Lazy boyfriend!

Guest101

Also the general rule, which some may not agree with, is if he works, the house is your responsibility. Certainly if you were both working, the housework would be split.

But if he's working fulltime, then you should be doing the equal at home.

paulineb_2

Guest101 wrote: »

Also the general rule, which some may not agree with, is if he works, the house is your responsibility. Certainly if you were both working, the housework would be split.

But if he's working fulltime, then you should be doing the equal at home.

They were both working until about a month ago but shes been doing the bulk of the housework lately.

Dunroamin

paulineb wrote: »

Also, how can people comment on anything apart from the info you give. I never made a connection between him having an affair or being on drugs.

I made the comment about the possibility of an affair or drugs because the OP said,

"Over the past few months, he has stopped doing any chores around the house"

and

"He used to be very attentive, helped around the house AND he used to do all the cooking! It's just that over the past 6 months or so he has stopped doing all of that "

which seemed to me to be a major shift in attitude rather than just laziness.

Unfortunately (and quite understandably) the OP has now rushed to defend him because people here have been critical but only time will tell whether this problem has been sorted or just brushed under the carpet.

paulineb_2

Well, sometimes we actually do know that a relationship isnt good for us, we just take a lot longer to admit it to ourselves.

I knew for years before I kicked my ex into touch that it would never work.

And I have to say, speaking as someone who used to date someone with a gaming obsession, that always came first and you get to the stage yourself where you think why bother.

The super mario brothers or pac men are higher up the list of priorities than you are, time to exit (Im talking about me here, not anyone else)

CharlieRabbit01

hoMEOWner wrote: »

He also kept saying that we both need to change which I felt was a bit of a cop out & meant that he didn't really see his behaviour as a big issue. At which point I did point out that when I went away recently, the house had become a total tip and why did he think that was etc. I think that may have got through to him because he acknowledged that without me here, the house had become very messy..

I don't see this a a cop out to be honest he probably is right, you both need to change, he needs to buck up and do his share of things and you need to relax and stop nagging him.

Because of his changes you have probably changed to and its sometimes hard to admit but he's probably right, its going to take both of you to change to make this right.

Errata

Over the past few months, he has stopped doing any chores around the house. We have discussed it before and while he makes the right noises at the time and it will usually lead to a few days of trying to help, it never has a lasting impact.

We have been together for roughly 3 years. We had to work hard at our relationship because the first 2 years were long distance.

Yes, the house is the right thing to do. I am happy to be moving & buying a house together,

I wonder what the relationship might be between the starting date of buying a house and six months ago him 'disappearing' from all normal household activity and into his computer every and all evenings and weekends.

paulineb_2

Why on earth would you want to buy a house with someone who wont do a stitch of housework and who spends most of his time playing computer games

beckysbobbles1

A few years ago I could've written exactly the same post!

My OH at the time was addicted to gaming and would stay up till the early hours playing. Then he'd be too tired to do anything with me the following day.

I thought he was incredibly lazy when it came to doing the chores but what I didn't take into account was the fact that he did most of the driving, cooking and DIY.

Relationships are about give and take. It sounds like your too close tot he situation to maybe see some of the things that your OH does do.

I do agree he is taking the micky regarding money, although at least he has agreed to start paying you back.

CharlieRabbit01

paulineb wrote: »

Why on earth would you want to buy a house with someone who wont do a stitch of housework and who spends most of his time playing computer games

I've asked this many times myself. And I always get the same answer, this being the worst one:

having to tidy the whole house for the landlord without any help but it's not going to end my relationship or stop us living together, hence it would be stupid to not buy our house together. Having the house may actually make our life easier; It is smaller so less work keeping it clean, we'll be able to have a dishwasher, we'll have more disposable income so will be able to afford a TV & I won't have to sit in his computer room all the time.

I quizzed that and got this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieRabbit01
Thats almost like saying having a baby will bring us closer together, owning a house is a big responsibility, if you cant manage to live in harmony now how is owning a house going to make it better.

You not looking at this logically. If he cant manage to put the bins out once a week how exactly is a smaller house going to help? The bins will still need to go out, the hoovering will still need to be done, whether you live in a huge house or a small apartment if he can't do the basics in one place he is not going to do them in the next.

You may be lucky and it will sort its self out or you'll find yourself living miserably still and then the hassle of trying to live together and sell a house.
Because while a smaller house might not make him tidier, it will make it easier for me to keep the house clean. I can have a dishwasher, so I won't have to do mountains of dish washing everyday. I will have more money spare at the end of the month, so might be able to afford to hire a cleaner once or twice a month. It doesn't have a garden so no weeding to do or anything like that.

We mostly live in harmony now, I just want him to do his share of the chores again!

Just_a_Girl_2

OP, you say several times that you want him to be the guy you first met and fell in love with, the attentive guy who cooked for you and did the chores without any problem.

Have you stopped to think that this was him on his best behaviour? That in fact, the person he is now, is actually the "real" him?

It's not unusual for people to put on a bit of a front in the early part of a relationship. It seems to me that this is what he's done.

You did long distance for 2 years, have been together for 3 which means you have lived together for only a year. Half of that year was him being the perfect boyfriend. Now the novelty has worn off, he's resorting to his old self.

I guess you have to decide whether you can live with him like that or not.

Personally, having been married to a gamer in the past, it's something I would NEVER do again. He was exactly the same, staying up into the small hours playing games, spending his weekends in bed. He rarely got up before 3pm on the weekend which meant we could never do anything together.

In fact, when I read this thread last night, I wondered if you were my ex husband's girlfriend