Lazy boyfriend!

aileth

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

As long as they get done, I personally don't mind if its before or after games.

After all he's an adult not a child. Treat someone like a child and they'll behave like one.

The point is they're not getting done though!

sassyblue

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

As long as they get done, I personally don't mind if its before or after games.

After all he's an adult not a child. Treat someone like a child and they'll behave like one.

No he's acting like a child to start with. He's a home owner and he needs to do some chores that's all, ignoring them to play on computer games is what teenagers do.

jackieblack

skylight wrote: »

Talk to him. Sit him down quietly and tell him that this cannot continue and how you feel about it. Ask for his opinions as maybe he is feeling unhappy with the situation too. If you don't ask, then you won't know. And if nothing changes with either of you afterwards, you need to ask yourself what happens next.

where.do.i.stand wrote: »

I think a real sit down with getting out all your issues might wake him up. If you allow him to get too comfortable you will just become a door mat and he will lose all respect and your never be able to get it back to how it was.

Mojisola wrote: »

In that case, it's got to be a heart-to-heart with both of you listening to the other.

As above

CharlieRabbit01

sassyblue wrote: »

No he's acting like a child to start with. He's a home owner and he needs to do some chores that's all, ignoring them to play on computer games is what teenagers do.

The point is i've been in the same situation as the OP, this is not the end of the world, I imagine he is still young and wants to have fun he and the OP just need to talk things through and understand how the other feels and come to an agreement.

In my experience it works for a short while and as soon as it starts to slip you need to put it back on track.

Like I said I've been there done that and got the t-shirt 6 years on we're very happy and still do our own selfish things but the chores still get done whether before or after the fun stuff.

hoMEOWner

paulineb wrote: »

Hes only ever asked to hoover and put the bins out and that's a problem for him? While you are clearing up food that's been left out so long mould is growing on it?

How long would it take him to do the chores listed above, per week, a couple of hours tops and he cant do it?

It would take him about 10 minutes to put the bins out. I take care of the recycling & sort it all out so all he has to do is put it out the front of the house every other week. Ditto with bins, they just need to go out the front of the house once a week.

As for hoovering, our house is mostly laminate & it's only a little terrace so it'd take maybe half an hour to hoover it? His other job was to mop the kitchen & bathroom and that only takes 10 minutes.

So yeah, all in all it'd be about an hour of housework a week, possibly less.

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I hope so for you, don't give up I've been there and it can work out, but it takes time and talking to each other without nagging, the more you treat him like a child the more he'll behave like one.

We also had a similar situation with money except the other way round I genuinely struggle to pay him back but I pay as much as I can when i can, I don't like it when he goes onto me about it as I just feel worse for borrowing.

You need to hold back your frustration and treat him like an adult, pop in whilst he's playing and point out what time it is and would he mind doing the dishes when he gets to a save point.

paulineb wrote: »

He spends all evening and all weekend gaming? Sounds like he has no time for you whatsoever. Do you ever go out, do things as a couple or stay in and watch tv, dvds, chat? See friends?

What exactly is your social life like, because if hes spending all evening every evening and all weekend gaming, doesn't sound like theres much room for you, or a social life there.

We go out a lot more now than we did before. I actually had a bit of a moan at him about 3 months ago because all we ever did was sit by his computer So since then he has made more of an effort to go out!

Our social life usually consists of going out every other week. Sometimes we go and see his family on a Sunday for lunch, sometimes we go out with his friends, sometimes he takes me to the cinema. Or sometimes we have his friends over and we'll get a takeaway So we do have somewhat of a social life! Most of our weekday evenings involve watching TV while he's on the computer, though. It does get a bit boring sometimes.

The only caveat with going out is that it is usually something he wants to do and if he does go out, he has to game when he gets back home.

CharlieRabbit01

hoMEOWner wrote: »

It would take him about 10 minutes to put the bins out. I take care of the recycling & sort it all out so all he has to do is put it out the front of the house every other week. Ditto with bins, they just need to go out the front of the house once a week.

As for hoovering, our house is mostly laminate & it's only a little terrace so it'd take maybe half an hour to hoover it? His other job was to mop the kitchen & bathroom and that only takes 10 minutes.

So yeah, all in all it'd be about an hour of housework a week, possibly less.





We go out a lot more now than we did before. I actually had a bit of a moan at him about 3 months ago because all we ever did was sit by his computer So since then he has made more of an effort to go out!

Our social life usually consists of going out every other week. Sometimes we go and see his family on a Sunday for lunch, sometimes we go out with his friends, sometimes he takes me to the cinema. Or sometimes we have his friends over and we'll get a takeaway So we do have somewhat of a social life! Most of our weekday evenings involve watching TV while he's on the computer, though. It does get a bit boring sometimes.

The only caveat with going out is that it is usually something he wants to do and if he does go out, he has to game when he gets back home.

I use his gaming time as a time to myself I love my own space so it suits me, I dig out my girly films or a tv show he doesnt like then craft to my hearts content, this means we can then make other time to watch a film or go out etc.

We dont make it a routine as it would get boring we just mix up the days, last night was games and crafts evening (dinner together) and a movie together at 9 and tonight the apprentice is on so we'll watch that together and a bit of other tv.

hoMEOWner

Right, our hoover has just given up. So now our landlady is coming over at 4:30 to show people around and they're going to get here and see a floor covered in dog hair and about 6 weeks of dust. All because my OH didn't clean at all. I want to cry.

And my OH called me and I had a right go at him about everything. I feel absolutely miserable.

CharlieRabbit01

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Right, our hoover has just given up. So now our landlady is coming over at 4:30 to show people around and they're going to get here and see a floor covered in dog hair and about 6 weeks of dust. All because my OH didn't clean at all. I want to cry.

And my OH called me and I had a right go at him about everything. I feel absolutely miserable.

They are not going to expect the place to be perfect, I have seen some grotty places in past when viewing, as long as it looks relatively tidy politely explain that unfortunately the hoover has broken.

Take a deep breath have a cup of tea, coffee waht ever sit down for 20 minutes and clear your head. Then get up with a spring in your step and make sure any clutter is cleared away, dishes are done and worktop wiped down.

you may feel its needs to be perfect as would I but it doesnt have to be and not worth making your self ill over.

The OH needs to sit and have a chat with you when he gets in, but dont get angry shouting or laying blame, talk about how you feel, he likely just switches off otherwise and thinks oh god she's nagging again.

His computer playing is a way to escape and you guys need to work together to figure out why he needs to escape.

iamashoppingaddict

My OH is VERY VERY lazy. Prior to living with me, he lived with his dad and step mother and they did everything for him. Recently I got fed up of doing all the work around the house. All he did was empty the bin and load the dishwasher, I did everything else.

So I got in a cleaner. She comes in once a fortnight and he pays for it. He's happy because the house is clean and he doesn't have me nagging at him all the time. I'm happy because I've finally got the help I wanted.

No practical for most people I understand but it works for us.

pops5588

hoMEOWner, I think the main thing that would play on my mind is the money situation. I don't think that the way he has handled it (or lack-there-of) has shown you or indeed his mother that he has a huge amount of respect for you or is thankful for bailing him out of a tight-spot. This would be the issue I would want to deal with first and foremost, he has to realise that you are a partnership and pretending he doesn't have a duty and a responsibility to pay that money back is not fair.

I'm kind of in the same situation in terms of I definitely do 99.9% of all housework, but while I used to lose my rag with him fairly regularly I thankfully got a big reality check from a good friend who told to stop it, because OH is always very appreciative. He also drives me to work every day, supports me emotionally, puts up with my mother etc. so I have definitely realised over the last year that what I don't get out of him in terms of housework I get back in terms of an appreciative partner. It does not sound like you are getting this though, which of course would be enough to make anyone feel like sh*t.

I guess the conundrum is that he knows you love him and that you don't want to leave him, so he probably can see that even though it is having a negative impact on you there are no real repurcussions to his behaviour. Definitely tough I would never come on here and tell you what to do with your relationship, but do you think it would help to sit and have a think about the positives of the relationship? What does he do for you that is good, and makes a difference in your life? It is easy to "forget" these things over time, we all get comfortable to an extent. Especially stressful at the moment because you are in the process of moving house.

I'm not putting it on you at all, just trying to suggest maybe weighing up the situation. Remove yourself from it and think "what advice would I give someone else in my shoes?"