moment - doesn't mean we're headed for divorce!!!

At the end of the day if you really only have space for one set you should say it's them this time and your Mum next time, and help her get a nearby hotel so she can still spend the day with you. Doesn't mean you have to pay for it though! If she is really struggling, I second the idea of a friend putting her up, or even could she put a tent in your garden?!

froominator

Hard to believe this is even up for discussion. If a grandparent can't find £60ish quid for one night in a hotel for their grandchild's Chrsitening then they need to take a long hard look at their priorities.

bagginslover

People travel 100's of miles to go on day trips without staying in hotels, I don't see why this should be any different. Why can't they just go home afterwards? Why does anyone need putting up?

DECD_2

I am a complete child when it comes to this type of thing. If you are wealthy I would put the wife's parent up in the poshest hotel you can afford if theres a spa all the better and get them a treatment and let your parents have the spare room and make sure you tell them regularly the in-laws are in a posh hotel and as they were so disappointed not to be staying in the house you paid for treatments etc etc lay it on thick. If you are not wealthy put a blow up bed in the living room/kitchen/garage/tent in the garden and let your parents sleep on that. Do not give up your bed for anyone.