Insecure and need help

Netwizard

Wait for the counselling before giving up on the relationship.

Personally I cant believe you would throw a good relationship down the pan because of this. Does he have any other female friends? What if he was texting them too?

Any guy you get with is likely to have male and female friends, so if you dont get help for this insecurity, its going to be a vicious circle and this will happen again

Anoneemoose

Netwizard wrote: »

Wait for the counselling before giving up on the relationship.

Personally I cant believe you would throw a good relationship down the pan because of this. Does he have any other female friends? What if he was texting them too?

Any guy you get with is likely to have male and female friends, so if you dont get help for this insecurity, its going to be a vicious circle and this will happen again

No he doesn't have any other female friends. Only a friend that he had that was like a sister to him that we both were close to but we don't see her much anymore, not for any reason, just one of those things.

He doesn't really contact his male friends anymore either.

I know you probably think I'm a bit of a fruit loop (lol) but as I have explained before, this is completely new for our relationship and the relationship changed before I made an issue of it IYSWIM? That's why I made an issue of it.

I also might come across as being needy but honestly, hand on heart, I have never ever in this relationship been like this before. I had the normal body insecurities after children but they melted away after a while. (Maybe not fully which is why I am feeling rubbish now too).

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

He had a short text conversation again last night. Waited until i'd gone in the kitchen and when I went back in the room, he was doing it so I asked if it was her, cos he doesn't really text anyone else out of work.

He was also being loving to me last night though.

I am now seriously considering whether I can cope with this long term. Like I have said before, I don't think he would ever cheat but I think his friendship with her is too close for me to handle.

I have been on my own before and can certainly do it again so that is what I will concentrate on for now. Thanks again to everyone.

You are going to consider giving up your marriage because your husband is texting his boss in front of you?

Im actually speechless. This issue with the boss has come from your insecurities and youve been honest about that. But it could be anyone. What happens if you get through this and he then has another boss or another or another?

Im not married but I have a male friend who Ive known a long time, hes getting married this year. I would expect that if his gf said to him, dont you ever speak to Pauline again, hed have a few things to say about it.

Its healthy to have friendships whether they are same sex, of the opposite sex. It doesnt mean something is going on between the two people, it doesnt mean that the significant other is any less of a person.

People cant be and shouldnt be all things to all people. You cant live in a bubble where you only have you and him, because if you do and it does go wrong what then?

You could meet new friends, can you imagine if this was reversed and you had a friendship with a male boss and your husband was as upset as you are at the moment?

Youve transferred all your insecurities onto this woman and at some point unless you take a massive step back and dont read into things that arent going on, you might end up pushing your husband away.

Its not healthy to focus on one person like this. Im sure you know this already but I really do think you need to take a step back and realise that hes with you, he wants to be with you, hes probably very upset that he didnt get the job and maybe he doesnt feel like cuddling at the moment.

That doesnt mean he doesnt love you or want to be with you.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

You are going to consider giving up your marriage because your husband is texting his boss in front of you?

Im actually speechless. This issue with the boss has come from your insecurities and youve been honest about that. But it could be anyone. What happens if you get through this and he then has another boss or another or another?

Im not married but I have a male friend who Ive known a long time, hes getting married this year. I would expect that if his gf said to him, dont you ever speak to Pauline again, hed have a few things to say about it.

Its healthy to have friendships whether they are same sex, of the opposite sex. It doesnt mean something is going on between the two people, it doesnt mean that the significant other is any less of a person.

People cant be and shouldnt be all things to all people. You cant live in a bubble where you only have you and him, because if you do and it does go wrong what then?

You could meet new friends, can you imagine if this was reversed and you had a friendship with a male boss and your husband was as upset as you are at the moment?

Youve transferred all your insecurities onto this woman and at some point unless you take a massive step back and dont read into things that arent going on, you might end up pushing your husband away.

Its not healthy to focus on one person like this. Im sure you know this already but I really do think you need to take a step back and realise that hes with you, he wants to be with you, hes probably very upset that he didnt get the job and maybe he doesnt feel like cuddling at the moment.

That doesnt mean he doesnt love you or want to be with you.

I totally agree with what you say, as usual. However, it still doesn't change the fact that he can 'make the effort' for the boss to be friendly and appreciative, but not for me. Should I not be bothered about this either? Genuine question!

paulineb_2

Shes his boss, they have a different relationship. If he was grumpy with her it could have repercussions for him in the workplace.

He knows how you feel about this woman, he may feel uncomfortable about that and from previous postings when you raised your concerns with him, he was supportive towards you and reassured you that nothing was going on between them.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

Shes his boss, they have a different relationship. If he was grumpy with her it could have repercussions for him in the workplace.

He knows how you feel about this woman, he may feel uncomfortable about that and from previous postings when you raised your concerns with him, he was supportive towards you and reassured you that nothing was going on between them.

I think this goes beyond the 'being polite to keep my job'.

She has been around for 2 yrs and I have never had an issues until recently when their relationship became close. Yeah, he could have female friends, as he has had before and they have never bothered me.

It is the intensity of the relationship and the way he talks about her more etc, coupled with the fact, he has changed towards me that is getting to me.

Anoneemoose

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I think this goes beyond the 'being polite to keep my job'.

She has been around for 2 yrs and I have never had an issues until recently when their relationship became close. Yeah, he could have female friends, as he has had before and they have never bothered me.

It is the intensity of the relationship and the way he talks about her more etc, coupled with the fact, he has changed towards me that is getting to me.

Also, he has admitted they are 'good friends and close' and not just through work and maybe it is wrong of me to find that uncomfy, but I do.

paulineb_2

But he doesnt seem to have any other friends male or female at the moment and this would explain in some respects why you are focusing all your attention on her? Do you have a social support network or is it just very much you and him?

Its possible to be close friends with someone without there being another agenda going on.

In what ways has he changed?

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

But he doesnt seem to have any other friends male or female at the moment and this would explain in some respects why you are focusing all your attention on her? Do you have a social support network or is it just very much you and him?

Its possible to be close friends with someone without there being another agenda going on.

In what ways has he changed?

I have a few close friends that I see often.

He has changed in the for the whole 9 years of our relationship he has been "lovey dovey" and affectionate and this has reduced. This happened BEFORE my insecurities got a hold!

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I have a few close friends that I see often.

He has changed in the for the whole 9 years of our relationship he has been "lovey dovey" and affectionate and this has reduced. This happened BEFORE my insecurities got a hold!

Have you ever asked him why?