Boyfriend dumped me after buying house

TopQuark

Just a quick thought - OP are you British? If so, you're from Europe too!

Where in Europe is he from? My fiance is French and they have a very different attitude to home ownership than many British people have. Your obsession with purchasing a house may have seemed somewhat odd to him depending on this.

I can understand that seeing all your friends getting married/having kids etc. may feel frustrating for you, but you already know the way to resolve this. Stop comparing yourself and stop worrying about other people's opinions. It is (much) easier said than done its true, but when you can accomplish this, you'll feel so much better.

You are not some kind of failure in life if you don't have a husband/children/a mortgage, despite what the media and society at large would like to have you think!

If the house is really so important to you then continue with the purchase, but in your situation I'd withdraw the offer and give yourself some time to consider what's important to you in life and where you want to be in 10/20/30 years' time. There will ALWAYS be another house after all. I wish you the best of luck.

peachyprice

OP, I would imagine your boyfriend is feeling incredibly used right now.

You've spend 4 years living together (no matter how you want to dress it up, that's what you've been doing, so I really can't understand why you're pretending you weren't), rent free, allowing you to save enough for a deposit on a dream house YOU want, not what you as a couple want, and now you're getting what you want you don't want to live with him because it's suddenly so important that you're married first.

And I agree with the above poster, nowhere else in Europe is as obsessed with home ownership as here, he probably can't see what all the fuss is about and why you're putting a house above him.

AndyPK

Maybe he thinks you just want to be married rather than love him.

It's what my oh thinks!

Person_one

It seems like its 6 of one half a dozen of the other in this case.

He wasn't a great boyfriend, refusing to visit you at your flat, prioritising the Xbox over you etc.

You've not behaved brilliantly either though, earning more than him but refusing to contribute when you were living at his flat, and being generally a bit weird about the whole living together/not living together thing anyway.

Probably best for both of you to just chalk this one up as a loss and move on.

mishmogs

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

He asked you to pay half his rent & bills despite you having a place of your own? He refused to visit you in your flat (however small)? He prefers to spend time in his own flat with his TV and X-box than spending time with you?

Girlfriend you are well rid of him. You can do soooooooooooo much better, you are now free to find somebody who wants to be with you instead of treating you like a convenience.

Enjoy your new house, you've saved hard for it. You will get over him in time.

spot on tigstoonie! couldn't have said it any better myself.

enjoy your new home and your new life! you will met someone who is worthy of you. I know you feel like sh*t now but it WILL get better....hugs to you.

PasturesNew

TPDE wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]I now have a lovely house that I have wanted for ages that would have been perfect for my ex and I to live together, but a day after having my offer accepted I have lost the most important thing in my life - my relationship with him. My heart feels like it is literally breaking.
[/FONT]

The two are separate. If you dump the house you won't get him back.

It seems he's just not into you as much as you are into him.

Buy the house .......

duchy

So you have a bloke who is saying My way or No way.

Marriage to you is important as is owning your own home, He wants neither.

He thinks you living three minutes away is a long distance relationship

And he can't move in with you because it will impact on his Playstation time (to the poster disputing that game playing is a sign of immaturity.......it is if its the primary reason not to move a relationship to the next step)

Sweetie read back as if it was a friend...How would you advise her?

krlyr

Person_one wrote: »

It seems like its 6 of one half a dozen of the other in this case.

He wasn't a great boyfriend, refusing to visit you at your flat, prioritising the Xbox over you etc.

You've not behaved brilliantly either though, earning more than him but refusing to contribute when you were living at his flat, and being generally a bit weird about the whole living together/not living together thing anyway.

Probably best for both of you to just chalk this one up as a loss and move on.

I agree. Does it have to be one or the other "at fault" here? It sounds like there were multiple issues in the relationship, and both parties' behaviour led to the end of the relationship. Blaming one particular person won't change what's happened.

OP, it sounds like you weren't completely compatible/wanting the same things in life at the moment, and buying the house brought things to a head. I'm sure it's upsetting, but I'd be grateful of finding out now - before things got really complicated, like him moving in and trying to claim some of the house (it can happen even if he's not on the deeds, especially but not solely if he contributes financially), or your biological clock ticking, selling up and buying together, etc. If you're not on the same page, you're at least at a somewhat ideal situation to both walk away without it getting really messy.

Primrose

I feel for you. You thought your move would have a happy outcome and it didn't. But your ex sounds very immature, self centred and frankly, scared of making a commitment. Let's face it, his excuses are pretty lame if you can divorce yourself from the emotion of them.
Go ahead with your house purchase. Take advantage of your solitude for a while to reflect on what kind of man he was so that you don't make the same mistake again. And enjoy your new home!

Treevo

I wonder if a man had essentially lived with his girlfriend for nearly four years but refused to pay a penny towards the bills, whether the replies to this thread would be the same?