Boyfriend dumped me after buying house

DUTR

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

It was pretty nice of her to keep going over to his place to try and maintain some semblance of a relationship when he would 'barely' visit her place because he 'hated it' and then, after the discussion about rent, he 'refused' to visit her there at all.

Perhaps she should have said goodbye to him at that point.

It's quite amusing about what she should he should have done, fact of the matter is , it is now all over, big deal some think the guy is a good for nothing so n so? , but I'm sure he will get a new GF soon, just like the OP is nice so guys should be falling over themselves, especially being in her prime mid 20s.

Or is it the case like babies with toys, they have to have that particular one and nobody else is to use that toy?

Soubrette

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

It was pretty nice of her to keep going over to his place to try and maintain some semblance of a relationship when he would 'barely' visit her place because he 'hated it' and then, after the discussion about rent, he 'refused' to visit her there at all.

Perhaps she should have said goodbye to him at that point.

I agree it was pretty nice of her, but on the assumption that along with no rent, she paid no share in the utility bills then I think he was pretty nice not to charge her anything as she would have saved something by mostly living with him*

Of course if she paid half of each bill and all of her own bills then this puts a different complexion on it.

*edited to add, don't forget she earns more than him and although some bills may have been the same whether on his own or with someone else, some would have been higher.

Soubrette

shop-to-drop wrote: »

They are no longer kids. They know what it's like to live together. It's clear the OP wants to move on to the next level soon for her that is getting married and having children. He either wants that or he doesn't. I read from the situation that he doesn't, he was stringing her along. If they rent somewhere together, she is compromising on her standards and also coasting along she may jeopardise ever settling down and having a family. Remember she is late twenties and he is mid thirties IMO they don't need more time to think about it.

To me she needs to be brave and start afresh. She sounds like a lovely person who has a lot to offer in a relationship and I'm sure will find the one for her in no time.

I'm really shocked by all those implying that she should give up on her ideas of marriage and family and home ownership and just rent with him.

It all depends on how important this man is to her and how important she is to him.

Relationships are about compromise and some of them can be pretty big. If there is no compromise available and neither can give way because of their principles then there is no relationship. Other people love their partners so much that they will compromise eg when one wants children and the other doesn't. It's nice if you feel the same way about the big things but often you don't. It's all about considering what's more important to you - being married or being with this guy. Living in the place you consider home or being with this girl.

tesuhoha

I can't help but laugh at everyone who is saying that the OP lived with the boyfriend and got a free ride. As far as I can make out she didn't move into his flat for the sake of the accommodation, she had her own place. She moved in because of the relationship. He obviously went along with her not paying rent for a while so it must have suited him to have her there.

In March, something changed and he demanded rent from her. I think this is when he changed his mind about her to some extent because he suddenly started thinking about money. Maybe he realised she was saving money and didn't like it. However, he should have asked for money from the start if that's how he wanted them to be.

Soubrette

tesuhoha wrote: »

I can't help but laugh at everyone who is saying that the OP lived with the boyfriend and got a free ride. As far as I can make out she didn't move into his flat for the sake of the accommodation, she had her own place. She moved in because of the relationship. He obviously went along with her not paying rent for a while so it must have suited him to have her there.

In March, something changed and he demanded rent from her. I think this is when he changed his mind about her to some extent because he suddenly started thinking about money. Maybe he realised she was saving money and didn't like it. However, he should have asked for money from the start if that's how he wanted them to be.

Actually my argument is that the boyfriend isn't a complete *add insult word*end with my evidence being that he didn't charge her at least some of the bills for some of that time when she was practically living with there. I also think she was very compromising to nearly always go to his place.

Relationships are not usually about one person being 100% right and the other person being 100% wrong.

LannieDuck

Treevo wrote: »

She's not bought it yet so unless you have a TARDIS in your back garden, half of your post is made up!

Ah, ok. I got the tense wrong about the house, but no need to exaggerate about me making up half my post.

princeofpounds

She moved in because of the relationship. He obviously went along with her not paying rent for a while so it must have suited him to have her there.

Dare I say it, for most men the rewards of having your girlfriend, who has her own flat, stay over frequently are typically more 'physical' than monetary. Oh, and emotional of course