Boyfriend dumped me after buying house

Alpha58

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TPDE wrote: »

My heart feels like it is literally breaking.

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I bet you do feel awful but read back through your post

TPDE wrote: »

[FONT=&quot] he wanted to spend time in his flat that he pays for, where he has his own TV and Xbox[/FONT]

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If he is more worried about playing with little boys' toys and watching telly - you were on a hiding to nothing - better off out! A good chance to enjoy your new home and start living for yourself!
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CH27

Treevo wrote: »

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?

Sadly I think they would have been very different

krlyr

Treevo wrote: »

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?

The situation isn't quite like that though. Regardless of gender, OP had to pay rent on her own place - did her OH consider that his flat was too small for her to move in properly and supply the option of them both renting a slightly bigger flat to pay halfway on?

But to answer your hypothetical situation..my OH was practically living at mine before he officially moved in, and I didn't expect any rent contribution from him as he was still paying rent on his house. If I'd felt it unfair, I would have said - it was ultimately my say on how often he came around, afterall.

We eventually reached a point where we decided to officially live together, looked at renting a place elsewhere together but then decided he would move in with me, since there was plenty of room and it suited us both.

Person_one

Treevo wrote: »

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?

Bingo! :cool:

Treevo

krlyr wrote: »

The situation isn't quite like that though. Regardless of gender, OP had to pay rent on her own place - did her OH consider that his flat was too small for her to move in properly and supply the option of them both renting a slightly bigger flat to pay halfway on?

But to answer your hypothetical situation..my OH was practically living at mine before he officially moved in, and I didn't expect any rent contribution from him as he was still paying rent on his house. If I'd felt it unfair, I would have said - it was ultimately my say on how often he came around, afterall.

We eventually reached a point where we decided to officially live together, looked at renting a place elsewhere together but then decided he would move in with me, since there was plenty of room and it suited us both.

The OP paid a tiny rent compared to him but then earned much more than him. She spent all her time in his flat (using her smaller flat as 'storage') so it obviously wasn't too small - she just considered it too small because she wants to pretend to the world that she's a good girl who didn't live in sin.

Instead of being mature she then dragged him around houses for her to buy (with the money she'd saved on bills by living off of him!) asking him if he could see himself living there etc. Then for her to put an offer in and tell him that he wasn't moving in!

If a man had done this he'd be described as an emotional abuser but because the OP is a women, she's the innocent and he's the devil incarnate!

Lilly11a

if the house is perfect for the both of you to grow old in, then why haven't you asked him to give up his flat and move in?

I think you are kidding yourself in that you have only bought the house for yourself .

your relationship with your bf has been coasting along as whereas he appeared happy with this your were not.

I think that subconsciencely you have seen this new house as a break away from your partner but you have not been able to admit this to yourself

shop-to-drop

He is in his thirties. They have been together for years. If he wanted to get married and have babies at all he would know by now. You have wasted time with him now move on. If he was in his twenties that would be different. Stick to you principals about marriage. If you got a place together now i doubt marriage would follow.

Georgiegirl256

Treevo wrote: »

The OP paid a tiny rent compared to him but then earned much more than him. She spent all her time in his flat (using her smaller flat as 'storage') so it obviously wasn't too small - she just considered it too small because she wants to pretend to the world that she's a good girl who didn't live in sin.

Instead of being mature she then dragged him around houses for her to buy (with the money she'd saved on bills by living off of him!) asking him if he could see himself living there etc. Then for her to put an offer in and tell him that he wasn't moving in!

If a man had done this he'd be described as an emotional abuser but because the OP is a women, she's the innocent and he's the devil incarnate!

Totally agree.

I don't get this whole 'I don't want to live together before getting married' reasoning....you already have been OP. if you were serious about your future together, you'd have sat down and discussed it, and if you really did want to be together, then you would make it work.

If its not due to religious reasons (and it can't be why it would be as you've already been living together), then I can't see why your boyfriend couldn't have moved in with you....along with his Xbox! Or you could have give it a trial run in his flat of living together properly....which usually means (unless one partner is earning significantly less tan the other), splitting things 50/50.

FBaby

Treevo wrote: »

The OP paid a tiny rent compared to him but then earned much more than him. She spent all her time in his flat (using her smaller flat as 'storage') so it obviously wasn't too small - she just considered it too small because she wants to pretend to the world that she's a good girl who didn't live in sin.

Instead of being mature she then dragged him around houses for her to buy (with the money she'd saved on bills by living off of him!) asking him if he could see himself living there etc. Then for her to put an offer in and tell him that he wasn't moving in!

If a man had done this he'd be described as an emotional abuser but because the OP is a women, she's the innocent and he's the devil incarnate!

I totally agree with this point of view. Surely if you are committed enough to be with someone for 4 years and to consider marrying the man and having his baby, it's not a bit of supposed storage issue that would stop you moving officially to your man's place.

I think OP always intended on saving the money for the house and the situation suited her well. Unfortunately, it finally came to light to the guy that he was being used so he issued an ultimatum, move with me officially and pay your due or get lost. She picked the house, and she is now surprised that she is being dumped....

sulkisu

Treevo wrote: »

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?

I was waiting for someone to say this. But, to be fair, if you count the posts for and against it's pretty much an even split - not the one side flaming that your post suggests.
As others have said, I think it sounds like there were issues on both sides and reading OPs posts, I have absolutely no idea what she really wanted and it's possible that her boyfriend felt the same.