Real-life MMD: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

book_queen

Have you considered letting your Mum stay at your house with your in-laws and you, your wife and baby check into a hotel ?

Otherwise, call her bluff, the rest of your married life is not going to be easy if you give in to her, she'll think that she can continue to manipulate you forever more.

moxxy-girl

"A son is a son - till he takes him a wife,
A daughter's a daughter all through her life."
Sorry but there is an element of truth in this and generally it IS the daughter's parents that are favoured a little more, from what I see.
I'm luckyto have a son and DIL that treats both sets of us in laws equally.
I would give up my bed for the one night so that the mom can stay..... Life's too short to do otherwise.

Prothet_of_Doom

I'd tell them you booked them both a surprise hotel, but they should come for tea first, and then get them blind drunk, and tell them it's a joke, and they are all sleeping in the lounge.

My Parents and Adult sister, were bemused to find that they were sharing a room at christmas. Quite funny to watch their faces, and my son (19) offer to camp in the snow, so that sis might have her own room..he was being sarcastic.

chocky

Ive been in a similar situation as the mum when my daughter organised a large festival and wanted me and her in-laws there. The inlaws stayed in the house as they asked first and I booked a B&B. it stretched my budget a bit, but no way would i have made any fuss about it as to do so would have stressed my daughter out and potentially spoiled things for her. Families! they can be nightmares, especially the ones who use emotional blackmail.

bogwart

Follow your wife's suggestion. The mother is blackmailing your family on an emotional level and this should not be tolerated. If, as you say, she can afford to stay in a hotel then let her. You'll never hear the end of it but at least it won't have cost you money, especially in these times. She is putting her personal wants above the needs of your family, at an occasion where your son should be the prime focus.

Mrs_Whimple

I would suggest that you and your wife sit down and discuss what YOU both want to happen. After all it's YOUR occasion and trying to accommodate everyone else's wishes will just overshadow it. (Remember your wedding....oh wait that was mine). The truth is that it's your celebration and the people you invite to share this special moment should be thinking about YOU and accommodating you, your wife, son and any other children you might have.
Have a lovely time in the way you want to do it.

tallgirld

Book a room for your mum out of your OWN money just to keep the peace.

But also tell her off for being awkward and tell your wife off for saying she can like it or lump it.

Ha Ha families............You can't pick em! GOOD LUCK

oliveoil54

spellingI can sympathise, but as previously suggested we don't know what sort of relationship they have with his Mother. The wife will probably naturally gravitate to her own parents. But the OP only refers to his Mum (not Mum & Dad?), whom he also implies can prob afford a hotel room. However, if she is single, divorced or widowed she may be feeling a little vulnerable & left out - hence the 'hissy' fit; also depending on how confident she is going into a hotel on your own can be lonely no matter how short a period.

Looking at it from her point of view - she is on her own (especially if she is widowed - maybe she is wishing her partner was their to see the baby to?), at least wife's parents have each other for company, and why wasn't she given the option of an invite at the same time or at least asked - is she thinking she is probably her son's last minute after thought, will that continue as the baby grows?

I think admitting they were both wrong not to consider her when issuing the invites and explaining firmly that as you have already asked the wife's parents. You will give her the following options :-

Give up your bed for the occasion and you sleep on the floor in the lounge (ok - hopefully it will make her feel guilty for putting you out of your bed - but you are younger & prob more capable of sleeping on the floor than her)
or
Friendly neighbour
or
Good local hotel (which you could offer to help towards the cost).

Let her choose, so then she can't complain. If she chooses your bed like it or lump it, a night on the floor might make you consider choosing the best or similar options for both sets of parents fairly next time!

Assure her that on the next occasion she gets first choice and that you hadn't intended in any way to show favoritism to either set of Grandparents as they are both really important to you both and especially to the baby.

Be advised a good relationship with both sets of Parents can pay off a hundred fold when it comes to helping with the baby in future, both in time, memories, helping with finance etc.

I am an expectant 'Nana' who loves both my children and there partners equally and am lucky enough to have a really good relationship with both sets of Parents; and just can't wait to spoil my 1st Grandchild totally! However, if I was on my own I think I could understand her hurt at coming 2nd in their consideration, but would like to think I was adult enough to hide it and not cause a fuss on the day. But maybe the OP and his wife should give some consideration as to why she may have been so petulant.

Fujiko

I'm still not clear whether we are talking about the night before the Christening or the night after, or both. I would have thought that whichever it is it is important that you have a good night's sleep on such a special day and an overcrowded house is not ideal. What does seem to be clear is that while you obviously like your inlaws , otherwise why agree to them staying, your wife does not have the same feelings about your mother,and I can certainly sympathise with that! But more to the point, I guess this has more to do with the inlaws not liking each other and there being some rivalry between them.

As to your mother not being able to afford a hotel when you are sure that she can, surely there must be a reasonable one, eg a Travel Lodge or even a good guesthouse nearby or are they all five-star? Perhaps if offered a put-u-up in the dining room a hotel would suddenly seem an attractive alternative but whatever happens the outlook is not good, not least the prospect of an overcrowded house with two sets of inlaws feuding and you and your wife caught in the middle on what should be happy and peaceful occasion.

janiebquick

Why not buy one of those fold-up put-you-up beds and let your mum sleep in the living room?

Then you will always have a spare bed as well.