Am I being over sensitive?

tea_lover

Ruby_woo wrote: »

Another example is that if I'm shopping and I see face wipes on offer I get them and send them over but maybe I'm doing too much. She does say thank you if I ask her if she got them if I have sent them with ds but just doesn't come forward with thanks.

Maybe?! I would say you're definitely doing too much. I'm not suggesting you start ignoring her of course, but you really are going above and beyond. Including her in meals out/christmas and a token present is plenty imo. They're 17 - harsh as it sounds there's a very good chance your son won't even remember this girl's name in 10 years.

Orlando_Virgin

Ruby_woo wrote: »

Orlando, yes I will be your second mum lol.

The things is I honestly don't mind doing it, all I would like is a bit of appreciation.

Ds said she couldn't get a card or present as she had no money but I mean it when I said a fridge magnet would have been more than enough xxx

That's not the point, she could have made you a card or small gift, sounds like you would have been happy with just the thought.

That being said, make your point and stop with the OTT nice stuff for now, because it sounds like she will just keep taking advantage.

shays_mum

Ok you need to stop with the sending of stuff over etc, put your energies towards people who would appreciate your thoughts & kindness!

If my mil was like you, i would give her the earth, moon & the stars wrapped up on a silver platter!.

paulineb_2

The thing is, you are spending this money on her willingly. I think if you do good deeds for someone you should do it without expecting anything in return. Thats not to say she shouldnt have bought you a card, but sometimes people are thoughtless at that age. I dont think of myself as a thoughtless person but Im sure I value people in my life a lot more now than I did at 18.

The thing is, you can get yourself upset about not having one card. But Im not sure its worth upsetting yourself over. My family do cards sporadically, always presents but not always cards, I dont see the point of chopping down a tree so someone can send me a card, but by the same token I do have cards that have value to me, such as ones from my gran who is no longer here.

Yes, maybe you are doing too much and maybe its time to reign it in a bit. For your sake more than anything.

I also remember being 18 or 19 and having a bf and putting his name on the card I sent, it was just the done thing, I wouldnt see it as any huge deal.

But the real issue I think in all of this is, whether your son and this girl are happy, whether she treats him well.

I had an ex who was always at my house because his family were a bit odd and didnt really like people who werent family there, at all.
He was cooked for, treated as part of the family, bought presents, he did get my mum stuff in return, but she wouldnt have bothered if he hadnt.

How you feel is how you feel and if you dont think you are getting enough appreciation, well as I said, maybe you close the purse strings for a while and spend it on yourself or other people.

burnoutbabe

But she did get you a card, she signed the one your son sent you? I definately don't get my MIL a seperate card or present, its a joint one to her from both of us (and i don't contribute as such as i pay for the ones to my folks)

thatlemming

I wish you were my boyfriends mum! You sound lovely. Mine just likes to pretend I don't exist lol

Orlando_Virgin

paulineb wrote: »

The thing is, you are spending this money on her willingly. I think if you do good deeds for someone you should do it without expecting anything in return. Thats not to say she shouldnt have bought you a card, but sometimes people are thoughtless at that age. I dont think of myself as a thoughtless person but Im sure I value people in my life a lot more now than I did at 18.

Yeah that's a great point. I bet I'd cringe at how thoughtless and selfish I was at 18. I barely helped with the housework and only every worried about was drinking and girls.

Bazey

Haven't got time to read the whole thread, so sorry if this has already been said.

Most couples would do a "joint card" or present, so did your son give you a card or present? It could be a case of not being the girlfriend's fault at all, but your fault as a parent. You've clearly failed and only got yourself to blame.

HTH

thistledome

Ruby_woo wrote: »

Oh yes ds bought me a card and present and when he wrote it he put her name on it. He bought me some perfume. Ds does treat her very well and always treating her lol. She says he treats her like a princess xxx

Is it possible that she could have asked your son what to get you and he said, "no need, I'll send a card and pressie from both of us".?

She sounds a bit self-centred and ill-mannered, but tbh I must have come across like that at her age - our house was a bit of a free-for-all and if you wanted something you had to help yourself.

I do think you are doing too much for her though. You're in danger of becoming a door-mat in my opinion. Keeping her meals hot and what-not. No wonder she acts like a princess!

I always feel a bit awkward when people ask if their feelings are unreasonable or not. You can't help how you feel. If you feel like that then it's irrelevant to ask other people if it's valid or not. JMHO, of course.

miss_independent

Bazey wrote: »

Haven't got time to read the whole thread, so sorry if this has already been said.

Most couples would do a "joint card" or present, so did your son give you a card or present? It could be a case of not being the girlfriend's fault at all, but your fault as a parent. You've clearly failed and only got yourself to blame.

HTH

I disagree with this ...

It's not like they are an adult couple who are living together and buying out of a shared income.

I personally would have got RubyWoo a "Someone who is Just Like A Mum To Me" card as well and at least a bunch of flowers at that age.

RubyWoo, you are lovely, please don't change. Stay kind and thoughtful. But don't be a mug!

She's probably never been taught how to clean. She's going to get a shock one day!