Lazy boyfriend!

hoMEOWner

Yes, we have both worked hard at the relationship. We both made sacrifices to move in together and we both used to commute each weekend so that we could see each other. Usually that meant one of us leaving work and getting straight on a train for 2 hours, then doing the same journey again on a Sunday. And we did it almost every weekend for the better part of 2 years.

Hell, one time I was working late on a Friday evening and when I got home he had let himself into my flat and had cleaned the whole place top to toe, walked my dog, covered my bed with rose petals and made me a two course meal. Another time he stayed late at my workplace with me (Until past midnight! :eek:) after being at work all day because I had loads of work dropped on me at the last minute and he didn't want me to be on my own. And then there's the time that he had worked a full 10 hour day, got on a 2 hour train to my house and then spent the whole night until 5AM helping my mum clean out her house before she moved (She's a hoarder. It wasn't pretty).

Like I said, he never used to be this way. He used to be a wonderful, attentive partner who would go out of his way to help me out. It has just been the past 6 months that he has changed.

CharlieRabbit01

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Yes, we have both worked hard at the relationship. We both made sacrifices to move in together and we both used to commute each weekend so that we could see each other. Usually that meant one of us leaving work and getting straight on a train for 2 hours, then doing the same journey again on a Sunday. And we did it almost every weekend for the better part of 2 years.

this is exactly what we used to do.

hoMEOWner

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

Me too, half the time i've got my craft stuff spread out and when i'm in the middle of something i dont like to pack it all away.

He probably has got into a rut and a case of sitting a chatting about it will help but it'll take time.

6 years on we still do our own things playing the computer, crafts etc sharing out the chores yes occasionally I have to say oh could you do such and such sometimes he'll just do the dishes or put the bins out of his own accord.

Haha, I am exactly the same! Due to the house move all my stuff has been packed away in boxes for the past 2 weeks. I'm missing my clutter!

I hope it is just a case of having a chat and he'll get his act together.

aileth wrote: »

Holy smokes does he actually say that he needs to game first when you ask him to do chores? Tell him if he does chores first then he won't have to put up with nagging when he's gaming!!!

Yes It's a case of 'But I just want to check the internet before I do that..' or 'I've been at work, I'll do them after tea..' and then before I know it, it's midnight and he's not done any of them!

paulineb_2

It doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of this relationship apart from frustration. I used to date someone who was obsessed with playing games, not on a pc but Nintendo, playstation, he used to have his mates round every weekend, because his mate was married with a couple of kids and his wife was happy to get rid of him for some time, every weekend was playstation time and my ex wouldn't ever turn around and say, no Im doing something else, it was always left up to me to arrange something so the playstation marathons wouldn't happen.

I got sick of it in the end because I knew that's the way my life was going to be if I stuck with him.

Your bf doesn't need to spend his life up to his elbows in soap suds, but theres no way he needs to lock himself away for 2 days at a time playing games. And my bf was 29 at the time I met him, he was an adult, he often didn't behave like it.

As for the money, if hes working full time, he can give you it back.
Sometimes we need to take a long hard look at the relationship we are in, because if you were happy with the way things are, you wouldn't have posted.

You need someone that's going to give you a bit of support around the house, some of his time and someone who hopefully isn't awful with cash, and I know some people cant manage money but people can learn.

Or if you are prepared to put up with the way things are, fine, but I would imagine a year or two down the line you might end up feeling more frustrated.

Mojisola

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Like I said, he never used to be this way. He used to be a wonderful, attentive partner who would go out of his way to help me out. It has just been the past 6 months that he has changed.

In that case, it's got to be a heart-to-heart with both of you listening to the other.

aileth

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

Of course he'll want to game first, who wants to do boring stuff first. I don't see anything wrong with doing the fun bit first as long as the boring stuff is done after.

I've certainly done the fun stuff then got up to do the dishes.

Sure, but if he isn't responsible enough to be able to quit when he needs to and do the chores, then he should do the chores first!

paulineb_2

Hes only ever asked to hoover and put the bins out and that's a problem for him? While you are clearing up food that's been left out so long mould is growing on it?

How long would it take him to do the chores listed above, per week, a couple of hours tops and he cant do it?

CharlieRabbit01

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Haha, I am exactly the same! Due to the house move all my stuff has been packed away in boxes for the past 2 weeks. I'm missing my clutter!

I hope it is just a case of having a chat and he'll get his act together.



Yes It's a case of 'But I just want to check the internet before I do that..' or 'I've been at work, I'll do them after tea..' and then before I know it, it's midnight and he's not done any of them!

I hope so for you, don't give up I've been there and it can work out, but it takes time and talking to each other without nagging, the more you treat him like a child the more he'll behave like one.

We also had a similar situation with money except the other way round I genuinely struggle to pay him back but I pay as much as I can when i can, I don't like it when he goes onto me about it as I just feel worse for borrowing.

You need to hold back your frustration and treat him like an adult, pop in whilst he's playing and point out what time it is and would he mind doing the dishes when he gets to a save point.

CharlieRabbit01

aileth wrote: »

Sure, but if he isn't responsible enough to be able to quit when he needs to and do the chores, then he should do the chores first!

As long as they get done, I personally don't mind if its before or after games.

After all he's an adult not a child. Treat someone like a child and they'll behave like one.

paulineb_2

He spends all evening and all weekend gaming? Sounds like he has no time for you whatsoever. Do you ever go out, do things as a couple or stay in and watch tv, dvds, chat? See friends?

What exactly is your social life like, because if hes spending all evening every evening and all weekend gaming, doesn't sound like theres much room for you, or a social life there.