My younger sister is terminally ill. I don't know what to do. Am lost actually.

System

You will find your strength from somewhere and be a stronger person because of it. Many hugs.

Georgiegirl256

Sounds like you are really going through it at the moment. Somehow you just manage to find the strength to cope from somewhere, I don't know how, you just do.

Sorry to hear about your Mum and your BIL too Sending you a big hug, it sounds like you could do with one right now. xx

mumcoll

Spend as much time as you can (and your sister wants) together. During my sister's last days of lucidity, we still laughed about stuff we'd done as kids. Her memories were still as sharp as ever, even though she was unconscious just some hours later.

Lots of hugs to you and your family. xx

Artytarty

I'm so sad for you, it breaks my heart to think of one of my girls losing the other one someday. I'm glad you and your sister are getting to spend time together, oven ever been in that position. Life just seems to be heaping it on at the moment for you.

meritaten

I am so sorry about your sister. and you sound in a bit of a state too.
You do realise that Macmillan and other charities are not just for the cancer patient? I know for a fact that support for other family members is out there too.

This is an excellent small charity which operates a 24hr phone line so that you can talk to someone - the volunteers either have had cancer or had someone close to them suffer cancer. you can find them on
www.cancercareline.co.uk and their phone number is 01495 221660.

if you do go on the website don't be put off if you don't live locally - the phone line is open to everyone - I know they have had calls from all over the country and overseas. (I used to both work and volunteer for them).

macmillan can also put you in touch with support groups near to you. there are hundreds up and down the country. you may find it easier to cope if you can talk to people who really understand what you are going through.

I am also on here most evenings - feel free to PM me if you wish - I will try to help.

June_Cambridge

So sorry to hear what your going through. I have terminal cancer and my family do know that I have cancer but not the full extent. I don't want to discuss my condition with my loved ones, I know they love me as I do them but I don't want them to be upset as that would upset me greatly, I'm crying just thinking about it. I live 3 hours away from them and if they knew the full extent of my condition they would feel they needed visit/see me more often. They all work and have families to look after and I want them to get on with their lives. I have a really supportive and close network of friends that I see/talk to every day, we say what we like and make jokes about my condition, it's the way I want to deal with it. I sometimes find it hard work trying not to say something that will upset those that care about me which will in turn upset me. We all deal with emotional issues differently and I'm sure your sister loves you dearly but maybe she feels she wouldn't be able to deal with your grief as well as her own

thorsoak

June - you are being very, very brave - but please don't shut your family out completely. Your friends are obviously a great support to you and that is wonderful. Just give them the facts - tell them that they will support you best by getting on with their lives - but please, let them know. Promise them that if and when you really need them, you will contact them - and, most importantly, be kind to yourself - if there ever is a time that you can be truly selfish, it is now. {{hugs}}

meritaten

I was going to say that what the OP sees as 'denial' could be the sister trying to spare them pain. I have seen it before. terminal patients trying to appear normal in front of family - because they think they are sparing them pain.
I have also seen patients 'milk' it for all they are worth.
Some people cannot cope with relatives grief before they have gone - and do anything to avoid it. even to appear to deny anything is wrong.
its hard to cope with these reactions as a relative. all you can do sometimes is 'BE there'! to gently ask if they want to talk and don't cry all over them! most of my clients said that was really hard for them to cope with.

meritaten

I so admire my cousin - he has had various health problems in the last few years and he lives mainly in Thailand. He came back to check his diagnosis and does have testicular cancer and has about another year to live. he wants to die in Thailand and says that they can treat him just as well over there as here. I suspect its more to do with his wife having her family to support him and her through it. his mother is a bit of a cold fish emotionally and his wife is lovely. but over here she would get no support - not that we wouldn't want to - but he lives mostly there and we don't know her very well. so most of the family don't know he is ill - and those that do don't know its terminal. I know because we were close friends as kids and I caught him at an emotional time. I haven't told anyone apart from another cousin who was close. it is my cousins choice to die out there, where he feels more loved than over here. I understand why he doesn't want people to know - he may well be well enough to visit in the next year. but I can just imagine the anger of people finding out we knew he was terminal and not telling them. I haven't even told my mother and she was like a second mum to him - he was insistent I don't tell her.
People cope with their illness in different ways - its the family who have to deal with it.

Georgiegirl256

Bless you June. You're dealing with it in your own way, the way you see fit, and I can totally understand where you are coming from.

My cousin has bowel cancer, and the only people he has told is his family. He hasn't told his friends, colleagues, etc, and that too is his way of dealing with things. He's told me that when I see him, he doesn't want any tears, any poor Tony remarks, he wants people to laugh, have a joke, carry on like normal. That's why he hasn't told many people. If things progress and get worse, then might be the time to mention it, but at the moment, it's on a need to know basis.

Sending you all my best wishes x

Also, to the OP, remember stay strong x