Needy mother

red_devil

Pixiechic wrote: »

So, red devil is advising something that they themselves don't seem to be offering in terms of care.

Red devil says themselves that they don't live close, so why advise the OP to do something that you are obviously not prepared to do yourself in terms of care for your father?

dont know what you mean he dosent need caring for he is ok at the moment.

red_devil

elantan wrote: »

Many people also cite their mother as a source of pain and unhappiness ... Not everyone has a great childhood

nobody's childhood is perfect but there is no-one like your mother.

Pixiechic

red_devil wrote: »

dont know what you mean he dosent need caring for he is ok at the moment.

That's good but if your Father did need care, it sounds like it would be down to your siblings to sort out as you have already mentioned.

elantan

red_devil wrote: »

nobody's childhood is perfect but there is no-one like your mother.

And sometimes that is a great thing ... I know I am greatful that there is no one else like my mother ... Wouldn't want anyone else to suffer

mummy86_2

Hi, I haven't read the other comments but heres my advice,

This sounds like my nan she's the same to my aunty. She calls her saying why cant i live with you etc etc. She has depression and been diagnosed with early dementia.

I would say try and get your mum to see a GP as they could possibly help. It sounds like anxiety? Maybe try and get her to go to a local group or a tea room or something to make new friends to keep her busy? I understand how you feel about resenting her but if she's lonely you can understand it. Maybe sit her down and explain that you have a busy life and its your life and you need to live it for you and she needs to understand and respect that, it doesn't mean you don't love her or don't want to see her.

Hope that helps x

gwen80

red_devil wrote: »

dont know what you mean he dosent need caring for he is ok at the moment.

Neither does my Mum...

Pixiechic wrote: »

That's good but if your Father did need care, it sounds like it would be down to your siblings to sort out as you have already mentioned.

Exactly. Do as I say, not do as I do.

mummy86 wrote: »

Hi, I haven't read the other comments but heres my advice,

This sounds like my nan she's the same to my aunty. She calls her saying why cant i live with you etc etc. She has depression and been diagnosed with early dementia.

I would say try and get your mum to see a GP as they could possibly help. It sounds like anxiety? Maybe try and get her to go to a local group or a tea room or something to make new friends to keep her busy? I understand how you feel about resenting her but if she's lonely you can understand it. Maybe sit her down and explain that you have a busy life and its your life and you need to live it for you and she needs to understand and respect that, it doesn't mean you don't love her or don't want to see her.

Hope that helps x

I've encouraged my Mum to do all sorts...there's usually some excuse. I can't do anymore. I can understand her being lonely, but I don't think that automatically makes the loneliness my responsibility. I live alone as well, sometimes I feel lonely, but I have to deal with it. I've had many conversations about how I need to have my own life. She agrees, but when it comes down to it I think she would ultimately prefer I lived round the corner and she saw me all the time.

happyhaddock_2

red_devil wrote: »

nobody's childhood is perfect but there is no-one like your mother.

Thank goodness! Wouldn't wish mine on anyone

gwen80

Just thought I'd update this. Called my Mum last night, had a chat about a few things, people she'd called, a friend I'd met up with yesterday etc. Then I said 'What have you been doing?' She said 'Just reading a book' and sounded a bit miserable. Now normally my reaction would have been 'Oh you should go out and do something, what about this, what about that...' This time I said 'Oh that sounds nice'. I'm sick of trying to get her to go out so I'm not going to anymore. If she wants to sit in, that's up to her and I'm going to work really hard on not feeling bad for going out and having my own life.

Gwenx

Own_My_Own

gwen80 wrote: »

Just thought I'd update this. Called my Mum last night, had a chat about a few things, people she'd called, a friend I'd met up with yesterday etc. Then I said 'What have you been doing?' She said 'Just reading a book' and sounded a bit miserable. Now normally my reaction would have been 'Oh you should go out and do something, what about this, what about that...' This time I said 'Oh that sounds nice'. I'm sick of trying to get her to go out so I'm not going to anymore. If she wants to sit in, that's up to her and I'm going to work really hard on not feeling bad for going out and having my own life.

Gwenx

Well done. xxx

red_devil

Pixiechic wrote: »

That's good but if your Father did need care, it sounds like it would be down to your siblings to sort out as you have already mentioned.

no we would all talk and discuss and come up with the best thing.