Real-life MMD: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

pennypinchUK

Hmmm, nice mother.

Simply, tell her the truth. You've already promised the room to your in-laws, so she'll have to stay in a hotel. You think she's not going to come to your son's christening on a point of principle?

BTW, sounds like you have a problem with your wife if she's even going to discuss a legitimate issue you have.

Good luck with the future. Sounds like you need to start making plans for your divorce.

Talent

Families, hey?? You can't please all of them all of the time, that's for sure. I think the best suggestion has been for you to take your wife and kids to the nearest hotel for the night.
We have a situation where our daughters ma-in-law keeps insisting that our daughters family spend Christmas with her "As it may be her last"! This has been for 8 years and now there are grandchildren.

LOUY_2

No one stays over and no one gets hotel.

If they want to come to their grandchilds christening, then they will find a way. If they dont want to come, they will find an excuse.

catkins

pennypinchUK wrote: »

Hmmm, nice mother.

You think she's not going to come to your son's christening on a point of principle?.

She could well boycott the christening if that is the sort of person she is.

We don't know how well the OP's wife gets on with her MIL do we?

When me and my OH decided to get married we wanted to do so on my birthday which happened to be a weekday. OH's mum, who worked as a dinner lady, refused to take a day off work and said if we went ahead she would not be coming.

Like idiots we changed it to the nearest Saturday. If I could go back in time I would tell her that was the day I was getting married and of work was more important than her only son's wedding then she could stay away.

Yes after over 30 years of marriage I am still annoyed by it. Nasty domineering woman that neither of us now has anything to do with

seven-day-weekend

From many years experience - don't set a precedent otherwise your mother will expect it every time.

Keep the arrangements as they are, but agree with your wife that on the next family do, your mum stays over and her parents get a hotel. Tell your mum this.

If she boycotts the christening, that is up to her and it is she who will miss out.

florere

I don't think you can take back the invitation to her parents, you say your mum can afford a hotel, so offer her a 'put you up' in a reception room. Tell your wife and in-laws that at the next family occasion it will be your mother that stays in your house. If your wife has only just had your baby I am not surprised she wants her mum close.

mr-mixalot

Tell them both to stay in a Travelodge and say the spare room is no longer available, (make up some excuse)

That way no one gets favouritism

Thegirl

Why don't you sleep in the lounge and give your parents your bed? Then everyone has somewhere to sleep in your house and you have two sets of Grandparents to babysit whilst you and the misses get ready.

Personally, I never got on with my mother in law. I would not have wanted her there in the morning as I was preparing for a big day, possibly doing food as I would not have been able to be a proper host and she was the type who would expect a full cooked breakfast and entertaining despite knowing you've got other stuff to do. Whereas, my Mum and Dad, I can happily sit them in a corner with a remote control and tell them to entertain themselves or tell them to do the washing up without either of them taking offence. That might be the reason your wife is being less than flexible about it.

Family events eh, always a way to bring out the 'but what about me' in everyone.

robynprincess

Ok, just so I understand this. You have *already* told your wife's parents that they can stay and yet your mum wants you to potentially cause friction in your relationship but taking the offer back and giving it to her? Sounds like a power trip if you ask me and completely unreasonable. I wouldn't pay for her hotel on principle if I was put in that position.

I can't quite understand the replies saying you should say no one could stay etc, what have the wife's parents done wrong to be punished? i get on fabulously with my parents and in laws, in fact we holiday all together sometimes! That being said, if I offered one something first, there would be no question that I would not go back on it. If I offered the room to my mum first and then my in laws wanted to stay I would have to say, I'm so sorry but I've already offered it to my mum, and vice versa.

I think it's fair to say to your mum that you have already offered it to them and that it will put you in an uncomfortable position to tell them that they can no longer stay but she can, but that she is first in line next time. Maybe you could borrow a blow up bed from someone and she can stay in the living room on that? She might suddenly have the money for a hotel then

poet123

I think there is probably an element of jealousy here and her wanting to let you know now that she sees the other side are being given more favourable access to the new baby than she, as your mother is.

You do need to address this now, and if your wife is simply going to shrug and say tough (without good reason, and if you are close to your mother) you are in for some upset along the road of family life.

I wouldn't have had any of them to stay tbh, and I certainly wouldn't be repeating the exercise. That said, I don't think you can retract the invite now without causing offence to the other side!! So, I would find a way to let your mother stay too, may not be ideal but is the best solution.