Lazy boyfriend!

hoMEOWner

Firstly, this might be a bit long so I'm sorry! I'm really frustrated with my partner and it's really getting me down.

Over the past few months, he has stopped doing any chores around the house. We have discussed it before and while he makes the right noises at the time and it will usually lead to a few days of trying to help, it never has a lasting impact.

I initially didn't mind doing the lions share of the chores because I was home more but it is starting to become too much work because as well as not doing chores, he is also incredibly messy! I'm not talking a bit of mess, I'm talking food all over the kitchen, paper and bits of stuff just left all over the house, lunchboxes just left to grow mold on them. So not only am I doing the chores, I'm also continuously cleaning up after him.
To make matters worse, he has only two chores that he has to do because I physically can't. He has to do the vacuuming and put the bins out once a week and he continuously forgets to do both of those.

I have tried to compromise and make things easier for him (Writing him lists of what I need him to do instead of just asking him, giving him set chores to do each week) but it doesn't seem to make a difference.

Anyway, today has been the last straw. We are currently in the process of moving house and our landlord is coming over today to show some prospective new tenants around. My partner has known about this for the past five days and while I've been rushing around trying to clean, he has made no effort at all. In fact, last night I asked him to do 5 things and he only half finished them! So I am now in the process of cleaning our entire house head to toe (It is really messy!) and I just want to cry

There is also the small matter of money.. Last year he had a problem with his job (His boss wasn't paying him) and as such, he had to borrow some money from me and some money from his mum. He borrowed roughly £600 from me and about £1000 from his mum. Shortly after he borrowed that money, he found a new job and has been earning a steady (And rather comfortable!) income for the past 9 months. However, he has made no effort to pay either of those debts off and, whilst I was initially understanding, both me and his mother are starting to lose patience. I really need that £600 as my savings are running out and he has known that I would need it for the past 6 months but when I asked him for it last month, he said he didn't have it

Also, he still has a £500 overdraft that he has yet to clear from when he was a student (He graduated 2 years ago!) which he still hasn't paid off. This September, this overdraft starts acruing interest and I am really worried that if he doesn't pay it off in time, he is going to end up ridiculously in debt.

Sorry, that was really long and a bit garbled! I'm just so frustrated. I feel like I'm living with a petulent teenager, not the grown man that I moved in with I really love him and other than these issues, we get along like a house on fire. I just need something to change.

pigpen

Unless you want to feel like this for the rest of your life you need to sort it y whatever means possible .. I found binning everything they leave out of place worked well .. or leave and move on.. life is way too short to be unhappy about things like this.

Only you know what is the right decision for you.

notanewuser

Dump him. He sounds like a complete waste of space.

hoMEOWner

Hmm that might not be a bad idea, you know.. The other option is to take the power cable for his computer and hide it

I don't want to leave him. We have worked hard at our relationship and I feel like our life is just really getting started. Plus, he hasn't always been like this. He used to be very attentive, helped around the house AND he used to do all the cooking! It's just that over the past 6 months or so he has stopped doing all of that If things don't get sorted in the next 6 months then I will consider leaving but I want to give him a chance to improve things and go back to how he used to be.

where.do.i.stand

pigpen wrote: »

Unless you want to feel like this for the rest of your life you need to sort it y whatever means possible .. I found binning everything they leave out of place worked well .. or leave and move on.. life is way too short to be unhappy about things like this.

Only you know what is the right decision for you.

Love the binning everything they leave

pigpen

hoMEOWner wrote: »

Hmm that might not be a bad idea, you know.. The other option is to take the power cable for his computer and hide it

I don't want to leave him. We have worked hard at our relationship and I feel like our life is just really getting started. Plus, he hasn't always been like this. He used to be very attentive, helped around the house AND he used to do all the cooking! It's just that over the past 6 months or so he has stopped doing all of that If things don't get sorted in the next 6 months then I will consider leaving but I want to give him a chance to improve things and go back to how he used to be.

This is a common issue.. they start off being the model citizen then morph into a couch potato... and then a sloth.. before you know it you are living with a giant toddler!

skylight

hoMEOWner wrote: »

I don't want to leave him.

Then its something you will have to learn to live with. You can only decide if you love him enough to put up with this forever because from experience, lazy boyfriends turn into lazy husbands and they turn into lazy fathers, finally turning into bitter lazy ex-husbands.

If you cannot get this sorted soon, you need to have a long term think about your life.

skylight

pigpen wrote: »

This is a common issue.. they start off being the model citizen then morph into a couch potato... and then a sloth.. before you know it you are living with a giant toddler!

Yep, they seem to get comfortable!

Its when you realise you are no longer his friend and lover, but you've turned into his mother!

aileth

What distracts him so much that he 'forgets' to do the chores?

I had this with my OH and thankfully it only took me once of losing my rag with him to get it sorted. It's all about them not growing up and not taking responsibility, instead acting like a 13 year old teenager who sits on video games all day while mummy cleans up after them.

If you have told him how you feel and he still 'forgets' and still has 0 responsibility, I would not want to live like this. You feel more like a mother than a partner and that is not healthy.

hoMEOWner

skylight wrote: »

Then its something you will have to learn to live with. You can only decide if you love him enough to put up with this forever because from experience, lazy boyfriends turn into lazy husbands and they turn into lazy fathers, finally turning into bitter lazy ex-husbands.

If you cannot get this sorted soon, you need to have a long term think about your life.

I don't see why it is something I have to learn to live with, though. He never used to be like this so I don't understand why he can't go back to being the person I moved in with I know things sometimes slide a bit when you live with someone for a while but not this much!

I just don't understand it. It first started when he got a new temp. contract last November and I understood why he was sluggish at home, because he was commuting a ridiculous ammount. But I don't understand why he's still like it because he's been in a new job for 3 months now & it's really close to where we live, barely any commute at all.

CharlieRabbit01

Have you considered that there may be an underlying reason for why this has suddenly happened?

Some men can be very secretive about things that are bothering them and the loved ones in their lives have to recognise those signs and see if there is a way to get their partner to speak up about what is bothering them.

How long have you been together?

May I also ask why you have had to "work hard" at your relationship?