Anyone's hubby not like presents?

moneysavingmumofone

My OH loves presents lol but his Dad doesnt! He'd rather we didnt buy him anything at all and last Christmas refused to even open the ones from MIL because he hadnt got her anything yet! They stayed under the tree until they took it down I think.

BugglyB

Netwizard wrote: »

Marisco has a point though. We are now in July. The christmas adverts will soon be starting. By the time christmas actually gets here, everyone I know is bloody fed up of hearing about it and is glad its all.

The only reason I like christmas / boxing day is that I get double time and a few days off in leu and working nights mean I can sleep the days away without anyone hassling me :T

I do agree about Christmas, but I think birthdays are a little different, they are individual and demonstrate love for a particular person.

For me I think people who say 'don't get me anything' or 'I dont want anything' or 'I can't think of anything' are denying their partner the pleasure of giving/doing something for them.

Surely its not that hard to think of something you would like, even if its just 'what would give me pleasure is if you made no fuss, sent me no card, bought me no presents, but made my favourite lasagne that I love that you make and bought me a bottle of that nice lager that I like, and we sit together and talk for a few hours' - is it that hard to articulate something like that, and then express that you have enjoyed it even if you do it for your partners sake and not your own?

I think Ajax's frustration is justified, personally.

BugglyB

marisco wrote: »

My dad is like this. He hates all the false commercialism that goes on. The way he views it is that it lacks sincerity and any meaningful sentiment to make a fuss of someone on an allocated day. I have a great relationship with him and he knows that I love him dearly but I haven't sent him a Fathers Day card or gift in years. No need to as he would hate it. Like me he appreciates that the best things in life aren't things but people who make you feel loved and cared for all year round.:)

Alternately I send my dad a fathers day card every year with a funny little poem in it that I have written myself about all the things we have done that year and how much I love him and how great a dad he is.

I agree with *max* that the two things aren't mutually exclusive - its not always whether you do cards and gifts that says how much you love someone, its how you do them.

I'd rather have no gift at all than petrol station flowers and a cheap card, but handmade cards and heartfelt gifts mean the world to me.

marisco_2

BugglyB wrote: »

Surely its not that hard to think of something you would like, even if its just 'what would give me pleasure is if you made no fuss, sent me no card, bought me no presents, but made my favourite lasagne that I love that you make and bought me a bottle of that nice lager that I like, and we sit together and talk for a few hours' - is it that hard to articulate something like that, and then express that you have enjoyed it

Netwizard advised that he suggests similar to that sort of thing with his friends back in post 50.

barbiedoll

I absolutely hate buying presents for my husband, so much so that I refuse to do so any longer. I will give him money or I will take him out to buy something but I have told him that I will never buy him another gift again.

Don't get me wrong, my DH is generous to the last, I only have to mention that I like something and he will do his very best to get it for me. He will spend his last penny on me and our son but he simply cannot receive a gift without making a comment about how it was not EXACTLY what he wanted. :mad:

I have gradually (over 18 years!) learned how to buy him things, the presents that have hit the mark are....

A cowboy hat (bought for a joke, he liked it but did remark that it was made in Spain so was obviously not a "proper" cowboy hat :mad:)

A day out at Brands Hatch, racing fast cars. He did love this although he moaned that the cars weren't "what he was expecting" and he also whinged when he saw my video of his driving, saying that there was more footage of the car in front than of his :mad::mad:

A superhero t-shirt that he had wanted for ages. I finally managed to get one, sent at vast expense from America. He was very pleased with this on Christmas Day although he still managed to have a little moan about the "baggy neck"...to which I replied that it wasn't baggy until he had squeezed his fat head through it. My mum laughed so hard, she spat her Christmas snowball drink all over her dinner!

On his birthday this year, I gave him the money to get a remote-controlled helicopter, his latest fad. I thought that as he chose it himself, ordered the colour he wanted and got the delivery for his birthday morning, nothing could possibly go wrong. When it arrived and he opened it, he said that it was "smaller than it looked in the picture"........Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!

The only present that I can remember him not ever moaning about was a £4 Primark t-shirt that our son chose for him for Father's day a few years ago. I thought it was cheap and nasty and I was certain that it would end up in the bin by the end of the day but he loved it. He still wears it now (to be fair, it has washed and worn very well) and it was lovely to see him open a present and actually look pleased with it. He's not very good at making a "grateful" face so when he does like a present, we all know about it!

BugglyB

marisco wrote: »

Netwizard advised that he suggests similar to that sort of thing with his friends back in post 50.

That's good, I have at least two people in my own life who I wish would do the same! Even just a 'oh take me out for a pint that would be nice' would be appreciated, instead I get 'oh yeah just don't do anything'.

Theres really a lot to be said for allowing people to do something small but nice for you, and then being appreciative

marisco_2

BugglyB wrote: »

Theres really a lot to be said for allowing people to do something small but nice for you, and then being appreciative

I completely agree with you. I think it helps if you take the time to really get to know someone and understand what they most appreciate and then celebrate with them accordingly. Having that kind of connection with someone adds a special dimension to friendships / relationships.

74jax

BugglyB wrote: »

Surely its not that hard to think of something you would like, even if its just 'what would give me pleasure is if you made no fuss, sent me no card, bought me no presents, but made my favourite lasagne that I love that you make and bought me a bottle of that nice lager that I like, and we sit together and talk for a few hours' - is it that hard to articulate something like that, and then express that you have enjoyed it even if you do it for your partners sake and not your own?

I think Ajax's frustration is justified, personally.

We had a talk tonight and he came up a bottle of wine (which he wud normally have anyway - plus I'd buy a dear one and he likes the cheapy one) or some jeans he mentioned but didn't want to go shopping for - just order off internet......

After 4 weeks marriage its not how I planned it all. I just feel sad I can't spoil him, or make a fuss. But its his 9th birthday we've been together so I think I should give in.

Ooooo its your new hubby's birthday, what did you do?? Got him a £3 bottle of plonk and jeans are in transit........

(I must remember its his day NOTt mine........) :rotfl:

Netwizard

74jax wrote: »

some jeans he mentioned but didn't want to go shopping for - just order off internet......

Most men (and some women i know!) hate shopping. I do ALL my shopping online.

usually its cheaper online, can use quidco / TCB / HotUKDeals to make it cheaper, and its much less hassle than going to the shops!

dandelionclock30

Just give him some money, or buy him some nice beers or a bottle of Jack Daniels or other spirit that he likes.
No point getting worried or upset about this, ask him what he wants and if he says nothing or dont bother then most men would be happy with the above.