DS GF staying over.... advice.

Valli

FWIW

My DS is 19 now. He has had two GFs stay over. Both have been regular relationships but my rationale is...

They are going to 'do' whatever
I would rather they 'did' whatever in a safe environment, where they are not hurried (and therefore make 'bad' decisions re contraception).

But then I have always welcomed their friends here anyway; if it's a mealtime they will be invited to join us.

BUT if it's a step too far then you need to tell the kids that it's a step too far. Your house; your rules. You should not feel the need to justify your decisions!

Mind you I also handed over condoms. And I got 'You're not suppposed to do that' and he got 'Just tell me if you need any more...'

inkie

GF in your son's room. Your hubby and your son in your room. You on sofa?

balletshoes

inkie wrote: »

GF in your son's room. Your hubby and your son in your room. You on sofa?

all of the people who are suggesting this shifting around of occupants of the house for the night, and seriously suggesting that a 17-year old sleeps in his parents room with one or other of his parents, or even on the floor of his parents room - really? I mean really :eek:?

What kind of message is that sending to the son, never mind his girlfriend, who only really knows the son? If you were the girl, and were informed of this set-up, wouldn't you think that was really weird? Not to mention the poor lad, who would be mortified and would probably never want to invite anyone to his parents' home ever again!

tayforth

balletshoes wrote: »

all of the people who are suggesting this shifting around of occupants of the house for the night, and seriously suggesting that a 17-year old sleeps in his parents room with one or other of his parents, or even on the floor of his parents room - really? I mean really :eek:?

What kind of message is that sending to the son, never mind his girlfriend, who only really knows the son? If you were the girl, and were informed of this set-up, wouldn't you think that was really weird? Not to mention the poor lad, who would be mortified and would probably never want to invite anyone to his parents' home ever again!

I think that inkie was joking.

Zazen999

:money:

inkie wrote: »

GF in your son's room. Your hubby and your son in your room. You on sofa?

Or just...what the son suggested.

Ich_2

who only really knows the son?

I was reading the OP and an early reply and thinking about that.

Why does the OP seem to know so little about the GF, it sounds as there has been little attempt to get to know her by the family or is it that the son hasn't wanted to take her home for some reason? Seems odd!

balletshoes

tayforth wrote: »

I think that inkie was joking.

inkie's not the only one on this thread who has mentioned it though.

securityguy

Valli wrote: »

Your house; your rules. You should not fell the need to justify your decisions!

You can set your own rules in your own house. You don't have to explain them. But people don't have to visit, either.

miss_independent

Not to be rude but the more I think about it....

My parents, as religious as they are, have always been very open and encouraging of me bringing boyfriends home to meet them. Have you encouraged your DS to bring her home? Have you tried to build a relationship up with her? He obviously feels he can bring her back?

Maybe chances are slim but what if he did end up marrying this girl? Wouldn't you want to give a good impression to a future daughter in law. Most people who wait for marriage, marry pretty young... Or is it that you don't want him having a GF at all.

The way I understand it, Chastity teaching still encourages courtship...getting to know the family etc.

My parents wanted me to wait but also wanted me to enjoy a loving, healthy relationship one day too and would have made an effort to know who I was dating.

Be careful you don't push your son away.

Valli

securityguy wrote: »

You can set your own rules in your own house. You don't have to explain them. But people don't have to visit, either.

This is the point I am trying to make, albeit rather clumsily.

And no; no-one has to visit. You're quite right - if someone cannot agree with or abide by your rules then they don't have to visit - and if they can't accept your restrictions, whatever they are, then it's probably best they don't visit!

It's one of the advantages of no longer having Mr Valli (as was) in residence. Because he wasn't the most welcoming of hosts. As far as I'm concerned all the kid's friends are welcome here, for as long as they choose to stay.