Insecure and need help

paulineb_2

But thats not worth losing a good marriage over. Seriously, you split and then you find out hes seeing someone else? How do you think that would make you feel.

And you could be wrong, very wrong about why your relationship has changed. People do go through phases where they maybe arent as affectionate, people get sick, tired, overworked, loads of reasons.

You dont see this relationship as positive and dare I say it, your negative feelings towards this friendship could mean you are viewing the world in a negative manner.

I know what its like to go through low spells, I have been there, but this is something that matters to you, but its possible that you are blowing this friendship right out of proportion.

And rather than split, talk to him, tell him how you feel, again and be honest about the fact you dont like the friendship with the boss, dont sugar coat it.

Hes not a mind reader, I bet he has no idea just how bad you are feeling about this.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

But thats not worth losing a good marriage over. Seriously, you split and then you find out hes seeing someone else? How do you think that would make you feel.

And you could be wrong, very wrong about why your relationship has changed. People do go through phases where they maybe arent as affectionate, people get sick, tired, overworked, loads of reasons.

You dont see this relationship as positive and dare I say it, your negative feelings towards this friendship could mean you are viewing the world in a negative manner.

I know what its like to go through low spells, I have been there, but this is something that matters to you, but its possible that you are blowing this friendship right out of proportion.

And rather than split, talk to him, tell him how you feel, again and be honest about the fact you dont like the friendship with the boss, dont sugar coat it.

Hes not a mind reader, I bet he has no idea just how bad you are feeling about this.

Thanks again Paulinb. I am sorry if I maybe come across disregarding of what you say, I can see how that might be the case but anything I have said has only been as an honest explanation of how I feel.

I do appreciate how you have taken time to explain things in such a way as makes me see it from an outsider's perspective.

Again, it is possible/probable that i am blowing this out of proportion and I promise I have spoken to him honestly (in fact I ended up with shoulder shaking sobs)! I know I can't (and wouldn't ever) ask him to not be friends with her so the only options are to get over myself or leave.

I know that sounds really bad and I am really hoping my counselling will help with this. I do see things negatively and of course this is probably shaped by my past. I suppose I am just abosultely petrified if being hurt.

paulineb_2

Lots of people are, including myself having been through some negative relationships, but you are with someone who loves you and wants to be with you. Hes with you. Not her.

You have other options apart from leaving which should be an absolute last resort if you are with someone who you loves and who loves you

We cant live in a happy bubble where everything goes ok all of the time in a relationship, you will hit bumps in the road along the way, its how you deal with them that matters.

Anoneemoose

We had a lovely meal out last night and it was not at all awkward. It was like old times.

I won't go into detail but there was ahem 'other stuff' too!!!!!

You would think that this would make me feel better and in a way, it really did because it was nice to relax and have fun together. However, I still feel so rubbish about myself I honestly find it so hard not to wonder why he wants to be with me. This thread has helped me realise that if I felt better about myself, I might not be as bothered about this friendship. I wonder why I have got like this. I was sooo sooo confident when we first got together. I had self esteem issues all my life really but before I met DH, I was a single parent to my son and I worked, had a good network of friends and great support. Although I had had rubbish relationships before, this time on my own was really good for me and helped me to learn to be good on my own.

Nothing DH has done has caused me to feel rubbish about myself so maybe I wasn't as 'fixed' as I thought I was!!!

Gosh, I really wish I didn't feel this way but if self esteem was a bank account I'd be so overdrawn, I'd be bankrupt!!!

Roll on this counselling. One day, I will be happy with me, it is my mission!

Anoneemoose

Just an update.

Had up and down times over the last week but mainly a lot better in the relationship. There was an incident which left me feeling really pants again but I keep telling myself it is me making a mountain of a molehill.

I went for my induction session for my counselling and it was really positive. The therapist suggested I may have body dysmorphia or something similar. He said this because (to simplify), what I see in the mirror impacts most of my life.

Anyway, he will get back in touch to arrange further apps but it will probably be 6 weeks or so. At least it is something positive to focus on.

Thanks again for everyone's help.x

Netwizard

Sounds like things are progressing nicely. Well done :j

marisco_2

It is good to hear that you are feeling more positive. I hope the counselling sessions will really help you