Insecure and need help

heartbreak_star

Ohhhh it sounds like your DH is wonderful! What a nice guy!

I am really, really glad you managed to sit down and talk and also that you've been back to the docs. Heard good things about CBT.

Good to hear you feel more upbeat now. Long may it continue!

HBS x

Anoneemoose

Got an appointment for 31st July for consultation to see which is the best therapy.

DH actually opened up today and told me he felt stressed which was good. (Not good that he feels stressed, just that he wanted me to help him by giving him a big cuddle)! He has been quite closed off recently and I have found this difficult as I feel I should be there to make him feel better.

Anyway, just updating as it is really helping me.xx

Anoneemoose

Just posting as it helps.

Have had a funny old week/end. I can't help being really uncomfy with the friendship between DH and the boss. He had his interview onf Fri and no sooner he phoned me to tell me how it went, he was on the phone to her straight after. Couldn't even wait til he was home. Same when he found out about the interview date/time. Txt her straightaway.

I wish I could be ok with this but, being truthful, at the moment, I am not. Roll on my counselling!!

jetplane

It's good that you can find an outlet on here and good that you are concentrating on yourself, use the counselling to stimulate your own self worth as opposed to expecting it to allay any fears though. Once you feel better about yourself you may see things differently.

It's also great that your husband reassures you and it may be that he has become too close to his boss, not in a romantic way, but if she is supporting him in his promotion through encouragement and advice then maybe he admires her.

I agree that you may feel uncomfortable that he was so keen to update her and maybe he could be a bit more tactful knowing that you feel insecure about her. How do you know he contacted her so quickly though?

I have worked closely with various colleagues on projects and it can become quite intense. During these times I have spent more hours one to one with a colleague than my husband and I am sure at times he has been sick of hearing someone elses name.

Sometimes we have met up with one or two of these colleagues at a later date and he has said - oh I never liked him I thought he fancied you. He probably means he didn't like it when I worked with him, so it did concern him but I didn't notice, I don't know if that says more about him than me.

Anoneemoose

jetplane wrote: »

It's good that you can find an outlet on here and good that you are concentrating on yourself, use the counselling to stimulate your own self worth as opposed to expecting it to allay any fears though. Once you feel better about yourself you may see things differently.

It's also great that your husband reassures you and it may be that he has become too close to his boss, not in a romantic way, but if she is supporting him in his promotion through encouragement and advice then maybe he admires her.

I agree that you may feel uncomfortable that he was so keen to update her and maybe he could be a bit more tactful knowing that you feel insecure about her. How do you know he contacted her so quickly though?

I have worked closely with various colleagues on projects and it can become quite intense. During these times I have spent more hours one to one with a colleague than my husband and I am sure at times he has been sick of hearing someone elses name.

Sometimes we have met up with one or two of these colleagues at a later date and he has said - oh I never liked him I thought he fancied you. He probably means he didn't like it when I worked with him, so it did concern him but I didn't notice, I don't know if that says more about him than me.

Thanks for replying. Yes this sums things up. I found out because he called me first and as the interview was in a different town, he was driving home and promised kids a mcd's for tea. I tried calling him a few times practically straight after I put the phone down to remind him to get something else from shop and it kept going to voicemail.

When he got home, I mentioned that I'd called and he said "oh yeah, I phoned "boss" to let her know how things went.

She has been helping him a lot with this promotion thing so it's understandable but I find it hard to stomach. When he mentioned that if he didn't get the job, he would be staying on her team, I was gutted. How awful is that??

paulineb_2

I do think you need to speak to someone re your feelings about your husbands boss.

Its not healthy for you and its making you unhappy. This is one person, he could go through life in jobs having women bosses and what are you going to do then?

jetplane

I understand why you would feel that way because you think there would be no end to it. However he might not need her help so the intensity would wear off. Also he is not hiding anything from you, he could have said his phone went to voicemail due to lost signal if he wanted to hide anything.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

I do think you need to speak to someone re your feelings about your husbands boss.

Its not healthy for you and its making you unhappy. This is one person, he could go through life in jobs having women bosses and what are you going to do then?

Thanks again. I know you're right, as I've said before! I will only be able wait until this counselling. I have confided in a close friend which has helped.

Anoneemoose

jetplane wrote: »

No I understand why you would feel that way because you think there would be no end to it. However he might not need her help so the intensity would wear off. Also he is not hiding anything from you, he could have said his phone went to voicemail due to lost signal if he wanted to hide anything.

He never hides anything. He is really great. And I know I should focus on that. I do try.

I actually thought it might be dodgy signal which is why I trued a few times.

I really want to be in a place where I am so confident about me that I wouldn't bat an eyelid whoever he worked with.

jetplane

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I really want to be in a place where I am so confident about me that I wouldn't bat an eyelid whoever he worked with.

This is why counselling should be focused on you, everyone has times of uncertainty, it's how we cope that matters but when it becomes all consuming you need to learn / use new skills to cope. The situation may not change but how you react can x