Boyfriend wanting too many holidays

Dimey

Cat has to come first in my book, especially if he's elderly. Poor love.

The cat has been used to your being there and though a few holidays can be taken in his stride (staying with your parents where he obviously feels safe is great) the cat still misses you when you're away. Cats like routine.

If your boyfriend wants you to join him then I suggest the boyfriend pays for a cat sitter in your home where the cat feels safe and secure.

Obviously choose a professional insured person so you're secure. There's no way I'd put an elderly cat in a cattery when he's never experienced one before.

Don't let your boyfriend tempt you in to casting the poor cat aside with an unsuitable solution. Try to get the boyfriend to see how your cat is a vulnerable creature that you have a responsibility for - like a child and encourage him to care for your cat as much as you do.

If he won't then boot the boyfriend out! Only joking.

squeakypurple

It's a shame you don't both feel the same way about the cat - that would make things tons easier! : )
A cat sitter could come in morning and night - breakfast and teatime - to make sure your cat is eating and healthy and also getting some attention and fuss. Curtains closed to make sure your house is lived in - texts and facebook pictures to keep you in the loop.
A weekend should be fine but for an elderly cat that likes company, you'll want someone checking in on them definitely. Plus a cat sitter will get to know your cat and so it'll be a calm and stress-free event.
I must say, the way my husband and I feel about our cats is one of our strongest bonds. We're always amazed at people that don't feel the same way about their own pets!

valk_scot

IF I wanted to go on a surfing weekend and IF the only thing that was holding me back was £20 for two days of cat sitting, I'd ask him to contribute.

If I didn't want to go on yet another surfing weekend I'd say no, and when he did the pouty bit I'd say how deeply unattractive it was for a grown man to be throwing a sulk because I didn't feel like sitting around in a campervan while he surfed again.

And finally, do you ever go away for weekends where you do something you like but he doesn't but he still comes along because he loves you and wants to be with you? Because if this situation never arises because he wouldn't even entertain the idea of turn about, or him being the bored person, ask yourself just how much you like this man and whether you want to put up with the behaviour long term. Because this isn't so much about the cat, it's the passive-aggressive bullying that's underpinning the whole scenario. If he's brushing your feelings and opinions on all fronts aside and throwing a sulk when he doesn't get what he wants all the time...well, worth thinking about, no?

Rachels1979

My boyfriend is the complete opposite. I'd love to go away for weekends but he doesn't ever want to do anything, even going out for the day takes a lot of cajoling and has often ended up in him in a bad mood because he didn't want to leave the house, other times we've had a lovely day and he's admitted that he's really glad we did it.

According to him weekends are for catching up on sleep.

~Chameleon~

Rachels1979 wrote: »

According to him weekends are for catching up on sleep.

Tell him he'll sleep enough once he's dead! Life is for LIVING

Rachels1979

Believe me I've tried! We've got a 7 month old baby and it'd be lovely to spend time together doing things as a family. Other than the occasional baby group I'm on my own with her at home Monday to Friday so I'd love to go out and do things as a family but it's just not a priority to him. He's always been like it so it's not just that he's tired because of the baby. Maybe one day he'll wake up from that sleep and realised he's lost what should have been more important.

Anyway, that's a whole other thread!

duchy

Sounds more like you have different priorities.

Were ALL of these weekends about his surfing or were they a mix of things ? Were any weekends about your interests ? Frankly he sounds like a boy not a man with his sulking though.

I'm getting married next year and we currently have two houses and three cats -we manage to work it out because we BOTH want to go away.

Gloomendoom

Rachels1979 wrote: »

According to him weekends are for catching up on sleep.

That reminds me of a holiday we had last year. I got flu, the real deal kind, just before we departed and all I wanted to do when we got there was die or, at the very least, stay in bed and sleep.

My wife was having none of it, dragged me out of bed and told me that I could sleep on the beach.

Vicky123

Rachels1979 wrote: »

Believe me I've tried! We've got a 7 month old baby and it'd be lovely to spend time together doing things as a family. Other than the occasional baby group I'm on my own with her at home Monday to Friday so I'd love to go out and do things as a family but it's just not a priority to him. He's always been like it so it's not just that he's tired because of the baby. Maybe one day he'll wake up from that sleep and realised he's lost what should have been more important.

Anyway, that's a whole other thread!

Be careful with this, my ex did the same, kids are grown now and we rarely had any quality time at all as a family, he never woke up from it, if anything it got worse.

edeneve

Hi there,
I see this as a case of compatibility really...this is what your BF loves to do and it is how he wants to spend his life....but is it how you want to spend your life...now for me he wouldn't have to ask me twice, I'm not really into pets and would happily ditch the cat for that way of life.

Dependancy-simple he wants to spend time with you sharing his hobby....but if you don't like it then it may be time that you let your BF find someone who would enjoy sharing his way of life. It seems he wants to share his life with someone who would do those things with him.

Issues like this can become major issues in a relationship, because one of you ultimately would have to change to please the other and then that could cause further issues.

Sometimes people are just not compatible no matter how much they love each other....experience taught me this.