Am I being over sensitive?

Ruby_woo

............

Artytarty

Hmmm, I'm sorry she ignored your birthday but she sounds like a bit of a taker to me. My daughters don't live ear me and their bfs Mothers are very good to them, birthdays, trips etc. they always give small Xmas pressies in return and the odd bottle of wine etc. it's just thoughtless not to.
Does your son know how you feel?
Te only defence I can think of is that they are both quite young and maybe a bit immature. Se has had so much done for her , it just seems normal now?
And she doesn't help in the house? man alive! No wonder she
likes coming round so much.
Why are you trying so hard with her? I'm not suggesting being rude but maybe don't be so generous.

duchy

Maybe the reason she doesn't get on well with her Mum and step Dad is because she never lifts a finger or shows appreciation there either ?

Have you asked her to do stuff -In my home visitors are never asked - but I happily accept if it is offered -but if you feel she's more like family than a visitor then give her something to do.

Have you spoken to your son about this ? Does HE do his chores and lend a hand when she is there ? More so or less so when she isn't there ?

Orlando_Virgin

Personally, I think you're completely entitled to feel that way, you sound like you have been superb with her and it would be completely natural to at least receive a bit of thought and at least a card in return.

My only defence for her and your son to some degree is that they are still very long and perhaps probably a little bit thoughtless/selfish/immature at their age.

I think you've every right to feel a little bit disappointed though, I do.

tea_lover

I'd be narked about that too. It may well be that she just hasn't been brought up to give as well as receive, but it would irritate me.

SavingPennies_2

As a guest I wouldn't really expect her to do chores, except maybe take her dishes to the kitchen after tea but not things like hoovering and cleaning.

Not buying you a card sounds more like thoughtlessness as you get on well but its understandable youre upset. Did she know it was you birthday? I didn't get my oh mum a card a while back as he never mentioned it to me that it was her birthday and she's not my mum so how would I know when it is? I did feel bad though.

He did she respond when she came round and saw your other cards, dismissive or apologetic? That might tell you something.

Brighton_belle

I wonder if it's because she hasn't been taught how to be thoughtful: it doesn't come naturally to everyone.
I wonder if her own family aren't very loving or kind, it just didn't occur to her that you might appreciate a bit of valuing, as though 'who is she to think you might value a card from her' sort of thing.

Does your son show his appreciation of how you treat him or his girlfriend? if yes, I wonder if he could start teaching her how it's done?

Gigglepig

I would be dissapointed too but lots of teenagers are quite selfish and it probably isn't worth being worked up about.

Is it possible that she sees herself as a guest rather than family member, and therefore does not help with chores while at yours? Not all parents require the same amount of chores so it could also be different parenting styles/house rules.

It seems a bit too full on IMO with these quite expensive presents for a young girlfriend? she is not a fiancee, wife or someone in a long term relationship... At 17, why she be that bothered with
"MIL"/"FIL" ... I'd suggest taling a step back and just leaving them to it.

Also, sadly, some people are raised to be "receivers" not "givers" and from your description of the mum perhaps thatis the case? That being said not all parents act as taxi service to kids that are old enough to get the bus/train - it could just be a difference in parenting style.

tesuhoha

I think if you 'forgot' to buy her a present or card for her next birthday/Christmas, you would soon be receiving them from her.

pmlindyloo

To be honest there is not a lot you can do to change the situation unless you all stop doing things for her and spending money on her. I am sure you won't do that as you sound too nice!

Did your son give you a card/pressie and put her name on them? Perhaps she asked your son what she should do and he said 'don't worry about it, mum won't expect anything'.

She is very young and from the sounds of things doesn't seem to have had any 'guiding hands' from her family. Some families just don't 'do' presents etc.

I do know how you feel but I am a great believer in not doing things to expect something back in return.

Perhaps she still feels a bit of a visitor when she comes to yours especially if you are 'running round' making things nice.

Why not ask her to help. 'Can you give me a hand with........' type of thing.

Be pleased that she is a lovely girl and hope that your good manners will eventually 'rub off' on her.

Now breathe................ and count your blessings!

balletshoes

Maybe she just doesnt do birthday cards or pressies, for any adults? Maybe she wasnt brought up to give cards and pressies to adults in her family so thats normal for her? If you are someone who treasures and really appreciates a card for your birthday and thats why you are upset maybe mention it quietly to your son. son may then want to tell his gf that you like a card for your special day.

i,m not you and i wouldnt be bothered but cards are not my thing.