Boyfriend dumped me after buying house

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

Quite a lot, as this house buying just to be able to provide a stable roof over your head malarky is just as unlikely to be 'the norm' in his country as it is 'the norm' here.

Sorry I assumed you could read and understood simple reasoning ....obviously your preoccupation with "the government doing everything for me" has distorted that. My mistake. I didn't realize your only interest in this thread was to promote your own political agenda and discuss your lack of housing resourses .

zzzLazyDaisy

I suspect these questions did come up. I also suspect that OP's interpretation of 'living together' is less to do with sleeping over, and more to do with objecting to making a joint commitment to give up their individual homes and live together in one joint home (whether renting or buying) without first being married.

In fact I suspect that her buying the house was (possibly subconsciously) an attempt to 'bribe' him into agreeing to marry her, as she was making it clear that she wanted him to move in with her into this new house, but only if they are married. She is obviously shocked and upset that he reacted the way he did, as she obviously thought that if she held out long enough, he would capitulate eventually.

I apologise if I am way off the mark, I do know there is a lot of supposition there, but that's how it reads to me.

LannieDuck

FBaby wrote: »

But he didn't want to stay there and why would he when the place was clearly not as comfortable as is.

Except that when OP bought a new place (which I assume was at least as nice as ex's place?), he also didn't want to stay there.

OP, sounds like your ex was just plain lazy. Didn't want to make the effort of coming to visit you, firstly blaming how small your place was, then refusing to be parted from his xbox.

But it was ok for you to travel over every day and then back again at night. You were doing all the running. If you hadn't done that, do you think he would have made any effort to see you?

peachyprice

duchy wrote: »

Sorry I assumed you could read and understood simple reasoning ....obviously your preoccupation with "the government doing everything for me" has distorted that. My mistake. I didn't realize your only interest in this thread was to promote your own political agenda and discuss your lack of housing resourses .

WFT are you on about?

I have been a home owner for the last 25 years, I have absolutely no lack of housing resources, no need for a penny from the government and no political agenda, suggest you climb right down from your b!tchy high horse.

Treevo

LannieDuck wrote: »

Except that when OP bought a new place (which I assume was at least as nice as ex's place?), he also didn't want to stay there.

OP, sounds like your ex was just plain lazy. Didn't want to make the effort of coming to visit you, firstly blaming how small your place was, then refusing to be parted from his xbox.

But it was ok for you to travel over every day and then back again at night. You were doing all the running. If you hadn't done that, do you think he would have made any effort to see you?

She's not bought it yet so unless you have a TARDIS in your back garden, half of your post is made up!

Treevo

Anoneemoose wrote: »

But OP was paying rent on her own place too - a place where her boyfriend wouldn't stay. Maybe if he had agreed to stay there 50% (or similar) of the time, then this wouldn't be an issue.

Obviously we can only take things at face value as to what OP has said but it does seem like everything was on the bf's terms, in respect of where they stayed. Why should OP not continue to save for a house? She has already said she would pay 25% of the rent, as well as her own and based on what we know, I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

I'm no expert but I think a lot of this is down to simple misunderstanding, maybe through lack of communication. They seem to both have reached a position of 'not knowing where they stand' with each other.

I wish OP luck. I hope you find happiness soon.

You're twisting things in favour of the OP - she didn't offer to pay 25%. She demanded that he lay half of her rent too!

duchy

Eh ? Are we reading different posts?
Can you quote where she says that ?

QUOTE=TPDE;discussion/4690017][FONT=&quot]Hello,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I
[FONT=&quot]In March he said he wanted me to pay nearly half the cost of his rent and bills, or I would have to move back to my own flat. It was my choice whether I maintained my flat or moved in with him properly. I didn't want to give up my flat because his flat is too small for the two of us so I'd need to use my flat as storage space (my flat is so cheap, using a storage company was in my opinion not really worth the hassle), I didn't want to change address and affect my credit rating for a mortgage application, and to be honest, I want to be traditional and get married before living together. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I said I couldn't pay that much as I had my own rent to pay on my flat, so I suggested we pool our costs together and make sure each pays half, which would have meant I would have to pay him a third of what he was asking, but he was not willing to compromise, so I had to move out. He refused to visit me at my place, so I was basically going to his flat about 5 nights a week and then driving back home, with occasional sleepovers.[/FONT]


[/FONT][/QUOTE]

It seems to me he didn't want her to move in officially (or maybe he did -and the OP misunderstood) but simply to pay towards his bills but didn't address what the OP was supposed to do with *her* stuff as there wasn't room for it at his.

Frankly all this is about communication -neither seem very good at it
Nothing about this relationship seems to say couple.. it's all his or hers.

Soubrette

Treevo wrote: »

You're twisting things in favour of the OP - she didn't offer to pay 25%. She demanded that he lay half of her rent too!

She actually offered to pool their expenses and each pay 50/50. So technically yes she was asking him to pay half her rent but was also offering to pay half of his.

I personally don't consider that to be very fair as she earns more but it's not unusual for people to split expenses 50/50 even if they don't earn the same amount.

Padstow

FBaby wrote: »

I totally agree with this point of view. Surely if you are committed enough to be with someone for 4 years and to consider marrying the man and having his baby, it's not a bit of supposed storage issue that would stop you moving officially to your man's place.

I think OP always intended on saving the money for the house and the situation suited her well. Unfortunately, it finally came to light to the guy that he was being used so he issued an ultimatum, move with me officially and pay your due or get lost. She picked the house, and she is now surprised that she is being dumped....

It's rather like people who ask you to pay for their sandwich in the canteen queue as they only have a twenty pound note, but on a grand scale. In the meantime, OP's getting richer and boyfriend getting poorer.

Treevo

duchy wrote: »

Eh ? Are we reading different posts?
Can you quote where she says that ?

QUOTE=TPDE;discussion/4690017][FONT=&quot]Hello,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I
[FONT=&quot]In March he said he wanted me to pay nearly half the cost of his rent and bills, or I would have to move back to my own flat. It was my choice whether I maintained my flat or moved in with him properly. I didn't want to give up my flat because his flat is too small for the two of us so I'd need to use my flat as storage space (my flat is so cheap, using a storage company was in my opinion not really worth the hassle), I didn't want to change address and affect my credit rating for a mortgage application, and to be honest, I want to be traditional and get married before living together. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I said I couldn't pay that much as I had my own rent to pay on my flat, so I suggested we pool our costs together and make sure each pays half, which would have meant I would have to pay him a third of what he was asking, but he was not willing to compromise, so I had to move out. He refused to visit me at my place, so I was basically going to his flat about 5 nights a week and then driving back home, with occasional sleepovers.[/FONT]


[/FONT]

It seems to me he didn't want her to move in officially (or maybe he did -and the OP misunderstood) but simply to pay towards his bills but didn't address what the OP was supposed to do with *her* stuff as there wasn't room for it at his.

Frankly all this is about communication -neither seem very good at it
Nothing about this relationship seems to say couple.. it's all his or hers.[/QUOTE]

My bold. She admits that she was living with him (though not officially, presumably so she can tell mummy and daddy that she was a good girl who didn't live in sin!) but refused to pay any of the bills. When he asked for a contribution (not half, and remember she earns far in excess of what he was) she refused and instead wanted him to pay half her costs too!

I'll repeat it again - if a man had done this he would be called a user and an abuser, but because the OP is a woman, she's the innocent victim of the big bad man!