DS GF staying over.... advice.

Person_one

I'd just book them a hotel room.

If he genuinely does believe deeply in no sex before marriage, then they won't have sex no matter how many opportunities they have.

If it turns out he doesn't actually believe that strongly, and they have sex, well, they are 17, nearly 18, its not exactly shocking! I take it you've discussed safe sex and contraception as well as catholicism, just in case...

NAR

Dunroamin wrote: »

Actually, the comment about the husband isn't totally accurate as he seems to be assuming that they'll have sex rather than trusting that they won't.

OP stated "The situation is no issue to my oh as he says 'better for them to be here than on the streets' etc." in post #1.

Maybe my comment isn't totally accurate, but bit of a leap on your part to insinuate he thinks sex will be involved!

Buick

Your son's girlfriend may pick up on your awkwardness or resentment if she does stay over, and that wouldn't be fair on her.

If you're not comfortable with the situation, they need to make other arrangements.

Dunroamin

NAR wrote: »

OP stated "The situation is no issue to my oh as he says 'better for them to be here than on the streets' etc." in post #1.

Maybe my comment isn't totally accurate, but bit of a leap on your part to insinuate he thinks sex will be involved!

It's the sort of thing some people say, "better to be doing it in comfort at home rather than under a tree somewhere!"

A bit of a jump, perhaps, but not that big.

Mojisola

brians_daughter wrote: »

I know its 'my house my rules' but I don't want DS to think I don't trust him, and I don't want to make a big deal out of this. But as I say, I am uncomfortable with the entire situation.

The situation is no issue to my oh as he says 'better for them to be here than on the streets' etc.

I think the issue lies with the fact we attend Church (DS and I, oh and the other DD/DS's don't as they don't buy into religion - fine, their choice) Both DS and I take our faith seriously, and TBH GF's/BF stopping over aren't part of the faith we believe in...

Having GFs/BFs staying over isn't against your faith - sex before marriage is.

I think you need to sort out in your mind just what you are anxious about - you don't know the girl, you don't trust your son not to have sex, you're having trouble getting used to your "child" becoming an adult and so on.

If it's because you don't know her - invite her to visit before she stays over so that you can get to know her.

If it's because you don't trust your son, you're probably just going to have to live with that. He's becoming an adult and will be making his own decisions about his life. You can insist on a "no sex" rule at home but that won't stop him having intercourse if that's the choice he's made.

pigpen

I understand the 'my house my rules' but those are your rules and DS might just not agree, he may well not want your faith to be part of his life and not interested in abstaining until marriage etc.. where there's a willy there's a way! ..

Do you have a baby monitor you could hook up as a deterrent if your trust in your sons ability to keep his worm to himself is so low?

DD1 never had anyone stay over and DS1 was 17 before he had a girl stay over.. TBF she was already pregnant so whatever they got up to wouldn't have made one jot of difference.

In my house, she'd get the sofa and a duvet and he'd get an ear chewing about what I expect. He'd already have the condoms

silvercar

If your faith is important to you, I assume you want to encourage your son as much as possible to make your faith an important part of his life. Make sure that your actions don't end up pushing your son away from his faith.

Ich_2

So what do your beliefs say about helping others and hospitality?
You seem happy to ignore those parts of the religious world.

I can't help but think that your reasons for not wanting her to stay are nothing to do with religion, but you see it as a valid excuse to cover the truth

tayforth

I've only read the first few replies, so apologies if this has already been covered:

Why won't the girl's mother give her £30 for a taxi home? How on earth does she expect her daughter to get home? This really is baffling.


Could the two of them not scrape together £30?


If not, I think that you should let her stay, tbh. And don't worry about them having sex in your house. Trust me - NOTHING would have persuaded me to have sex in the same house as my parents at 17!!! :eek: If they're going to have sex, they'll find a way and a place to do it, but it's highly unlikely that it'll be in your house - at least while you're there. I don't see the problem, I really don't. Your son seems like a nice, mature person and you should trust him.


If you really don't want her to stay, you or your OH could drive her home - it won't cost £30 in fuel if a taxi is £30.


Maybe you should broach the subject of sex (and your expectations) with your son, this could be a good opportunity to do so.

NAR

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's the sort of thing some people say, "better to be doing it in comfort at home rather than under a tree somewhere!"

A bit of a jump, perhaps, but not that big.

And had OP had said "doing it" I would have agreed with you, but it was your dirty mind that made that leap! :rotfl: :rotfl: