Boyfriend dumped me after buying house

Alchemilla

Can I double thank this?

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Hugs, I am sorry this has happened and that you are feeling so bad. One day you will meet someone who really deserves you, and you will look back on this and realise you had a lucky escape.

And now I am going to say something that you might not want to hear, and I apologise if it is not the right thing to say....

But are you sure this new place is right for YOU? I ask because it is only a few minutes from his flat, you obviously chose it with him and you in mind as a couple, and thinking of marriage and babies. Making an offer doesn't commit you to anything, you haven't had a survey yet or incurred any expense, and yes if you backed out the sellers would be disappointed but that's not your problem. Buying a house is a huge commitment, it needs to be somewhere that you can see yourself, making a fresh start and a new life, on your own.

Just suggesting that you stop, and breathe and think about things.

Hugs

Dx

pinkshoes

Your ex BF is a selfish !!!!!!, and you are far better off without a negative and odd person like that in your life.

You are 27 with a successful career and about to have your own fab house. Move on with your life and find yourself a decent man to share your life with!

DUTR

sulkisu wrote: »

I was waiting for someone to say this. But, to be fair, if you count the posts for and against it's pretty much an even split - not the one side flaming that your post suggests.
As others have said, I think it sounds like there were issues on both sides and reading OPs posts, I have absolutely no idea what she really wanted and it's possible that her boyfriend felt the same.

You are correct this is one of the more balanced response threads of late.

pinkshoes wrote: »

Your ex BF is a selfish !!!!!!, and you are far better off without a negative and odd person like that in your life.

You are 27 with a successful career and about to have your own fab house. Move on with your life and find yourself a decent man to share your life with!

How is it the OP is not selfish? Sounds like she wants a robot not a partner. I have an ex that has her own fab place from in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and far from happy, having your own place can be good and it can also be a hinderance.

Carl31

2 sides to every story etc..

If he is a b@stard or whatever now, he wasn't the other day, or any of the past 4 years

Tbh of someone who said they wanted to spend there life with me then went off and did their own thing, I'd take that as a slap round the face

claire16c

TPDE wrote: »

I know this will sound stupid to alot of people, but I want to get married first before I live with someone.

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But you already have at his flat. How would it be any different?

eschaton

TPDE wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]Some background info: my (now ex) boyfriend lives in a rented one-bedroom flat about two miles away from me. I live in a tiny tiny studio, so he barely visits as he hates my place. From November 2009 until March 2013 we basically lived together at his flat, with me keeping essentials at his flat and using mine as storage. I slept there pretty much every night, and we shared household chores e.g. cooking and washing up. I didn't pay any rent to him.[/FONT]

TPDE wrote: »

I know this will sound stupid to alot of people, but I want to get married first before I live with someone.

So you basically lived together for 3.5yrs but want to get married before you live with someone.

Really - you can't have it both ways.

After living mainly at his property for so long and paying nothing in return, he probably feels that you are buying this house partly with money that you saved by living with him.

I'm not surprised he has dumped you.

You want to believe that you do nothing wrong but don't mind taking people for the biggest ride of their lives.

Yorkie1

Treevo wrote: »

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?

OP did not refuse to pay anything. She was willing to pay 25% or so, but just wasn't able to pay the 50% which the OH was demanding, given that she had another property to run, which the OH refused to go to.

princeofpounds

Interesting thread... I feel sorry for you OP, never nice when a relationship breaks down.

There seems to be two possible interpretations of what has happened, which I think accounts for the varying reactions you are getting.

One is the simple explanation. Your ex is a tool. He was perfectly happy for you to come stay with him for years, and never bothered to come stay with you. Having a better place was a logical excuse. Now that you have the better place, he doesn't want to conduct the relationship on your turf. Seemingly through a combination of laziness and desire for control.

The more complicated explanation is the theory that he is upset because you took a big life step without doing it the way he wanted. His objections may have been some element of a 'test' to see how seriously you felt about him. In this interpretation, you've been following your own plans with only your objectives on mind.

Personally I wouldn't pay attention to people accusing you of free-loading off him previously. You were paying rent for your own place the whole time. The only reason you weren't living there more seems to be he couldn't be bothered to visit. You even offered to pay rent on your place AND part of the rent on his place. And I have to say that every guy I've ever known in a relationship is happy when their woman is coming to visit them, not thinking about getting a contribution on their rent.

Anyway, which interpretation is correct depends on what was going on in his head in terms of motivations, which frankly no-one here knows; likely they are just projecting the way the would deal with situations onto your ex.

You probably sensed what was really behind his protestations; tell us, what's your guess? Was he really just bugged about the hassle and the money, or did he hint there was more behind it? Because if it was about the bigger picture he would have dropped huge hints... The cut-off seems so abrupt and impersonal I'm not so sure there was this burning desire for adult commitment behind all these actions.

Treevo

Yorkie1 wrote: »

OP did not refuse to pay anything. She was willing to pay 25% or so, but just wasn't able to pay the 50% which the OH was demanding, given that she had another property to run, which the OH refused to go to.

Wasn't able? Where do you get that idea from? He earns much less than her but was paying all of the rent and bills in the place they both lived. She wasn't able to pay her way but could afford to save a massive house deposit?

moneyistooshorttomention

TopQuark wrote: »

Just a quick thought - OP are you British? If so, you're from Europe too!

Where in Europe is he from? My fiance is French and they have a very different attitude to home ownership than many British people have. Your obsession with purchasing a house may have seemed somewhat odd to him depending on this.

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I think that what OP probably meant to say (sorry if I'm interpreting wrongly there OP) is that she is British and he isn't. I would guess she realises, from this, that that may be the reason why he has a different attitude to housebuying.

For us it is the case that the vast majority of us want to buy our own home and many of us also have always expected to do so. That's our way of life and not an "obsession" at all. Its just how we believe life is and what we want and it is our norm. A norm is just that, ie a "norm". I don't understand using the word "obsession" in this context.

He is the one who should try and understand how most of us (including his now ex-girlfriend) think and adapt accordingly (the same as the onus would be on her to adapt if they were both living in his country).