My younger sister is terminally ill. I don't know what to do. Am lost actually.

zzzLazyDaisy

melanzana wrote: »

Tell them that you love them.

Do not delay things that you really want to do.
.

This is what I learned from my little sister's short life and untimely death....

If you love someone tell them - often - don't take it for granted that they know, or leave them to wonder or doubt, tell them.

Don't delay doing the things you really want to do - if you get an opportunity say 'yes' - don't assume there is 'always tomorrow', there might not be.

It was thanks to my little sister that I left a marriage that wasn't working and travelled the world, did things that she was never able to do, experienced things she was never able to experience, said 'yes' to things she wasn't able to say 'yes' to, and stopping often and saying 'this is for you sis'.

I'm disabled now, and my world has got smaller, but thanks to my little sister, I experienced a whole lifetime of experiences in the years following her passing. Without her, I might still have been saying 'there's always tomorrow' when that car ploughed into mine....

Get out and live your life while you can :-)

Dx

melanzana

To those of you who may still be reading the thread....

Both OH brother's and my sister's funerals have now been held within two days of each. What an emotional week.

I am so surprised at how calm we all are.

Maybe a lot of the grieving was done before sis died. I dunno.

Has anyone any experience of this totally calm and unreal feeling following a devastating loss?

Thanks.

langold

hi melanza i lost my brother and mum within 2 years of each other , i found after the funerals their was a great sense of calm it felt like peace had finally settled like they were both at peace if you know what i mean, sorry for your loss's

melanzana

langold, thank you..

I haven't thanked any posts because I'm sure I would forget someone, that's the only reason, but I thank you all.

Sincerely.

Mayflower10cat

melanzana wrote: »

Both OH brother's and my sister's funerals have now been held within two days of each. What an emotional week.

I am so surprised at how calm we all are.

Maybe a lot of the grieving was done before sis died. I dunno.

Has anyone any experience of this totally calm and unreal feeling following a devastating loss?

Thanks.

Dear Cyber friend, I'm saddened to read of your losses and cannot imagine how dreadful it must be to lose a sibling.

The slightly strange, calm feeling I can empathise with; I think you're probably right that so much emotion and grief has already been expressed that there's a sort of quietness and clarity in your mind now.

After a dear friend died, we'd been very close in the last year of her life (she'd shared her thoughts and fears with me more so than her family, whom she didn't want to burden) I felt this almost unnatural calm. I'd shed tears privately but never with her, I'd let her cry on me and been as strong as I could for her. After she died I felt like I'd 'done what I had to do' and my task was over; I missed her dreadfully but knew that I couldn't have done any more for her. I knew her pain was over and that in her faith, she was in a better place. This helped me to cope.

I hope that you find hearts-ease and can remember your sister with love, more than with pain.

Gentle hugs
Cheryl

whichwhydoIturn

My darling mum was fitting fit 3weeks ago . 2 weeks ago , she developed jaundice & after tests , the doctors told my sisters & brother in law Mum had cancer in liver & pancreas & something they're not sure what in her lung
It's inoperable
I want to scream n punch n cry I want to swear
I want to hug my mum so nothing will hurt her ,laugh with her & for it to never stop .
I don't know how to feel , what to do .what to say I walk away when I need to cry , she's having a stent put in to drain the build up tomorrow , then home
I'm so so angry .. Doesn't help I live on my own as I can't rant to anyone
She's so cheerful, we haven't told her , as when we tried she didn't want to talk & changed the subject
Big hug to everyone who needs one
XXXXXX

thorsoak

I'm sending all who need them {{hugs}}. I lost my darling OH to pancreatic cancer on 19th January 2011 - and there isn't a day that goes by without me wishing him back with me - don't get me wrong - I wouldn't want him to be beside me suffering the way he did in the nine weeks from the time we received the diagnosis to the day he died - but I would give all the stars in the sky to have him back with me, whole and well, for just one day.

I do understand how hard it is - to accept that a loved one has gone, and wondering just how the world is still going about its business when your world has just been turned upside down and inside out. But you can and do cope - don't ask me how - I don't know. When people ask me how I'm doing, I say I'm getting there - I don't know where "there" might be - but I am doing my best to enjoy the journey.

It's what my beloved would want. xxx

meritaten

melanzana wrote: »

To those of you who may still be reading the thread....

Both OH brother's and my sister's funerals have now been held within two days of each. What an emotional week.

I am so surprised at how calm we all are.

Maybe a lot of the grieving was done before sis died. I dunno.

Has anyone any experience of this totally calm and unreal feeling following a devastating loss?

Thanks.

Yes - it enables you to 'get through it'. the 'real' grief can be in months ahead, when it slowly sinks in that they really are gone.
there are stages of grief and numbness is one of them.

mel hun - even though your sister is gone now, don't think the charities I told you about would abandon you. if you need to talk about sis, then ring them. or post on here. whatever you do don't 'bottle it up' and try to struggle on, on your own. you are also coping with your OHs grief - and may find you can grieve together - you may also find yourselves at different stages of the grieving process........never be afraid to ask for help. or if you just want to remember her and the good and bad times.

summerof0763

am so sorry for your loss,
I must confess I tell my two children who are 30/28 that I love them, every day, and ask each daughter to tell grandkids nana loves you every day, as life is so fragile and short and I need my kids/grandkids to know I love them, x