Real-life MMD: Pay for mum's hotel room or risk her absence at christening?

Saturnalia

If she genuinely wants to come to the Christening, she'd be happy with the sofa or an airbed in the living room.

I don't think we know enough to answer - is Mum strapped for cash and really can't afford a room, or does she have previous of making threats when she doesn't get her own way?

VT82

Funny how lots of people assume the bed is needed for the night before, and question why the parents can't do it as a day trip in the car.

Based on the common-ness of both the wife's response, and the mother's response, it sounds to me more like the bed is needed for the night after, as everyone intends to get wasted. Cheers :beer:

Desperado99

The 'rational' thing to do would be to offer her the sofa, or an airbed in the kiddies room and he bunks with you.

I certainly wouldn't go down the route of paying for people's hotel rooms............... However, that said would the OP really want both sets of in-laws staying overnight? I know I wouldn't.

Alternatively, if they know anyone with a campervan or caravan they could borrow it for the weekend and park it on the drive

P.A.T.

It doesn't sound like a good Christian attitude is being applied, maybe the family should not be considering a Christening at all.

dawyldthing

let her sleep on your sofa or let her have your bed and you sleep on the sofa/chair. Its one night, there your relatives and have done all sorts for you over the years I imagine so it would be nice to put yourself out for one night for something so special

cherin123

as the mother of two sons I find that I get passed off in favour of the girls parents so if I think they are being unfair to me I tell them . In your case I would expect you to pay some thing towards my hotel or at least offer . why does your partner think it fairer to let her parent stay with you than let yours?:D

Maat

As NPW said above, we none of us know the family dynamics here. There may be an element of jealousy as the wife's family is usually closer when there's a new baby since they're the ones the wife will want near her. So that may be going on and maybe, as some have said, it is a tough time for your mother financially as well as perhaps feeling her nose has been put out of joint. Certainly if the other parents were invited to stay first that might have upset her.

Surely reconciliation is the thing. I realise with a new baby this may not be possible, but my suggestion would be to meet your mother half way by offering to pay for half the hotel bill.

Also do let her know that you and your wife love her and really want her to be involved with your son's upbringing. Let her know she's important to you and if there's a reason why your wife's parents are staying with you while she's not explain that as compassionately as you can.

Good luck, I hope the christening goes ok and that everyone feels valued there.

Shoey1610

Oh, the drama queen routine, I've seen that one before. Set your boundaries now or she'll throw a wobbly every time something isn't to her liking. Don't give up your bed or you will be setting yourself up for that every time. Ditto paying for the hotel.

It always seems to be about pleasing the parents/in-laws, who, incidentally are adults. You just had a baby, you are having a christening to celebrate your child, maybe its about you and not about them? Sure, encourage a good relationship with your respective parents and between your son and his grandparents, but don't sacrifice yourselves for it.

I'm in the 'like it or lump it' camp.

iclayt

Ultimatly, which does she want more, to be at the Christening or to get the spare bed? Is it the principle for her, more than anything? I'd be making it clear that offer to stay made to the other set of grandparents won't be rescinded any more than it would be if she had been offered the room and they now wanted it.

Could you offer to pay for a hotel upfront on the understanding she pays you back?

I would be making up the sofa for her, or offering her my own bed if my partner and I could realistically both bed down elsewhere in the house.

priestone

Assuming that the offer to your in-laws was a genuine one and that at the time there was no question of your mother not being able to come for the lack of a place to stay, I can kind of see where your wife is coming from. She shouldn't feel obliged to change plans once they have been agreed.

However, this is your child's day and sometimes it's worth taking the high road. You don't really want any unpleasantness to mar the atmosphere on the day, so for the sake of your son it may be best to try and sort something out. Over the years you may come to rely on both sets of grandparents for help and it's good to start off on the right footing.

Is it worth having a discussion with both sets of parents to explain the situation and see if either of them can come up with anything? Explain that you's like them all there for the sake of your son?

Is there any way you can all squeeze into your house for one night? Or at last resort, book a cheap travel lodge for you Mum. Principles are all very well, but at the end of the day you want the day to run smoothly for your child's sake and it's a small price to pay to keep the peace.