DS GF staying over.... advice.

meritaten

I haven't read all the thread so apologies if this has been said before - but, I assume your son knows your views on premarital sex and respects them. Therefore he knows his GF will be just 'sleeping over' rather than sleeping with him.
Having brought up two boys (both now young men with families), I preferred them to bring their GFs home with them rather than worry about how the girls are getting home (and then worry about the sons getting home afterwards). my sons did bring girls back to just sleep over, but always asked if they could have serious GFs to sleep with them. (sounds a bit strange I know, but if the relationship had progressed to sleeping together I preferred to them to be safe under my roof).
The girls who just 'slept over' tended to be friends who were stuck for lifts etcs and had difficulty getting home. I trusted both my sons in this and they never once let me down! (I would have known as I am a very light sleeper).

pigpen

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

:rotfl: No ... but I felt that particular group were unlikely to have an orgy in the tent, or pressurise each other to do anything I'd have been unhappy about.

DD2 had 2 female and 1 male friend stay over a couple of times, so you aren't the only one.. I actually think the male friend is a bigger girl than all 3 of the girls are.. I think they spent most of the night giggling like hyenas! There was nothing going on here either.. apart from a hypo (one friend has diabetes) and a fair bit of eating judging by the state of the kitchen they were made to tidy before leaving!

hardpressed

I do get the 'my house my rules' but at the same time it is your son's home and he should be able to invite his friends to visit and stay over. He's being very mature in asking you and saying he'll sleep on the sofa. If they were up to no good he could have kept quiet then just sneaked his GF in or bought her back after the party and said she couldn't get home and you'd have had no choice. Make her welcome, she could turn out to be your future daughter-in-law. He shares your religious beliefs trust him to keep them.

gt568

You should let the girl stay. Your son will grow to resent your oppression if you don't. Far better to trust him to not rut her in the house if thats what your rules say...And you can keep a sneaky beady on what they're up to....

CH27

Let her stay. Show your son his girlfiends & friends are welcome at your house.
IMO it's better to have them round & to be aware of who is who than his girlfriends be strangers to you.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If she gets raped on the way home would you object to her marrying your son on the grounds that she isn't a virgin and has had sex before marriage?

I really love Catholics and their very odd views on the world.

securityguy

Valli wrote: »

This is the point I am trying to make, albeit rather clumsily.

I suspect I was the one being clumsy.

There are endless threads on MSE, Mumsnet and elsewhere in which middle-aged women (usually) lament how their sons (usually) don't come to see them often enough, and exclude them from the lives of their grandchildren. Children-in-law are usually blamed.

There are endless threads in the same places in which mothers (always) outline the various ways they make sure their pure children never have sex in the family house, insisting on bizarre sleeping arrangements to prevent this, even at the expense of being wildly inhospitable to their children's friends and partners.

I suspect there's a correlation.

Spirit_2

In similar circumstances we welcomed our DD's bf staying over as the social opportunities it enabled enhanced her life and made her happy.

She had had many gf sleep overs, as we live out in the sticks parental round trips of 30-50 miles were the alternative.

When it comes to specifically sharing a room and i can understand it being a bit of a dilemma, it is a bit different , but for facilitating a night out I suggest just go with the flow and help them have a lovely evening.

krlyr

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

If she gets raped on the way home would you object to her marrying your son on the grounds that she isn't a virgin and has had sex before marriage?

I really love Catholics and their very odd views on the world.

Why would that be OP's responsibility, more than the girl's own mum?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

krlyr wrote: »

Why would that be OP's responsibility, more than the girl's own mum?

We all have a degree of responsibility to others we interact with, but I was not asking that. I was asking if she would object to her son marrying her if it happens.