Lazy boyfriend!

CharlieRabbit01

so how did it go?

hoMEOWner

Well, I'm not sure really..

It went well in the sense that he got home, we had a nice calm discussion about how this couldn't continue and he needs to start pulling his weight around the house and he has agreed that he needs to change. We figured out the jobs he is going to do during the week (Washing up 3 nights a week, one load of clothes washed a week, hoover once a week, bins out once a week, general tidy up once a week) and we have dug out an old whiteboard and written them all on that & put it by the computer so he has no excuse to 'forget' what he has to do.

However, he did say some stuff that made me quite angry too. I said yesterday that I was upset that he hadn't helped me do any cleaning even though he knew our landlady was coming, he brought up that I had had a lie in the other day and said that he felt I was being unfair because I'd had a lie in instead of cleaning all day.. I'll admit, it was a pretty big lie in, but it's rare for me to do and I still did the cleaning later in the day!

He also said that the bins weren't his fault because he didn't mean to forget to put them out.. I said that he needs to set a timer or something then because it's pretty hard to forget something that happens every single week at the same time. Then he said that it was 'kind of' my fault too because I sometimes get the days mixed up when they have to go out (They get collected on a Tuesday morning so I say they need to go out on a Tuesday but he puts them out on a Monday night, he takes issue with that apparently). So I got upset about that but I think I got through to him & just said that whether he wanted to do it Monday evening or Tuesday morning, he had to sort out a reminder or something so that he'd remember to do it in future.

He also kept saying that we both need to change which I felt was a bit of a cop out & meant that he didn't really see his behaviour as a big issue. At which point I did point out that when I went away recently, the house had become a total tip and why did he think that was etc. I think that may have got through to him because he acknowledged that without me here, the house had become very messy..

The money didn't go down well, though. I think he thought I was being nosey & it wasn't my business but he has agreed to pay me £10 a month to try and pay off the money that he owes me. It's stupid for him to waste time paying me back that money though, because it's going to go straight into our new house so he'll benefit from it!

I dunno. I think overall it went well but only time will tell if it has sunk in. I think I also have to take some more responsibility for reminding him if he hasn't done something, so that might make things better too. I have also impressed upon him that I won't be putting up with him treating our house like student digs from now on and that if he doesn't act like an adult, he can go back and live with his mum again until he learns to live like one (Pretty sure that had the biggest effect )

paulineb_2

He owes you £600 and hes going to pay you back at 10 pounds a month, 60 months. So in 5 years he'll have repaid the debt? And the debt to his mum?

I think hes taking the !!!! quite frankly.

jackieblack

hoMEOWner wrote: »

I think I also have to take some more responsibility for reminding him if he hasn't done something, so that might make things better too.

Men call this nagging :cool: I fail to see how that might make things better.

Errata

paulineb wrote: »

He owes you £600 and hes going to pay you back at 10 pounds a month, 60 months. So in 5 years he'll have repaid the debt? And the debt to his mum?

I think hes taking the !!!! quite frankly.

Looks at it this way. The OP will be able to treat herself to a bag of chips every week for five years.

Brighton_belle

paulineb wrote: »

He owes you £600 and hes going to pay you back at 10 pounds a month, 60 months. So in 5 years he'll have repaid the debt? And the debt to his mum?

I think hes taking the !!!! quite frankly.

Couldn't agree more - I did an instant mental calcs and though 5 years! His attitude is very dishonourable and lacking any appreciation. Do not have children with this man child until these issues are addressed.

jackieblack wrote: »

Men call this nagging :cool: I fail to see how that might make things better.

The trouble is, she's caught in a double bind then - say nothing when he repeatedly reneges on his promises and happily leaves her to do the work like she's his mummy, or rather than passively accept his behaviour, calmly says something and can be accused of 'nagging'...

OP when he turned round and blamed you for having a lie in when you could have been cleaning - was he actually cleaning while you were in bed? Otherwise, totally irrelevant.

CH27

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Well, I'm not sure really..

It went well in the sense that he got home, we had a nice calm discussion about how this couldn't continue and he needs to start pulling his weight around the house and he has agreed that he needs to change. We figured out the jobs he is going to do during the week (Washing up 3 nights a week, one load of clothes washed a week, hoover once a week, bins out once a week, general tidy up once a week) and we have dug out an old whiteboard and written them all on that & put it by the computer so he has no excuse to 'forget' what he has to do.

However, he did say some stuff that made me quite angry too. I said yesterday that I was upset that he hadn't helped me do any cleaning even though he knew our landlady was coming, he brought up that I had had a lie in the other day and said that he felt I was being unfair because I'd had a lie in instead of cleaning all day.. I'll admit, it was a pretty big lie in, but it's rare for me to do and I still did the cleaning later in the day!

He also said that the bins weren't his fault because he didn't mean to forget to put them out.. I said that he needs to set a timer or something then because it's pretty hard to forget something that happens every single week at the same time. Then he said that it was 'kind of' my fault too because I sometimes get the days mixed up when they have to go out (They get collected on a Tuesday morning so I say they need to go out on a Tuesday but he puts them out on a Monday night, he takes issue with that apparently). So I got upset about that but I think I got through to him & just said that whether he wanted to do it Monday evening or Tuesday morning, he had to sort out a reminder or something so that he'd remember to do it in future.

He also kept saying that we both need to change which I felt was a bit of a cop out & meant that he didn't really see his behaviour as a big issue. At which point I did point out that when I went away recently, the house had become a total tip and why did he think that was etc. I think that may have got through to him because he acknowledged that without me here, the house had become very messy..

The money didn't go down well, though. I think he thought I was being nosey & it wasn't my business but he has agreed to pay me £10 a month to try and pay off the money that he owes me. It's stupid for him to waste time paying me back that money though, because it's going to go straight into our new house so he'll benefit from it!

I dunno. I think overall it went well but only time will tell if it has sunk in. I think I also have to take some more responsibility for reminding him if he hasn't done something, so that might make things better too. I have also impressed upon him that I won't be putting up with him treating our house like student digs from now on and that if he doesn't act like an adult, he can go back and live with his mum again until he learns to live like one (Pretty sure that had the biggest effect )

He has zero respect for you. Do you really want to live with someone that doesn't respect you?

Quiet_Spark

I haven't bothered to read the last 5 pages, but here's my advice on how to deal anyone based on the actual title of your thread.

1. Tell them to get their finger out of their bum and start pulling their weight again

2.Tell them to pi$$ off

Problem solved!

paulineb_2

When you love someone it can be very hard to deal with someone who is just not treating you right, I speak from experience, but sooner or later resentment will kick in and that resentment will get so big that you wont want to be with that person any longer.

Unless theres a dramatic turnaround in the way he treats you, I really cant see you lasting long term.

It is not fun dating someone who acts like Kevin the teenager, been there, done that, never again.

Dunroamin

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Hmm that might not be a bad idea, you know.. The other option is to take the power cable for his computer and hide it

I don't want to leave him. We have worked hard at our relationship and I feel like our life is just really getting started. Plus, he hasn't always been like this. He used to be very attentive, helped around the house AND he used to do all the cooking! It's just that over the past 6 months or so he has stopped doing all of that If things don't get sorted in the next 6 months then I will consider leaving but I want to give him a chance to improve things and go back to how he used to be.

Change of character and unpaid loans smells of something going on. Could it be an affair or drugs?